Reading: A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement and Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents?
Instructions: Once you do the reading ahead of its due date, please enter your first 150-word summary responses as a comment to this post. Feel free to write more if you wish. Your summary response can address any of the questions below or more:
- What did you learn?
- Can you share a personal experience that supports or challenges the author’s key ideas.
- Do you have other pieces of information that connect in some way to the author’s key ideas?
- Make a claim responding to a key idea from the reading. The claim must explain: a. How your experiences complicate one of author’s key ideas, leading you to a different conclusion than she has drawn.
OR
b. How a key idea from author’s essay helps you understand your own experience in a new way. - How is what you learned related to our class, your other classes, your future job, other areas of life, and/or our major assignments?
Be sure to read closely, highlighting key passages and taking notes about your thoughts and reactions. Use the Reading and Annotating Guide to prepare a thorough summary/response.
In my response to second reading, I believe it is wrong for Amy’s family to judge her for her views on sexuality and her family should be less harsh. Their inability to accept her perspectives, especially when she expressed that she didn’t believe the Bible condemned people for being gay, shows a lack of openness to different interpretations of faith. Amy’s family, instead of being more understanding, reacted with judgment and condemned Amy for her perspective, which only deepened the rift between them. This kind of rigid mindset can be harmful, especially when it leads to separating loved ones like Amy and her family.
In the article “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman, Joshua talks about his experience as a psychologist specializing in Family Estrangement. Joshua argues that in recent decades, “‘the majority of American families have experienced weakening [extended] kin ties and high rates of mobility and dispersion. I would argue that these factors have made the opportunities for familial alienation greater than in the past'” (Coleman). Coleman ties the increasing rates of mobility with greater familial alienation. I agree with this point as I moved to New York from California with no family in here. However, I don’t regret the decision as I believe I can focus more on my career when I’m alone. Although I do not feel familial alienation, I can see how people may face this problem. In “Why so Many People are Going ‘No Contact’ with their Parents” by Anna Russell, Anna describes Amy’s experience with her family. Amy grew up in a Christian family and church, but never felt like she belonged. I personally can relate to that as I grew up in a church as well, although the church was significantly more progressive. I wouldn’t consider myself a Christian, but growing up in a church helped me acquire good values and be friends with upstanding people. Similarly, Amy and Peter’s values and viewpoints differed greatly from her parents. When Peter wrote that “he had recently donated sperm to a same-sex couple, friends of his”, Amy’s mother stopped responding to the letters to distance herself away from Amy and Peter. I can kind of relate to this as my parents have a lack of understanding regarding the mindset needed to break into the high finance field, which causes disagreements that occur from time to time. However, I am glad that they support me wholeheartedly in my pursuit of a job in high finance.
Joshua Coleman’s, “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement,” explores the various reasons for estrangement between parents and their adult children. Common reasons for why adult children are no longer in contact are the psychological or physical abuse perpetrated by their parents. This estrangement is fueled even greater by their lack of empathy or remorse in understanding what they did was wrong. However, Coleman argues that while both parties are right in their respective reasons, what they both fail to understand is how “profoundly the rules of family life have changed.” Some examples include the varying levels of what each party deems as harmful or damaging behavior. While one side can perceive it as an act of love, most often protection, the other may perceive it as an act of restricting their freedom (could be considered as anxious parenting, where parents are too worried and concerned about their child). Coleman ends his article by saying that “we are all flawed,” insinuating that before adult children decide to go “no contact,” they should understand that not all parents are at fault and that they deserve second chances. I partially agree with this, but the fact is that there is often a lack of change. While there are flaws, if there is no change, then what’s the point of keeping in contact with a person who is linked to a horrible past? Moving on to Anna Russell’s, “Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” With Their Parents”, she addresses the development or rather, gradual concept about estrangement. She offers many accounts of individuals who have gone “no contact,” and the stigmas that surround it. Take for example Amy, daughter of an evangelical household, who had spread her wings in college and began to question the things that have been told to her. As a result, her beliefs no longer aligned with her family’s, eventually leading her to cut ties with them. In later discussion within the article, there were several attempts to reconcile, though none of which convinced either side to pursue a familial relationship. Russell also highlighted the lack of awareness from others who see estrangement as something that would end when in reality, as Bland puts it, it’s “an idealism…based on a myth that families all really love each other.” In truth, not all families do. Some parents do not deserve kids while every kid deserves a parent. It is an overall difficult subject to speak about as most would not understand estrangement between family. Russell concluded her article with a quote from Amy, alluding to the excitement of a new life where she starts a family. But there’s also a lingering feeling she has, knowing that these joys would feel best when shared with some kind of parental figure, even if that figure was not the same as the original, estrangement has some faults and some merits.
The article “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement” addresses the unique topic of parents’ distance from their children and grandchildren. The author, Joshua Coleman, is a psychologist who specializes in family estrangement. Coleman notes that both parties fail to realize how the rules of family life have changed over the years. According to him, “During the past 50 years, people across the classes have been working harder than ever to be good parents. They have given up hobbies, sleep, and time with their friends in the hope of slingshotting their offspring into successful adulthood.” Parents invest a lot of time to secure a bright future, however, this assumes that they will still maintain a connection with their children. Coleman concludes his article by stating that apologizing can be extremely difficult for many family members, but the benefits that come with it makes it worth it in the end.
In “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman I learned how some adult children are willing to not have any contact with their parents. Although it sounds harsh because, at the end of the day, they’re still your parents, it all depends on how their parents raised them. To me I can’t not have any contact with my parents because I love them too much to just do that to them. The author mentions one of the reasons these adult children do this to their parents is because they gaslight them and don’t know how to respect their boundaries. I can see why someone would not want to keep someone in their life who does that but personally, if my parents were like that I would at least call them here and there. But it all comes down to their childhood and how their parents are now that their child is an adult. Personally my mom complains that I only talk to her when I need her to buy me something but that’s not true at all. Which is one of the reasons I don’t really go into detail about my life because she doesn’t see the genuine conversation I want to have with her. So I guess in that sense, I don’t have “contact” with her. I still talk to her because she is my mom, it’s not like I don’t talk to her at all. I can understand where the author is coming from and wanting to help the parents understand that what they knew before isn’t the same. The way they were raised isn’t the same as how parents are now raising their kids.
