Two major topics Sigmund Freud talked about are 1) fantasies of replacing a child’s own parents, and 2) sexual stage of family romance.

To start off, I completely disagree with Freud’s thinkings. Freud argued that as children grow up, their opposition towards their previous generation tend to accumulate, as well, to the point that children fantasize about replacing their actual parents with those whom they admire. Freud said that it all starts with feeling dissatisfied by their parents’ actions towards them, which builds the dissatisfaction into critical analysis of their parents. Eventually, the children start forming low opinions of their parents and start replacing them by those who the children think are of higher social standing than their real parents. I completely disagree with this because for a fact, I know that my parents are one of the strictest parents compared to those of my friends’. What my friends’ parents allowed them to do, chances are, I will not be able to commit to the same actions. One example is sleeping over a friend’s house. Till now, I have never had a sleep over my friends’ house. While my friends were having a good time together, I was at my own home, thinking about how I wished to be hanging out with them. During these times, I did get angry as to why my parents had to be the way they are and be unfair. I may have criticized them as to their harsh rules but, I have never, for once, wished that they were never my parents; nor have I ever fantasized that I had one of my friends’ parents as mine. Therefore, I cannot agree with Freud’s thinkings as I did not feel what Freud argued for.

Secondly, Freud argued that at a certain age, once discontent with their parents, children tend to have desire to bring their mother into situations of secret infidelity and into secret love-affairs. Reading that sentence not only surprised me but also made me wonder if some children actually wished that upon their parents. No matter how harsh my parents were in their upbringing of my brother and me, I had never wished that my mother was in a secret love affair with someone. Whenever they had disagreements and fought, I hoped dearly that those fights will not break them apart. If worse come to worse, they wouldn’t talk to each other as much. During those times, I sincerely wished that they would reconcile as fast as possible so that things would be back to normal and not as awkward when conversing with either of them.

As a result, I do not agree with Freud’s thinkings for I did not feel what he advocated for, and also, did not further my understandings of both family relations and why I felt the way I did during my childhood.

-Tun

I don’t agree with Freud’s depiction of a child’s evolutionary relation with their family. He begins by saying “for a small child his parents are at first the only authority and source of all belief and wishes to be like his parent of his own sex” (Freud 237). This is generalizing the definition of family by limiting it to a mother, a father and a child. In our current society, the definition of family has certainly expanded. Also, while it’s true that a child is heavily influenced by his or her environment, it’s not limited to parents. Personally, I learn from my teachers, friends and other family members. Freud also says that “a child with siblings feels regrets at having to share parental love” (Freud 237). This is a foreign concept to me. I have siblings, but I don’t regret having them even they’re acknowledged and I’m not. Freud mentions that when a boy grows up, they are more inclined to feel hostile impulses towards his father as opposed to his mother and even replacing them with a family of higher social standing (Freud 237-238). The child wishes to be liberated from the influences of their parents when they grow up (Freud 237). I think it natural that as a child grows older, he or she thinks of what their life would be like if they grew up somewhere else. However, to say that they feel resentment towards their parents is a bit of a generalization. Finally, Freud says that neurotics is a condition derived from children who failed at the liberation from their parents (Freud 237). There are adults who still listen to their parents and they’re not mentally unstable. In these respects, I find it difficult to relate to Freud’s Family Romance.

-Benny Chan

Freud’s excerpt on family romances was certainly an interesting read. Although I do not completely agree with his thinking, there are certain aspects that I find coherent. Childhood development owes itself to many influences, and to an extent, children are reflections of their parents. A child is like a sponge, they learn through observation. By observing the actions of their parents, they gradually wish to be just like them. However, as a child develops intellectually and surrounds themselves with others, they cannot help but compare their parents with other parents. I remember there was a time I overheard a child’s interaction with his parents at a store. The child asked his parents to buy him a toy, and when they said no, the child then said something along the lines of: “But xx’s parents bought him a toy when he asked for it.” The child would not take no for an answer, and compares the situation to the parents of others to support his argument. On a weaker scale, this may be an example of Freud’s idea that the “small events in the child’s life” causes them to compare the qualities and abilities of their parents over others (237).

