Erick Valle
ENG 2150
5/13/19
Prof Graves
Assignment one Labor log
- Analyze your material more closely.
I’ve analyzed my materials more closely by not only describing them in various tones such as with Danielle Bregolli in her Dr. Phil episode, but I’ve also described her as if I were narrating scenes from the video clip. I would analyze Supreme’s pieces for their underlying messages and connections, such as the Cops Jacquard tee being closely resembled to a jailbird shirt while telling us to not trust anyone since they are cops.
2) Fix noted vague passages.
I’ve fixed the noted vague passages, especially in the introduction, by thinking as if I were to introduce this subject to someone who hasn’t been around for the last couple of years. It sounds elementary, but I felt like it did strengthen my intro a bit more.
3) Add in-text citations and a properly formatted bibliography
I added in text citation by italicizing my sources when I would speak about them and I used the citation machine to format it in MLA style, then included my new citations in the bibliography.
Final Notes
I’ve attempted to follow your critique on my paper to the best of my ability and I feel as though that not only I’ve expanded on my subjects and introduced them in a detailed manner, but I’ve also formatted them in the appropriate citation form and expanded on the hidden meanings of the Supreme pieces, reading in between the lines if you will.
Assignment 2 Labor Log
- Tone up these quotes. At times you’ve gone far too heavy on the quotes and not enough on your own thread. You drive the car, as in, the conversation and commentary is yours, but you bring voices in along the way. Other voices give you an extra vocabulary and set of ideas to apply to your examples.
I’ve cut down on the length of various quotes and attempted to expand upon the ideas that the quotes would bring on. I also decided to cut pieces of quotes that really didn’t make sense but rather served to make a word count.
2) Speak a little more to your quotes. Sometimes you use your sources in too much of a “hit and run” fashion–moving away from them very quickly before participating in a dialogue with your sources and keeping the conversation moving/point clear. At times you also aren’t really applying the Virality stuff. Scale it back and try to intermix some other material with it to show how these concepts have used.
I tried to expand upon the ideas of virality that were brought to me by the quotes and even tried to relate them to real-life examples. These examples weren’t hard to bring up since there are a lot of things at this age that has reached virality. For example, I talked about how the Soviet Union is an example and real-life application of the theory of Lebon and the common crowd.
3) Just make this thing easier to take bites of. Seriously these paragraphs are huge! Think in how you develop smaller, deliberate chunks and move through subpoints along the way.
Hahaha, I saw the long paragraph that you’re alluding to and separated it to two parts organized by their topics, the 5th paragraph talks about Twitter and the widened scope that could reach a wider audience, while the 6th paragraph speaks about the effects of emotions on a more specific scale.
Final Notes
This paper was a tough one to crack, I expanded on ideas that were given and tried to think more critically about the ways in going viral. I also tried not to rely heavily on my quotes as a crutch and filler. Some of the quotes were too long and strayed away from the topic itself and didn’t help at all really; when I shortened them it made my points clearer. Also, the division of paragraph 5 & 6 helped organize my thoughts.