Family can be defined as many aspects, but in most ways possible, the relationship between the parents and the offspring is “mutualistic.” This value is moreover a core part of a family; it is more of an understanding when in family relationships. However, there are other values when it comes to values. In some families, personal growth is one of the goals, especially for the parents and offspring. When I say in some families, I mean as some families are not really progressive and emphatic, families can be abusive, whether it is physical, emotional, psychological, or even sexual. As a result of the experience these offspring went through, they end up having emotions of shame, remorse, fear, etc. This is defined as family estrangement, meaning the separation between the Adult children and a certain family member or the entire family. The causes of this would be narcissism or manipulation , neglect, dishonesty, bullying, untreated mental illness, lack of support, destructive conduct, and abuse of drugs which leads to estrangement. Parents frequently disagree with their children’s gender identity, religion, political beliefs, choice of marriage, and/or sexual orientation. The article surmises on what I have explained since Amy ended up setting boundaries due to her family not being accepting of her sexuality. When it comes to the roles and mentality of the mothers and fathers, which are another problem when it comes to offspring and estrangement, it also correlates to the gender norms as previously discussed. Fathers are less likely to accept these family values and accept his children for who they are. Mothers, however, are more likely to accept her children and follow the family morals to uplift the family together. This is the main reason why parents usually have tension because the mothers are ending up keeping the family together, which does not last any longer. When the children are finally mature and have reached adult years, they look back on their childhood history and wonder what path they should take when reaching reality and adulthood. Whether they decide to stay with their parents or create boundaries that detach them from their caregivers.
In the article “Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents?” Amy, who was homeschooled by her parents and grew up in a Christian family, has revealed her story that led to estrangement between her and her parents. Since Amy attended college and constantly learned new ideas that challenged her beliefs, she began to question things that her parents taught her. This turns out to be the starting point of estrangement. Soon, Amy began to disagree with her family’s religious and political views which led to further conflict. Especially when she talks about the Bible didn’t imply that being gay is wrong, certainly was rejected by her younger brother and her mother. From what I observed, I realized conflicts and differences in viewpoints were often the critical factors that lead to estrangement. As parents and children keep on arguing over and over again, there will be some point when one side can’t handle it anymore and wants to escape. Yet, is estrangement the best solution? I don’t think so. Like me and my mom, we often argue over politics and many little things in our daily lives. Yet after we express our thoughts, we always talk it out and try to think in a different position, and that is something that helps us maintain a healthy relationship. In the end, I want to point out that escaping never solves any problem. Although your parents may not agree with everything you said, certainly, most parents deeply love their children and want the best for them. Facing reality is always a better choice than to escape.
Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement shares some interesting information regarding family estrangement in the past few year. It is believed that in the recent years, it has been more common for children to cut off and distant themselves from family due to the increased pursuit of happiness. A lot of times these estrangements come from some sort of abuse, whether if it’s emotionally or physically. Sometimes abuse can be done by the parent without acknowledging it. For example, if you’re in a immigrant household from a very young age, chances are your parents had been on top of you. Pushing their own values and beliefs onto you from a very young age and expect you to comply with them. Now from time to time, immigrant parents might go on a rant talking about all the things they went through in order for you to succeed. Now in their eyes this might not seem like emotional abuse at all however, now you may feel entitled to be this perfect child for them or else you might feel guilty. This creates a toxic relationship between the child and the parent which causes estrangement within families.
Amy, who is the eldest of her siblings, grew up having the belief of Creationism. And as an Christian family they attended church. Growing up in a conservative family it is believed that Amy should get married. Also, in paying her own tuition for college her motivation was to “find a husband”. Believing that men are stronger spirtual leaders, than women. Therefore, the partner can help be closer to god. Amy being socially conservative couldn’t do what other college students may participate in at a party or club. Describing her college appearance to coming to college was like a sponge. Vistis back home is when Amy starts to oppose her family beliefs. She starts having her own beliefs and realization. This didn’t please her family. As a result, it brings me back to the title why many are going “no contact” with their parents because of the disagreement in the family. Being unable to mend towards each other’s beliefs and choices causing an unhealthy family relationship. Going “no contact” to avoid the plague of the oppressing conversations.
In the text “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman I learned that the family ties have shifted in a new direction. He specifically notes the relationship between parents and their adult children. More like the lack of relationship that is between them. That the adult children prioritize their own fulfillment, instead of family loyalty. There are many factors that are involved that lead to the estrangement. Such as life choices and political beliefs. He believes that both sides should understand each other’s perspectives. That they should be communicating with each other and be open with each other. He advocates for the rebuilding of the strain relationship between the parents and adult children. He encourages towards a healing path. Although he does suggest that everyone should respond in a well mannered way, when someone decides if they will be allowed in someone’s life or not.
“Why so many people are going ‘no contact’ with their parents.” Before reading this article, I was thinking about myself and my personal experience because there was a point in my life where I really considered running away from home and also going “no contact” with my parents. I was never close to my mom and dad because my parents are low-income working class, so they were rarely present in my life, both working 14-16 hour shifts. It came with a sacrifice of having higher income, however, it hurted me psychologically since I was really neglected. Throughout my entire life, I lived with relatives, paid-caretakers, foster home, and then eventually living alone at 11 years old. In the morning, my parents would still be asleep while I’m going to school – and at night I would be sleeping when they come home from work. As a result of this, my parents and I don’t have a strong family bond, and our interactions are often filled with tension, as both of them tend to be condescending and judgmental. I remember this specific anecdote explained by my Environmental Science teacher, who acted as my mentor, telling me that in financially disadvantaged families, the parents either focus on achieving upward social mobility, which means paying less attention to their children, or they either prioritize spending quality time with their children and having less financial stability. Very rarely, will the financially disadvantaged family have both – a child with a strong, supportive relationship with their parents and that child later becoming a superstar or professional athlete, achieving financial success. Though, it is a very unlikely scenario, and the general circumstances for the rest are the same.
Anna Russel wrote about the experience of her friend, Amy who also had a really tense relationship with her family. She grew up in a family of zealot Christians, influencing her to believe in creationism herself. For several years, Amy began to question the existence of God because she could not feel a tangible connection with him. Her relationship only diverged away from her parents when she attended college and transformed into a woman that challenged her family religious beliefs [abortion and homosexuality], leading her to eventually cut off ties with her family through a division of values and belief. This growing divide, fueled by Amy’s evolving views on sensitive issues, ultimately led to her decision to cut ties with her family because they were not supportive of the person that Amy was becoming. This reinforced my learning and my personal experience because I agree with the author that the “no contact” movement doesn’t happen naturally, and it is most definitely a cause from a conflict of interest or often because their parents don’t support children’s identity or beliefs, making family estrangement the only viable means of a self-defense mechanism. In alignment with this, Joshua Coleman’s, “A shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement,” delves into the reasons behind the growing distance between parents and their adult children. Coleman corroborates that the estrangement often stems from parental abuse – whether physical or emotional that is exacerbated by the lack of accountability, awareness, or empathy for the harm caused. Though Coleman points out on the behalf of both the children and parent’s perspective, he stresses that neither side fully understands the change in family dynamics and emotional behavior. Coleman’s ending sentence of “we are flawed” urges children to reconsider before making the decision of going “no contact”. Coleman’s ideas challenge my narrative because I strongly believe that it isn’t the lack of awareness in the change of family dynamics or emotional behavior, but rather the rigid expectations parents force on their children. I am very convinced that family estrangement is a last resort, and if the child has made the decision to go “no contact,” it must be because there is no other solution. Drawing from my own personal experience and being able to connect as an audience from the author, I’m able to learn from my parents’ and other parent’s mistakes, allowing me to understand the importance of parental figures, to create a supportive and loving environment for my future children.
