When I was watching the video about Mike Brown and Eric Garner during class, I noticed the part when people were lying on the floor, shouting “I can’t breath! I can’t breath!” I feel that this kind of protest is stronger than having people walking on the streets, shouting. Not to say that protesting is wrong, but along with what Eric Garner’s mother said ” Everything should be done in peace.”
Original Paragraph
“We would even go so far as to suggest that after your first sentence, almost every sentence you write should refer back to previous statements in some way. Whether you are writing a “furthermore” comment that adds to what you have just said or a “for example” statement that illustrates it, each sentence should echo at least one element of the previous sentence in some discernible way. Even when your text changes direction and requires transitions like “in contrast,” “however,” or “but,” you still need to mark that shift by linking the sentence to the one just before it, as in the following example.”
Informal
We can also say that after the first sentence, all the sentences after that connects to the previous sentence. Either you are writing a “furthermore” comment to connect that you say, or to use “for example” to make a point, every sentence have to repeat the meaning in some way from the previous sentence. When your text changes the way they talks and needs a shifting phrases like “in contrast,” “however,” or “but,” you still need to make sure to make the change and still connect to the sentence from before, like in this example.
Formal
We can even assume that after the first sentence, almost all sentences introduces the meaning from the previous statement. Whether you are writing a “furthermore” comment that inserts along to what you have mentioned or a “for example” statement that illustrates it, each sentence should recall at lease one element of the previous sentence in some perceptible way. Even when your text changes direction and requires transitions like “in contrast,” “however,” or “but,” you still need to make that shift by associating the sentence to the one just before it, as in the following example.”
Combination
We would even go so far as to suggest that after the first sentence, almost all sentences introduces the meaning from the previous statement. Whether you are writing a “furthermore” comment that inserts along to what you have mentioned or to use “for example” to make a point, every sentence have to repeat the meaning in some way from the previous sentence. Even when your text changes the way they talks and requires transitions like “in contrast,” “however,” or “but,” you still need to make sure to make the change and still connect to the sentence from before, like in this example.
I feel that when I am trying to convince someone about something, I often do it using formal language. It’s hard for me to sound like I have credibility when I am not speaking formally, unless if it was only to convince someone about food, or this great movie that I watched during the past weekend. In that case, I use personal experience to tell my friends or family the before and after effect, which is to tell them how I feel after I ate the food, or how I felt after watching the movie.
My topic for this paper is the Umbrella Revolution, or the Occupy Central movement in Hong Kong. I have decided to do this topic because as I had previously said on my Rhetorical Analysis Formal Proposal, this topic is extremely controversial, and depending on the audience, they have different perspectives towards this problem. Because of this topic, I have been discussing this with many family members and have argued about my “position”. I personally believe that I am in a position that is in between the two sides of this situation. Yes, I believe that people should have democracy because I believe that it’s their natural rights to be able to choose their own “leader”, yet I also think that protesters should do it in a way that doesn’t affect other people’s lives negatively. Because of this protest, it became more difficult for people to get around the city. I’m probably not going to use the CNN anymore because as time went on, I found out the protesters in Hong Kong were no longer in peaceful protest, and violent protest started. Because of the violent protest, my support for the pro-democracy groups changed to be in the middle of both sides. My research question is how can protesters get democracy without serving negatively affecting other people’s lives?
My audiences for this paper will be the protesters, and people that are protesting for the protest. Recently, I saw the news, and reporters indicated that many people are struggling to live their lives normally due to all the protesting. They are “protesting” for the protest. Because my audiences are protesters, I will most likely to use more ethos and pathos to move my audiences. Along with that, I might add some statistics on the paper in order to let people see how the protest might affect the economy as a whole. With statistics I know that my audience can more likely to see how their actions are affecting others negatively.I will not use that source as strongly because that will most like shift my group of audience to more of government officials, which is not what I’m looking for. I read a controversial article talking about Kenny G’s visit to the protesting area, changing his words after China warned him to be cautious of his words, when he told protesters that he hopes that they will win, clearly supporting the protesters. I’m not sure whether I should put this article on the paper because I don’t know whether this article is appropriate to put in it, but I want to emphasize the social status of Kenny G in China in terms of his music, and that his position on this issue is that they only want peace within the country, while believing that people should have the right to vote, just like the
Currently, I am still researching more about my topic, which is the Umbrella
Revolution in Hong Kong. I found an academic source that gives voice for both sides of this situation, which are politicians and protesters. I feel that this source is really helpful in terms of supporting the idea of both sides. What I really like about the article is that it raised attention to the Tiananmen Square Massacre in 1989, which ended tragically with many people hurt and died, for the same reason, Democracy. I like the idea of this article hinting that if left untreated, this Revolution may end up like the Tiananmen Square Massacre. I feel that I am in a stand that I understand the belief that the protesters should have the right to vote, but I also believe that this situation is getting out of hand and is hurting the city’s economy. Protesters are blocking roads and not working to be in the protest. Not only the protesters are obstructing other people from their daily lives, they are hurting themselves by neglecting work, friends, and family. Because I am in this middle stance, I am currently search for more articles to support my argument.
This article shows the progression of the Hong Kong protest, naming the Umbrella Revolution. This news article is mainly about revealing hundreds of people in Hong Kong sleeping on the streets, demanding the Hong Kong Chief Executive to come out and talk to them because they want democracy. The article shows pictures of the compacted streets of Hong Kong, demonstrating how supportive they are for each other. This article also shows tweets of students helping out at the water and food stations, in case anyone needed help. This article gives some information of the history of Hong Kong and the struggle to gain independence from Britain.