According to Freud, neurotic children who were once punished for “sexual naughtiness” are more inclined to fantasize over fictitious stories portraying himself as a protagonist while eliminating the characters of his siblings due to their atrocious nature. By using his imagination, the young child can hide any incestuous relationship with his sister if he is ever sexually attracted to her and even creating a love-affair with his mother (239). This is the child’s way of retaliating the punishment. In today’s society, quite frequently do I see news articles on cases involving sex crimes and incest relations. I cannot help but wonder whether or not this is because of the actions of parents that causes young children to behave this way.

Although I did not personally find Freud’s concept of family romance useful in understanding my own family relations, I think I was able to understand his theory holistically.

Freud expands greatly on the impact that sexual relations within a family have dire effects on an individual throughout different stages of their lives. While I don’t agree with a great deal of what he is saying, the one part that I do agree with is when he stated the first level of neurotic estrangement – children and individuals often picture the ideal relationship based on what they missed out on with their own families, and begin to fulfill the wishes that were never completed with their parents and siblings on outside partners involved. While I would not go fully to Freud’s length and say these are the sole reasons of why we choose the people we choose in our lives, I think these reasons do definitely have a say in it. As human beings, we often choose to ignore the good that comes out of relationships – especially those relationships that  we have no say over such as out mothers, fathers and siblings – and we focus on all the things we should have gotten out of them instead by comparing them to others’ good fortune. By doing this, we know exactly what we don’t want in a future relationship, because in a sense, we’ve already lived through it once and would rather not have to do it again, especially if in this case, we will have agency over who can enter our lives. This sort of “replacing” behavior, as Freud points out, is surprisingly rooted in notions of truth that cannot easily be uncovered with the naked eye. Rather, one needs to fully examine the family dynamic to understand this impact.

There are times when I ask myself the “What if” questions, especially towards my parents. I was about eight years old when my parents separated, and I was the middle child. So yes, I suffer from the “Middle Child Syndrome”. Although I can relate to some of Freud’s findings, I disagree with some. They are many different situations that lead him to his results. I have moments when being the middle child has made me feel like a lot of pressure is on me. The reason for this is because, I have an older sister, who gets to make all the mistakes, and I am bounded by the rules of society not to make the same ones. My brother, being the youngest and the only male grandchild for both parents side, has left him to be the “apple of their eyes” (ugh! If only I could roll my eyes). He gets whatever he wants, his way or he knows to play the right cards at the right people to get his tantrums well played. The points I disagree about is where siblings get attracted to each other, that’s a little bit disgusting but I guess sometimes it happens, I have watched the show called, “The Fosters” and I can see what Freud’s meant. Another disagreeable point is where the child grows to see someone else as his or her parents. I don’t know how that works. Mostly my “What If” questions are based on my parents still being together, what it would have been like.

D.Ramratan

Freud’s analysis from the reading “Family Romances” attempts to clarify the stages of child development. Freud’s notes from the beginning paragraphs stating “ The child’s most intense and most momentous wish during these early years is to be like his parents” is very agreeable. As a child, he or she would always want to imitate the parents, follow them everywhere, or do and wear whatever the parents did. However, with further reading it becomes hard to relate, Freud believes that at some point, possibly during puberty they will come to arguments and disagreements with their parents and so seek some sort of revenge on the parents through fantasies. I believe there are times where a child is more likely to be rebellious or make rebellious actions but I do not agree with the condition, Freud titles “Family Romance”. There certainly are some cases where some children try desperately to get their parent’s attention or to have the family return to happier times. However, those cases occur in families where the parents may be going through difficult situations. I don’t think every child goes through a mental condition where he imagines or elaborate tales of the family. After the courses of child development as Freud describes, he says some overcomes this condition but there are a class of neurotics who failed to moved pass this. To label a period of time where children develop into teenagers as a mental illness or condition seems a bit weird to me. I, personally admired my parents all throughout my childhood and till this day I still do and will continue to.