I saw in this reading that changing family values is leading to more people cutting off ties with their parents. It is pretty harsh because your parent are the ones who raised you. Many people are focusing more on themselves and their mental health. They are putting their own personal values before their family traditions. In the article we see this girl, Amy who was homeschooled by her parents. Later when she went to college she started questioning her parents religious and political beliefs and had what I like to call a “fall out” with them. We want to have control of our own lives. I get that. But I don’t think people should jump to cut off ties with their parents when they have a disagreement or have different perspectives on something. We should not forget that our parents raised us, and how much they did for us our whole lives. I think that cutting off ties should be someone’s final and last resort if they have no other choice. It’s normal for people to have their own opinions. If we cut off ties it is like we are running away from our problems; which never solves anything. I think there is many more steps to take before completely cutting off ties, because once you do that, there’s no going back and that could ruing your relationship forever.
I learned that there is a huge stigma against estrangement and that each person views what they did in extremely different ways. In Amy’s case, she believed that her parent’s viewed the ideology as something more important than her. She believed that she was traumatized and harmed greatly. It made me realize the standards for becoming estranged are much lower than they were in the past. The reading mentioned that because of legalized divorce, people tended to not value family as much. I think this is true but I also think that societal norms are becoming less restrictive and that gives people more freedom to try new things out, including doing something as severe as cutting off their family for something they don’t like. Many reasons for estrangement are very good reasons but most estranged people don’t know if what they did was right as they feel lost without the knowledge of their families lives. A person in the article said that learning of their father’s death through a friend caused them much grief. I think that this person felt this grief because as the article mentioned, life remains frozen in the horrible situation they left it in, so it makes me think this person felt this way because they never had a chance to right the situation. If the situation was something as horrible as physical, mental, or emotional abuse, I don’t believe this person would have cared. This situation makes me think that estrangement goes too far in the case for most estranged people.
In “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman he discusses the relationships of children to parents in this modern era. He states how once kids grow up and head to college they grow emotionally distant from their parents. He explains a shift from traditional familial upbringings where the parents to child relationship is stronger emotionally than the current modern relationship. Parents feel upset when their children distance themselves even if it was for a good reason. The children want to rely on themselves and not their parents which is understably difficult for the parents to accept. He thinks that communication is key to fix this distant relationship into something amicable. He suggests empathizing is one of best tools you could use to understand each other and why the others may be acting this way. He believes that applying both of these can set your relationship on a path to heal to what it was like before or maybe grow it stronger.
As I read through A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement by Joshua Coleman, I felt a big connection the article. I learnt how different family connections are different nowadays and the importance of keeping them. My immediate family moved from France around eleven years ago leaving all extended family back in Europe. It was hard keeping up connections with them and I had to text them call them and made sure to visit. I cared a lot about my grandparents and had no interest in being less close to them over time. Though I worry in the future if I. move away whether I will feel estranged from my own parents. Can I keep the relationship I have now with them. Will they try to stay close to me. I am the oldest of eight and I wonder how they will keep giving me attention and caring for me when I am permanently far from them. When I listened to Why so Many People Are Going “No Contact” With Their Parents it was difficult to read. It made me feel sad and understanding how this generation has changed from the past. I find the idea so hard of severing ties with your family, but I see the reasons why. I don’t think severing ties should be normalized, but it shouldn’t be seen as negative either. It simply is a big deal.
In this article, “Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents?”, the story of Amy’s life and how as she expanded out into college, her own beliefs and values started to differ from her family; ultimately leading her to cut ties with her family. Amy grew up believing in Creationism however she never truly felt as though she had a strong connection to God. When she went off to college, she started becoming a different woman, one that her family’s beliefs and values contradicted. She ended up cutting ties with them because they were unsupportive of who she was becoming. After hearing her experience, it led me to the thought of whether or not going “no contact” with your family over contradicting beliefs and lack of support is worth it. I personally do think that people should do what they think will result in their happiness but there is always the thought that in the long run, it may not be the best choice. I feel like the decision of “no contact” in the heat of the moment may seem like the best due to disagreeing views but long term wise, there are solutions that could avoid that. Changing or even just compromising family views and values can go a long way.
In the text “A shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman, many adult children chooses to estrange with their family. Many people would assume that it’s due to parent abuse or neglects, which may be true but there’s more reason for these adult to choose to leave their family. Coleman a physciatrist proposes other reason for such actions, for example parent going into divorces can cause mental harm to their children by forcing them to choose a parent to side with. Second, the pressure and love the parent put upon their children in order for them to live a better life. Can cause the children to feel controlling. Lastly, sibling estrangement occurs when they’re faced with the responsibility to take care of their old parents. Instead of facing their responsibility they would cut their family off. Coleman suggests that problem like estrangement from their parents can be fixed by communicating about the subject. Once the estrangement happens the parents would usually have to be the one reconcile with their children and to sympathize with why they feel that way. I honestly wouldn’t estrange myself from my family because I understand how hard my parents work in order to provide shelter, food, and necessity for me. It’s only right for me to take care of them when they grow older. It also depends on how bad the relationship was between the parent and children because I’ve had a good relationship with my parents and maybe it’s why I wouldn’t understand why they would such length to cut off their family.
“A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman reveals the numerous reasons why parents and their children become estranged. Estrangement usually happens when the children are grown adults and can make their own decisions. Meaning, this child has already processed or is beginning to process what happened to them while they were growing up. The common reasons for Estrangement Joshua Coleman gave, were “emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in childhood by the parent, “toxic” behaviors such as disrespect or hurtfulness, feeling unsupported, and clashes in values.” The children process that they shouldn’t have gone through this in the first place and feel hurt and betrayed by their parents. However, if their parents don’t see the pain they caused, there will be no progress made in their relationship. While this all may be true, Joshua Coleman claims that the real reason why parents and their children become estranged is that, “Both sides often fail to recognize how profoundly the rules of family life have changed over the past half-century.” Coleman believes that because we as a society have firstly fought over materialist items such as land, inheritances, and family property. Although we still have this today, the mindset from centuries ago has altered. Now, “Our conflicts are often psychological rather than material—and therefore even harder to resolve.” Wounds on the mind are harder to heal when it’s subjective to the person who is hurt. As of right now, I’m not estranged from my parents, but I have faced psychological pain from them. However, as of right now, I try to deal with these issues and not let them fester until I’m an adult. I do agree with Joshua because these issues are harder to deal with because the issues are psychological and we can’t just put a bandaid over them. However, just because a relationship is hard to fix does not mean it is impossible.
“Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents” by Anna Russel, speaks to the actions leading to children being estranged from their parents. Anna writes about this girl named Amy who grew up in a Christian household where she didn’t have the chance to explore her own beliefs. She didn’t grow estranged from her parents while she lived with them because she didn’t know much else other than what they taught her. Through this article, Anna Russel acknowledges that growing apart from your parents is difficult, nevertheless can be beneficial for adult children. When Amy went away to a liberal arts university, Anna described her as a sponge because she soaked up the information around her that her parents kept from her. This allowed Amy to find herself outside of her parents. It is because of what Amy learned, that she gradually separated herself from her parents. Anna used other estranged adult children to emphasize how going “no contact” can be beneficial. Going “no contact” could create a healthier life for the adult children to have a “life beyond their family relationships, and find a new sense of family with friends or peer groups.” This was then followed by an adult child who no longer speaks to her parents, “Can I tell you how great it was to skip out on my first Thanksgiving?” one woman who no longer speaks with her parents told me. “I haven’t heard a family drama in years.” Going no contact could be a stress reliever. I can’t see myself having no contact with my parents, however, it doesn’t mean I don’t understand why others do it. When growing up in a house like Amy grew up in, it’s almost inevitable for these children to stay close to their parents. Environments such as Amys’ are suffocating and having space allows her and others to breathe.
In the article “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman, Joshua Coleman talks about what causes estrangement and how to make amends between parents and grown children. The evolving form of family ties and its impact on the rise in alienation are also covered in the article. Among the key takeaways from this article are the fact that a number of things, such as abuse, neglect, and communication issues, can lead to estrangement. Furthermore, estrangement can be traumatic for both parents and adult children. There are strategies for making amends after alienation, though.
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In this day of age, parents are separated from their kids due to the lack of parenting. Technology has a big influence on the way kids behavior are shaped today. Younger kids on social media are being displayed smoking/vaping, drinking and etc; kids who haven’t even turned eighteen. It’s crucial to understand as time progresses its only going to get worse.
I learned about the thoughts children have behind the decision of family estrangements. It’s common to think that abuse or neglection occurred however this is not always the case. There could be physical, mental, sexual, or emotional abuse, toxic environments in general. When talking about parents, they tend to not see the damage they have caused leaving children feeling helpless; however, both sides have an impact on the outcome. I agree with the author of “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement”, Joshua Coleman. When someone is going through hardships regarding their mental health, it is hard to deal with or come out of. But I do believe there is always a possibility to fix what is broken. In “Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents” by Anna Russel, it talks about Amy’s life and how it changed after school. She developed different values than conflicted with her family’s, ultimately leading her to decide to cut ties. I think everyone should be able to do what’s best for them, but it takes time to come to that decision.
In the article by Joshua Coleman “A shift in American Values is Fueling Estrangement” I learned how the change of society’s view on relationships on the family bond, on unprocessed trauma and how different generations view family dynamics all help explain why recently more adults have opted to cut off contact with family. As the older generation holds more respect for elders and with no open space to discuss emotions or issues brought up they believe family is family and you owe family so. While compared to the new generation this open discussion about trauma, mental health, the idea of caring for yourself is over a family bond that doesn’t benefit you emotionally. My personal experience is switching from wanting to cut off my family to having a different perspective on how i was raised. Growing up especially when I entered high school and your sense of self is more discussed I thought about how an environment where I was constantly criticized didn’t make me happy, and lead to some deep feelings on how i view myself and the world. So I understand the point of leaving like discussed. Similarly the way Amy wrote about her experience of being constantly belittled for her sexuality is what I would see as an explain of why people cut family off. Why stay in contact with those who hurt you? Amy Russel in “Why so many people are going “no contact” with their parents” explains this perfectly. As is as similarities of the same feeling of being alone. But the difference is I had sat and thought of my parents stance on raising me, I know Im a forgiving person so regardless of the emotional pain in the past i chose to work past it. Amy Russel’s stance made me more understanding of why on would cut family of due to issues that are out of one’s control. You can’t make someone respect you and your life. Amy represents that in her writing dis using sexuality with a non open minded family. So her stance on why stay in contact with someone who makes your mental health worse is a great point, it’s just like friends. Of your not happy hanging out with certain people why stay? This is related to personal as growing up and becoming more independent ice of walking a way from family is more available. So seeing different ideas of why or explanations of experience of leaving family makes me relate it to my situation with my family.
In this reading “Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents?”. Its about a story of a girl named Amy who grew up in a christian family and her experiance of Family estrangement.
When Amy went off to college her beliefs and values changed from what she was taught by her parents. People cut themselves themselves from their parents because of conflicts over beliefs, values. Some see estrangement as necessary to escape toxic situations. Others, like psychologist Joshua Coleman, believe that open communication can help repair relationships. Cutting ties with family should be the absolute last resort, working through differences can sometimes lead to healing and understanding. Me personally, my parents and I fight a lot on our beliefs and politics, but we always figure it out. My family are the only people I know I can rely on, to cut them off is losing the people who love you and care about you truly.
Both articles go in depth on the recent increase in “no contact” adult children have been establishing with their parents. The increase can be correlated to the change in family dynamics; which used to be “based on mutual obligations rather than on mutual understanding” (The Atlantic, pg.2). Additionally, there has been “changing notions of what constitutes harmful, abusive, traumatizing, or neglectful behavior” (The New Yorker, pg.6). In other words, parents are no longer depicted as good parents for simply providing their children with basic needs —such as food, clothing, and shelter— but also for providing their children a safe and accepting environment. This is demonstrated through Amy, who wasn’t beaten as a child or neglected and instead loved (The New Yorker, pg. 7). Despite this, she still chose to go no contact with her parents when they failed to accept her shift in views and compromise with her on important matters such as her wedding. As Amy put it, “[their] ideology is more important to [them] than celebrating this life event with [her]” (pg.7). Both articles mention that it is typically a parent who refuses to attempt a reconciliation with their adult children (the adult children typically wait for a change before eventually going no contact). As a result, it is often the parent that suffers when they are cut off and it is often the child that feels free from any burden. Many parents view certain arguments as just arguments that will eventually be forgiven and, therefore, make no effort to grow. I myself have been in plenty of arguments with my mother, however, I am lucky to have a mother who makes notes of her flaws and is patient enough to see me realize my own flaws. Even though we have different viewpoints, we are still able to coexist with each other and not let it get in the way of supporting one another. I don’t see myself ever going no contact with her but I also understand those who have gone no contact with their own parents —my cousin being one of them. It’s sometimes simply too hard to reconcile with someone as it takes both sides to put in an effort.