According to the article, “The student-led unrest was sparked by China’s insistence that it vet candidates for a 2017 election in Hong Kong – even though residents in Hong Kong had been promised that they would be able to freely elect their leaders” (Cullinane), meaning that China didn’t keep their promise and stand firm on not letting people vote in Hong Kong. A reporter at CNN Ivan Watson that was in the demonstration of the Occupy Central said that while the protest was going on, police started to use tear gas and pepper spray against protesters, and the fact that they are using violence against protesters are really surprising to see because Hong Kong is considered to be a “city that is famed for its law and order.” (Cullinane)
Cullinane, Susannah, O’Key, Sean, Fantz, Ashley and Jethro Mullen. “Hong Kong protests: In the thick of it.” CNN.com. CNN. 1 Oct. 2014. Web. 7 Oct. 2014
I believe the purpose of adding direct quotes and paraphrases is because we have to find credibility for your summary because a summary is often the interpretation of the reader, and finding the quotes on the article can better support your interpretations.
In the Introduction to “They Say/I Say”; The movies That Matter in Academic Writing, Gerald Graff and Cathy Birkenstein provide templates designed to help students with identifying their arguments. Specifically, Graff and Birkenstein argue that the types of writing templates they offer help students explain better about their topic/argument. As the author themselves put it,”Furthermore, these templates do not dictate the content of what you say, which can be as original as you can make it, but only suggest a way of formatting how you say it. In addition once you begin to feel comfortable with the templates in this book, you will be able to improvise creatively on them to fit new situations and purposes and find others in your reading.” Although some people believe that templates can restrict on the range of topics you can say, Graff and Birkenstein insist that “templates offered here are learning tools to get you started, not structures set in stone”. In sum, then, their view is that templates are helpful.
I agree. In my view, the types of templates that the author recommend was helpful in terms of leading the author to not generalize their argument and be specific. For instance, in the book, it said ” In our view, the above template and the others in this book will actually help your writing become more original and creative, not less.” In addition, “Furthermore, these templates do not dictate the content of what you say, which can be as original as you can make it, but only suggest a way of formatting how you say it.” Some might object, of course, on the grounds that templates can possibly be a form of plagiarism. Yet I would argue that templates are in a format that are used by many people and was not created by anyone. Overall, then, I believe that templates are a useful way to start in terms of academic writing –an important point to make given that people often struggle in academic writing.
When I revise my work, I imagine myself sketching a picture. The ideas and the general sketch is not bad, but adding more streaks and erasing some line can help perfect the sketch, and might possibly change the look of the entire picture. Whenever I write for a class, I almost always get feedback from either peers or the teacher, or both. I really like the fact that other people can see a point that I didn’t see, and that expanding that factor can further perfect my work. I know that I am not required to take the critics’ advice, but I almost always does because the feedback that I get always gives me that light bulb in the head, and I would always say to myself “Why didn’t I think about that?” I think the difference between revising and editing and proofreading is that revising is more about arranging the idea of how the paper goes, editing is the matter of making sure the information cited is correct, and proofreading is to change the grammatical errors.
In terms of my views about the Dethier article, I agree about his reasons why people don’t like revisions. Especially on number 6, when it says “Revision is a sign of failure, and criticism a personal affront.” Even though I never though of revision of this way, I do see people struggling on letting people see their work. There are times when I write thing that I don’t want people to know or look at, like my journal, but in academic writing, I had always feel that feedback is an opportunity for others to tell you their points of view on a situation you are writing about, or on their interpretations of your work.
I haven’t spent much time on the assignment, but right now because I have the zero draft, I can be able to use it to support my point of rhetoric between the two articles. I will then make an outline to explain how I’m going to write the assignment in terms of the compare and contrast that I will be making. Because this assignment is not necessary to input any opinions inside, along with writing the outline, I will use the zero draft to support my analysis with details from the article that proves this analysis valid.
For my rhetoric analysis, I will be talking about the current situation in Hong Kong, which is the “Umbrella Revolution.” The reason behind the locals’ protests is because they demand for “democratic elections”, according to The New York Times. This attracts attention to me not only because I have friends and family living there, but also because I find it to be extremely shocking that people of Hong Kong do not have the privilege to vote for their candidate. That is because I was born having that right to do so. Because I know my friends so well, I believe that during times like these, they are willing to do whatever it gets to achieve what they want, and will support each other as seen in the protest. They sit on the streets, carrying umbrellas, hold boards to protest that they want to vote. This includes going against the police force and risking being attacked by the police by pepper spray. This brings into consideration that in my opinion, protesters want to show the world how unified they are in terms of getting what they want. Therefore, I feel that this event should be analyzed, due to how much of a controversy it is. Especially when the CNN revealed a tweet of a posted picture of two television in China. One was CNN broadcasting the Hong Kong protest, and the other television was “CCTV news channel.” The satire of this post is that while the CCTV news channel is broadcasting like normal, the CNN channel shows a black screen, indicating that China doesn’t want their people to know about this event, risking them to be by Hong Kong’s side. Because this is so controversial, news channels and newspapers may take different sides on this situation. One might say that the protestors are rebelling against the government, and some might say that it’s the people’s rights to vote for their leaders of their homeland. I would like to see how different sources can word their articles in a way that exposes different angles of the situation.