• Shan Shan Chen

Freud is definitely well known and his work has been acclaimed especially at such an early time period, I do not fully agree with his psychological analysis of family romances and I also cannot particularly relate this to my family relations.  From reading his paper, it seems as if he is saying that once a kid grows older he also grows resentful of his parents and feels the need to free himself from them and replace them with “better” parents.  According to Freud, after you reach a certain sexual stage, a child is supposed to liberate himself from not only his parents, but also his siblings if he feels he is sexually attracted to them.  One aspect I do partially agree with is where Freud mentions the competition among siblings for parental affection.  I personally am not a middle child but I have many friends who have 3 or more siblings and they always complain of “middle child syndrome”.  I wouldn’t necessarily say my friends and their siblings are fighting for affection but definitely for attention.  I however only have one sibling and we never really have competed for much except maybe who got the better grade is honestly all I can think of.  Maybe according to Freud my brother and I would be considered a rare case because we are not only siblings but best friends and never fight longer than 30 seconds.  I also don’t agree with Freud where he says that when you reach a certain age you get to know other parents and start comparing them to your parents and realize your parents are lacking in certain aspects.  I feel like it’s the opposite of that effect.  I feel that most people would regard their parents as the best parents in the world, I know I definitely feel that way.

I agree with Freud’s thinking because as children we tend to idolize our parents and follow everything they do. Because our parents are the ones that are around us, we pick up and learn what is right or wrong from them. Not everything they do is necessarily right or wrong, but we perceive what they do by the way we are taught.  I think a big part of growing up is finding out who you are without your parents. People call it a self-journey and I think it is necessary to go through a journey where you find yourself and develop your own notions away from the ideas of parents or guardians around. I’m not entirely in agreement with his ideas surrounding the oedipal concepts, I find them to be a little disturbing actually. This is not entirely helpful in understanding my own family relations, but I understand the ideas surrounding putting your parents on a pedestal and learning how to live on your own.

In this informative writing Freud describes the stages of a child’s development. Personally  I agree with his point of view regarding the evolution of a child and his/her relations with their family. A stable and strong relationship with other family members plays a big role in the progress of a child. But, what is more important is for that child to have a good parental example because as Freud said they observe and copy the actions of their parents.

I strongly believe that we grow up to be the reflection of our parents. During our teenage years we felt different and disconnected from their world. The puberty period of a child is the time where we disagree with our parents. Its the time where we are more aware of life and we reject their tendency and desire to control us. Everyone of us has at one point felt the same way Freud described a child would feel if they thought their parents where not good enough. “Not Good Enough” in the meaning that we did not agree with our parent’s thinking. We would imagine a different life with a different family depending on the situation. We all have disagreed with our parents and wished they could understand our point of view. This makes our observations were different from what we perceived therefore have influenced the creation of self-concept and our personality. For instance, when I was a teenager I wanted to be a singer and often I would try to dress like them with mini skirts etc. My parents strongly disagreed and they would tell me that I cannot dress like that. For this reason, what I observed ” my parent’s disapproval” contradicted the passion that I had inside of me to be a singer and act like them.

“Family Romances” describes a child’s progress to creating an identity and the effect that their family members have on impacting their lives for good or bad.

This passage told of the thoughts that goes through a child’s mind (more particularly, a boy) as he grows. The thoughts he has of his parents change as the boy goesthrough different stages of his life. It begins with the belief that the boy’s parents are the most important people in his life at the beginning of development. He looks tothem as if they are perfect and can do no wrong. He even wants to be just like them one day, more specifically, like his father, since he too is a male. As the boy grows,he gets into situations with his parents that make him believe that his parents aren’t as “perfect” as he thought. He sees other people’s parents and wishes that hisparents had some of those qualities; he isn’t satisfied anymore. With that dissatisfaction, he creates hostile images in his mind, because he can’t get his parents tochange the way he wants them to. But the only person he can realistically be hostile with is his father, because he too is a male. This will lead to him wanting to beaway from his parents (more specifically his father). Soon, he creates fantasies in his mind about how he wants his life to be once he is away from them, and that hewill do whatever he can to achieve that life for himself. (these fantasies are known as daydreams).  Another thing he believes might be affecting the way his parentstreat him overall is the fact that he has other siblings. So in his fantasy, he will imagine life without siblings. In all, the things that change a child’s view of his parentsas he ages are; he is frustrated that his parents aren’t the parents he’s always wished to have; the fact that the parent of the same sex doesn’t make that connection withthe child that he needs; that his frustration builds after creating a fantasy life that he knows he can’t have; and lastly, he has siblings in his way of having that perfectlife.