In “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement,” the author discusses the emotional distance that can develop within families. Parents often realize only after a certain point that their children are distancing themselves. My observation is that many of these issues in parent-child relationships stem from a lack of understanding and empathy. This may seem strange, as adults have experienced childhood themselves, which should make it easier for them to understand their kids. However, generational differences can create significant obstacles. Even if parents have gone through similar experiences, it doesn’t guarantee they will grasp their children’s needs. The most effective approach to bridging this gap involves both parties adapting and working toward a stronger bond, though this is often easier said than done. In Anna Russell’s “Why So Many People Are Going ‘No Contact’ With Their Parents,” we see that building such bonds requires patience. When parents question their children, the children may become confused about why their parents can’t understand them. This disconnect can lead to “no contact,” as children realize that without an emotional connection, their parents are just people bonded by blood. When this realization occurs, children may cut ties with those who are difficult to understand and communicate with. Meanwhile, parents may mistakenly believe that their blood bond compensates for the emotional connection they fail to provide
“A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” and “Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents” are two different articles, but carry out a similar message. In both articles we learn about how family members are starting to go no contact, and not being on close terms with their family. In the second article we learn about a girl named Amy who went no contact with her family because their beliefs in religion, vaccines, feminism, and LGBTQ were clashing. Her family had even sent a letter to her college talking about how she went from being a strong believer in the bible to clashing against the things the bible said. She wanted them to either get vaccinated for her wedding or to not attend. She would say that the bible wasn’t actually against the LGBTQ community. Her family really disagreed and would try to make her change and call her selfish. She eventually went no contact because they weren’t trying to understand her point of view and were becoming real toxic. In the first article, we see how both parents and children can stop being so close if they believe they are being mistreated. Most of the time parents try to say abuse or anything they did wrong to their child was made up or was taken out of proportion. Leading to the child wanting to be less close and sometimes not want to work things out. The parents then also have a hard time wanting to reconcile with them. I think it is wrong to call your children selfish for their beliefs and not want to work things out with them and just want things to go your way. I think both sides should meet in the middle but if things are still not going well then having to cut off some ties with them shouldn’t be such a bad thing either.
In the article “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement:”, it explains how the emphasis on personal growth and happiness has increasingly been more prevalent in the present compared to the past and this is the reason a lot of adult children are estranged from their parents due to the belief that by estranging from their parent’s, they’re personal growth and happiness will increase. Many estranged children reported that they left due to some sort of abuse or toxic behaviors while parents would blame it on divorce or their child’s “entitlement.” I found this article interesting because I could relate to it. Growing up, my mother was an enmeshed parent and still is and I’ve never been able to feel like my own person. So much so that I couldn’t think for myself. Everything I did, I always felt pulled into asking for my parent’s opinion and what they think I should do. That is why for college, I decided to live in the city instead of my hometown although the commute from my home wasn’t very far from the school. It was a 27 minute train ride from home compared to a 30 minute walk from where I currently live. When you think about it, the commute is pretty much the same time but the freedom I had in each situation was completely different. Living on my own, brought me happiness and a sense of self that I would never have had living in my household. Currently, I don’t contact my parents unless it is for something important and I only go back every other week to make my mom happy. Otherwise, If I had the choice, I would choose to live on my own forever. The only person I keep in contact with in my family is my sister because we are very close. I’m not too sure what’s going to happen in the future but currently my thoughts aren’t too far off from the adult children who are estranged from their parents in the article.
Moving on to the story, Amy talks about her slow disconnect from her family. Because of differing beliefs and values, there were less and less topics she felt was safe to talk about with her family. It eventually came to a point where her parents wouldn’t even respect her boundaries. For instance, when Amy was getting married to her husband, she wanted everyone to be vaccinated. However, most of Amy’s family refused and therefore ended up not being able to attend the wedding. Like Amy, many others have been estranged with their parents mostly due to toxicity, difference in values and beliefs (sexuality, for example) and even abuse. Contrary to estrangements, non estranged children believe estrangements don’t last and people eventually reconcile with their parents because ultimately they’re family and you have a blood bond with them.
Joshua Coleman’s “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement” explores estranged ties between family members. Parents are shown to be riddled with grief, worrying that they may die without their children ever contacting them. A valid fear as most people are afraid of dying alone by themselves. When children go no contact with their parents, arguments regarding their lifestyle and personal life are most likely the reason for children not contacting their parents once they grow older. A parent’s parenting style may arise from how they were raised growing up however their children are born in a completely different generation. Children develop different beliefs from their parents as they are exposed to other information that their parents weren’t exposed to. In “Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents”, Amy decides to go no contact with her parents as her beliefs conflicted with the beliefs and values of her family’s such as religion , vaccines and the LGBTQ community, this cause a rift in their relationship with each other. In the end, altogether people go no contact with their families I believe that one you are ready to reconcile then you have a talk cause the chance to talk again may not arrive if you’re too late.
Reading “A Shift in American Family Values in Fueling Estrangement,” a post by Joshua Coleman, it is possible to use some of the data he provides to discuss how relationships between parents and children have changed recently. He goes further to say that when children are young and grow up, they tend to detach themselves emotionally from their parents once they are in college. this is not the same as in the past when family values were considered to be strong most of the time. Families experience feelings of rejection when children start to distance themselves from their parents despite the occasions having perfect reasons. It is seen that many children wish to become more independent hence a problem that can be anathema to parents. According to Coleman, most of these relationships can benefit from better communication. He believes that communicating feelings, such as empathy, might help parents and kids start over. this way families can make strifes to mend their relationships and possibly be even stronger than before. Technology is a critical factor in the shaping of kid’s behavior in the present generation.
The article “A shift in American Family values in Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman talks about the relationships shifts that families can have as time moves on. According to him there has always been an issue where kids separate themselves from their parents as they get older. He describes how its starting to become more of an issue in recent time. The newer generations are more attached to technology and are more focused that which can be one cause of this. The older generations didn’t have any tech back then so because of this they really had no option but to spend time with their families. The more time they spend with them the stronger the bond.
The article “Why So Many People Are Going ‘No Contact’ with Their Parents” by Anna Russell, the author explores the rising trend of people cutting off communication with their parents or family. This decision is often more complex than it seems. The story of Amy, someone that Russell interviewed shows the real meaning of the title of the article. Amy grew up in a Christian household and started to oppose her parents over their beliefs and political views. As she began to develop her own opinions, the family dynamic became more toxic, and her relationship with them grew unhealthy. Being the eldest sibling in a conservative family made it even harder for her. Eventually, she decided that going “no contact” was the best way to protect her mental and emotional health. Amy’s story helps depict the bigger picture that Russell is trying to show in the article. For many people, cutting ties with family is a way to escape harmful dynamics and take care of themselves. Amy proves that in the end this isn’t the solution to all her problems but it is a crucial step for her own wellbeing. Though she wishes for the best at times she wasn’t really left a choice given her circumstances.
Why are a lot of children not talking to their parents after they grow up. Recently it has become for children to stop talking to their parents as they grow up. As I read “A Shift in American Family Values in Fueling Estrangement. It went further into why this is happening. It talked a little bit about the story of Amy. Amy decided that she was gonna go no contact with her parents. And I do agree with the fact that if you feel that it is better to distance yourself that you should do so. I also believe that this has something to do with social media. Because now people have the ability to educate themselves a little bit about trauma. The author made made a very valid point about you will understand what is like to be a parent until you are one and I believe that sometimes us as children don’t understand why your parents do or act certain ways. Now, regardless of the fact, I still do believe that if you think it is better to go no contact, you should. Feel like as you get older you should be putting your needs first.
According to the article, “Why So Many People Are Going ‘No Contact’ with Their Parents” by Anna Russell, it has become common for young people to cut out their parents from their lives by going “no contact”. Russell shares the story of Amy, someone who went “no contact” with her parents. Growing up in a Christian family, Amy began to dispute with her parents’ religious views once she went off to college. The family dynamic became toxic as she started to form her own beliefs, and her connection with them drifted apart. She ultimately realized that prioritizing her health by going “no contact” was the best decision for herself. Amy’s story supports Russel’s argument of how many people find that cutting connections with family allows them to take better care of their health and avoid toxic relationships. At the end of the article, Amy mentions that she plans to start her own family and thinks about what kind of parent she will be. Meaning that she intends to parent her children differently than her parents. Many people can relate and say that there are some things their parents have done that they don’t plan to do with their own children.
The article “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman and “Why So Many People Are Going ‘No Contact’ with Their Parents?” highlight the growing issue of family estrangement, with different perspectives on its causes and consequences. Coleman, a psychologist who specializes in family estrangement, discusses how the rules of family life have changed over the years. He points out that, over the past 50 years, parents have worked harder than ever to ensure their children’s success, sacrificing hobbies, sleep, and time with friends. Despite these investments, many parents fail to maintain a connection with their children as they grow older. In contrast, Amy’s personal story in the second article reveals how differences in beliefs can lead to estrangement. Amy, raised in a conservative Christian family, was homeschooled and expected to follow traditional roles, including getting married to fulfill a spiritual purpose. However, after attending college, she began to question her family’s religious and political views, which led to conflicts, especially over issues like LGBTQ+ rights. This caused tension, and Amy eventually became estranged from her family. These stories suggest that conflicting beliefs often result in irreparable rifts, leading one side to escape rather than engage. While estrangement might seem like a solution, it often doesn’t resolve underlying issues. For some, like the writer’s own experience, open communication and understanding different viewpoints help maintain a healthy relationship, suggesting that facing reality and making the effort to mend connections may be a better path than going “no contact.”
A common theme in both pieces is how adult children are more willing to distance themselves from their parents if they consider that they are being emotionally harmful. For so long, it was accepted that we should accept how our parents treat us, even if we didn’t agree on it. Quotes like “They are older, we have to respect them”, “They are wiser so we have to follow the path they want us to follow” and “We should be thankful for everything they have done for us” are usually used to accept emotional abuse from parents and why one shouldn’t react or speak up. But the truth is, just like us, our parents are also living life for the first time and no one should be affected and have traumas just because they “don’t know better”. Nowadays, millions of sources exist to help someone to be a better mom or dad and efforts that go beyond the financial part need to be done to keep the family together. Both articles suggest that distancing from the family gets more common everyday, as emotional health is being more prioritize than traditional family obligations.
Both reading materials about Estrangement. While Coleman’s article focuses on analyzing the reason behind this phenomenon, the other article is written more readable by using the example of Amy’s story who cut ties with their family due to the conflict over their religious beliefs.
Coleman views divorce as one of the factors contributing to estrangement but the other factor caught my attention. The Author suggests that estrangement sometimes stem from ‘love’. What an ironic! I am not sure about the divorce can cause the problem but I agree with the second idea. Parents often justify their overprotective behavior by calling it “love”.
Children, no matter how old they are, have right to choose their own path in life and family should support their decisions. Some parents struggle with letting go of their children, even when their children are fully grown. I believe that is the beginning of all the conflicts which can lead to estrangement. Also, adult children should consider their parent’s perspectives and feelings as well.
These articles gave me a chance to reflect the relationship with my own family. I sometimes take it for granted. Fortunately I haven’t experienced a situation like Amy’s family but such conflicts could happen to anyone, myself included. For this reason, I try to avoid making mistakes that I might regret later when it comes to my family.
In *“A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement”* by Joshua Coleman, I learned that many adult children choose to cut contact with their parents. While this might seem extreme since parents are the ones who raised them, the reasons behind it often stem from how those parents treated them growing up. Some parents gaslight their children, fail to respect their boundaries, or hold onto outdated expectations of family relationships.
Beyond these reasons, I think modern mobility and social media also play a role. In the past, people stayed close to their families out of necessity, but now it’s easier to move across the country or even the world for school, work, or personal growth. Distance alone can weaken family ties, and if a relationship is already strained, there’s less incentive to maintain it. Social media also changes how we interact. Some people might feel like they still “see” their parents’ lives online, reducing the need for direct communication. Others might avoid family interactions altogether because of online conflicts or differences in values that become more obvious through social media.
Personally, I could never imagine fully cutting off my mom. Even though we don’t always understand each other—like when she thinks I only talk to her when I need something—I still want to maintain our bond. I don’t always share every detail of my life with her because I feel like she doesn’t always recognize when I genuinely want to connect. In that way, I see how some people might feel distant from their parents without fully going no-contact.
Ultimately, family dynamics are shifting, and parents need to recognize that what worked for their generation doesn’t always apply today. The ways children and parents communicate are evolving, and if parents don’t adapt, they risk losing that relationship altogether.
The main topic of both is estrangement with family—especially parents. Fortunately, I have never been in a situation like Amy’s—cutting ties with my parents—and they have never treated me harshly. Yet, I can still relate to the certain aspect of the Amy’s story and the idea of ‘Estrangement.’
I have been living away from home since high school, first in a dormitory, then during my military service, and now while studying abroad in Japan and the United States. However, during the COVID-19 pandemic, I stayed home and took online classes,
I have been living away from home since high school getting be lived in dormitory. Then, during my military service, and now while studying abroad in Japan and the United States. However, during the COVID-19 pandemic, I stayed home taking online classes owing to disinfection policy, which naturally increased the time I spent with my parents. I’ve always promised myself that I will be a good son and humor them. Yet, despite my best intentions, I often find myself frustrated by generational differences—especially their traditional views influenced by Confucian thought, expectations regarding household responsibilities, and their desire for me to pursue a stable career.
These conflicts arise from differences in generations, perspectives, and life experiences. While our disagreements don’t reach to estrangement like Amy, I could empathize with the necessity of balancing personal independence with familial expectations catching up with the change of the perception.
Both articles are about how children of today are getting more distance from their parents. However, Anna Russell is a narrative about Amy and her religious parents, while Joshua Coleman’s article is more research heavy and is written similar to an academic paper.
In Anna Russell’s story, Amy is depicted as the feminist daughter of a traditional religious family. Her family is overbearing, keeping her away from “outside” society and anything not related to Christianity. This, combined with Amy’s family’s closed-mindedness and refusal to listen, causes the two groups to drift apart.
In Joshua Coleman’s article, similar to Anna, he points out different factors that could cause parents and children to become estranged. These factors include overbearingness, lack of communication, putting too much expectation on their child, trying to live their life through their child, and a lack of boundaries between them. Additionally, Joshua also mentions how as time changes, our younger generation’s mindset and ideals change to reflect their generation. These could range from how, during our parents’ time, it is expected that a child must take care of their parents as an obligation, however, children are now more likely to distance, even abandon, their parents if they deem it to be the more healthy option.
To summarize, both articles highlight how a lack of communication and boundaries between the child and parents could cause a rift to form separating both parties. Anna did this by using Amy as a relatable character to the reader, while Joshua uses more facts and research to back up his statement, while relaying more information.
Sometimes, young people and their parents don’t understand each other well. Maybe they think differently about life or have small arguments. These days, some decide to stop talking to their parents because of this. I think that’s too strong a choice. Parents are the ones who took care of us when we were small, so we should try to keep talking to them. For example, I heard about a young woman who grew up with strict rules at home. When she left for university, she didn’t agree with her parents’ ideas anymore. They argued a lot, and she almost stopped contacting them. I understand she wanted to live her own way, but I don’t think it’s right to end things so fast.
In my opinion, stopping all contact should only happen if nothing else works. It’s normal to have different thoughts from our parents. Leaving them behind feels like escaping, and that doesn’t fix anything. We should try other ways first—like talking more or listening better—because if we cut them off, it might break everything for good. I believe it’s better to keep trying, even if it’s not easy, so we don’t lose that family bond.
These articles talk about how family relationships have changed over time with more parents and adult children becoming distant. The first article explains that even loving, who try their best can still end up losing contact with their kids. The second article talks about how more people see “going no contact” as a way to protect themselves, especially if they grew up in difficult or toxic family situations.
This made me think about how in the past, people felt like they had to stay close to family no matter what. But now, more people focus on their own happiness and setting boundaries. Sometimes, cutting ties is necessary because of serious issues like abuse, but other times, it happens because of misunderstandings or different values. Some people simply don’t get along, and rather than maintaining relationships that hurt them, it’s better to choose to walk away. It also shows how society is changing; setting boundaries with family is becoming more accepted and common.
The article “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman I learned that there is a rising case of family estrangement in modern society. Coleman points out how the changes in family life over the past half-century is the reason for separation of feeling and affection in family today. The problem is that today families are too focused on personal growth and happiness that there is no mutual agreement between two parties. The failing of understanding and society’s rapid change causes the estrangement in modern society.
“Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents” by Anna Russel tells a story of Amy who grows up in a restrictive Christian household. Her family’s strong and firm stand believes was too much for Anna to bear. This led to living separate apart. In multiple cases they tried to reconnect but were not able to come to mutual agreement. In the end, the family completely broke apart.
After reading both articles it made me feel the need for me to connect with my family more. With lots of things coming in life and schoolwork, time connecting with my family becomes fewer to none. The change of today’s society can definitely cause estrangement of family.
The articles by Joshua Coleman and Anna Russell are about how adults become estranged from their parents for various reasons. They both talk about how toxic behaviors from Parents, like stubbornness, no openness, controlling, can cause many adult childrens to cut off their parents. The thing about cutting off family is pretty controversial as parents are often the providers for their kids, and that the kid cutting off parents is shown to be disgraceful and ungrateful. The correlation and difference between the articles that Joshua & Anna wrote are noticeable. Let’s start with the difference, the article written by Anna Russell talks about a young woman named Amy, who came from Alberta, Canada, to a traditional, religious family. At first, her life seemed pretty easy, she was religious just like her parents and she believed in the bible, but after attending university, her view massively changed, she went from being religious to being more towards the liberal, nonreligious side, why? This is due to the topics that were being taught at the university, these topics, like regarding the bible, Christianity, homosexuality, etc. All of these were never brought up as much when Amy grew up, like the flaws of Christianity, why homosexuality is blasphemous, etc. When she brought these up to her parents, they actively tried to shut her down, showing their true colors, and when she brought this up with her brothers, they tried shutting her down with quotes from the bibles, this resulted in a clash between two groups, you had the religious, conservative group, being Amy’s family, and the Liberal, nonreligious group, consisting of Amy. Due to this clash, her family did not respect the ideology that she supported, which showed their toxic behavior of lacking support, and lacking communication, due to this, she ended up distancing herself from her family. With Joshua’s article, he, being a psychologist, focuses on what causes family estrangement, and he sees the big picture as to why, he observes the effects of it and sees that there are variety of reasons, one being controlling and manipulation, emotional abuse, lack of support and communication but also including neglect, Anna’s article is more of a story displaying one of the reasons family estrangement happens, while Joshua’s focuses on what are reasons behind the estrangement. The correlation with the articles is unique, Joshua’s article goes over the reasonings of family estrangement, and Anna’s article uses one of the reasons as an example; lack of communication and support. She represents the story of Amy as an example as to how family estrangement happens, it correlates very well with Joshua’s article, further strengthening his reasonings.
Amy’s story is about the field of family estrangement. It’s about traditional family, in which believe in God but not science, and their daughter who believe in the science and lot of new things. Her difference in knowledge and opinion makes her family start to have “no contact” with her, or even hate her. I don’t think have religion believe is wrong, but I think it is not a good idea to not get vaccinated because of it. Since it makes other people or even your family member in danger.
It reminds me of a story, the Allegory of the Cave from Republic by Plato. In the story, Plato describe people who spent their entire lives chained by their necks and ankles in an under-ground cave. There is fire behind them and all they can see only their shadows and some show from puppet players. Some men hold the statue and pass between them and the fire, to show them the shadow. They look at the passing showdow, and they hear the voice of the passing shadow. They build their view of world by shadow.
When one of them was forced to go out of the cave, the man is Amy for the article, she may be come painful and dazzled. But slowly she knows what the real world is, she see the object in the real world and she know the truth. Like those things out of Bible, the vaccine, the evolutionism, etc.
But when she was forced to go back to the cave, to tell her family the truth, her family member may think she is crazy and they would not believe her. And that’s where the estrangement comes from.
In the article “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in Family Estrangement, explores various reasons for estrangement between parents and their adult children. Common reasons for why adult children are no longer in contact are either the psychological or physical abuse perpetrated by their parents. This estrangement is fueled even further by their lack of empathy or remorse in understanding what they did was wrong. However, the author argues that while both parties are right in their own perspective, they both fail to understand how the rules of the family have changed.
In the second article, I personally think that it is wrong for Amy’s family to judge her for her views on sexuality, and her family should be less harsh. Their inability to accept her perspectives shows a lack of openness to different interpretations of faith. Amy’s family, instead of being more understanding, reacted with judgement, which only led to deepening the rift between them. In my opinion, this is one of the mindsets that can be harmful, and can potentially lead to the estrangement between the family.
In the article “why so many people are going no contact with their family”I found Amy’s story interesting yet pretty sad. I come from an open minded family even though religion is part of our lives. It made me realize that not everyone got the same luck as me and that in some families, religion is so important that its members can go no contact with each other because they had disagreements about religion and their way of thinking. In Amy’s case , she started to get more into a scientific way of thinking while her family kept their very strong faith in god. However, instead of being comprehensive with her and accepting her point of view , they just ended up “going no contact” and the family broke apart.
Family estrangement is experienced by almost all young adults in nearly every society; moving out of the country or city to study or work often marks its beginning. I personally experienced this last year when I moved out of the city to study. I would talk to my parents once or twice a day for just five minutes. There were days when I couldn’t talk to them for days—not due to any conflict, but because I was busy with my studies or work. Now that I am living with my family, I can certainly tell the difference and relate to the articles more. I agree that living away from family can help you avoid family drama and various other issues, allowing us young adults to focus more on ourselves while we figure out our lives. However, many kids intentionally distance themselves from their parents because of past negative experiences or relationships. While that makes sense to me, completely cutting off from family is something I can’t imagine doing, perhaps because in the society I grew up in, parents are respected no matter what, even if they are the worst people in the world. Like Amy, my mother’s side of the family did not attend her wedding. She severed her ties for the next ten years, not because she was angry but because my grandparents did not support her marriage for caste reasons. Thus, there can be situations where parents are responsible for estrangement. After my grandfather’s death, my mother reconciled with her side of the family, but she could never be the same girl they once knew; she had definitely changed during that time, as everyone does. Everyone has their reasons, but most of the time, it’s the mother who gets affected the most, as told in articles. In my opinion, Amy cutting complete ties for not attending marriage sounds wrong; getting upset, taking time from family, and anger are justified, but not leaving your family forever. What if she gets divorced? Temporarily taking a break from family is ok, but complete estrangement is not.
From Coleman and Russell’s articles, I learned about the reasons behind family estrangement and the trend of going no contact. Both authors highlight how personal unresolved trauma or toxic family environments play significant roles in these decisions. They also point out how societal attitudes towards family dynamics are changing. I can relate to this through my own experience of setting boundaries in relationships with my parents to protect my mental health. This mirrors what Russell discusses about the psychological impact of going no contact. These insights are relevant to our class discussions on family dynamics and psychological well-being. They inform studies in psychology, sociology, and conflict resolution, and are useful in fields like counseling. The focus on personal growth and boundaries is valuable for both personal and professional relationships, and can be integrated into major assignments. I personally think that estrangement is a crucial issue to focus on and we need to be able to make first steps in conflicts rather than waiting for it to be magically resolved.
In the article “A Shift in American Family Values in Fueling Estrangement,” Joshua Coleman talks about how family relationships have evolved over time and the reasons for estrangement. According to Joshua, there are many factors contributing to this, one of them is divorce. Fathers struggle to keep the relationships and roles in the family once divorced. This creates a bridge with their children full of resentment and disappointment. He also mentions how psychological conflicts from abused or neglected children can create unresolved issues causing a feeling of rejection to the parents.
I agree with the article and I think Parents have less time to spend on their children. In a 24-hour day, parents spend 8 hours at work, 1 or 2 hours commuting, and they get home tired. Raising kids requires of an important resource, TIME. Keeping children busy with crafts, playtime, painting, and reading requires time from the parents and they don’t have it so it’s easier to keep them tranquil with a tablet, watching YouTube videos. Kids are exposed to screen time from a young age. Estrangement is a result of a consumerist society that makes It seem that the main goal is just to earn money.
Before beginning, I wish to emphasize how much this topic hit close to home. Without going into much detail, I don’t have the best relationship with my parents. Once I become independent, I will most likely go down a similar route to the children in the articles.
These articles talk about estrangement, specifically a person cutting ties with their parents. These articles claim that estrangement has seen a recent trend, wherein more and more children, for a variety of reasons, end up cutting contact with their parents. These reasons could be a difference in views, a collection of grievances, or even a result of a single fight.
Naturally, the topic is quite controversial – if you have a happy and stable family, you would likely find the scenario strange and frustrating. You would most likely encourage reconciliation between the two estranged individuals and that “blood is thicker than water.” However, if you yourself have been under similar toxic conditions or believe to be so – then you may find yourself empathizing and feeling relief from the actions the children that finally decide to liberate themselves from their perceived toxic relationship. With my background and experiences, I was naturally biased towards the views of the children. The topic is quite nuanced, and no single solution exists for the wide variety of cases.
Both articles, by Joshua Coleman and Anna Russell, address the topic of family estrangement, both highlighting reasons that drive adult children to cut contact with their parents, such as lack of communication and emotional abuse. Coleman explores how changes in family values and society have contributed to this issue, while Russell shows through the story of Amy, who distances herself from her family due to differences in beliefs. Both emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and open communication to prevent family relationship breakdowns, suggesting that while separation can be painful, in some cases it is necessary to protect emotional well-being. In my experience, my parents are divorced, which wasn’t difficult for me since I didn’t grow up with them, so I didn’t form a strong bond or independence from them. This doesn’t mean I don’t care about them; I do care. My relationship with my dad is distant, and with my mom, it’s better. I think this depends a lot on how parents raise their children and how they receive it. There are many factors that influence this, more than just whether they separate as adults.
In the reading, I learned that many people are choosing to go “no contact” with their parents due to changes in American family values. The author explains that as society becomes more individualistic, people are placing more importance on their own well-being and mental health, even if it means distancing themselves from toxic family relationships. This idea really resonated with me because I’ve seen friends struggle with family issues, where staying in contact only made them feel worse.
I think the author’s view helps me understand why some people might choose to cut ties with family. However, I also think family dynamics can be complicated, and sometimes people just need time apart to work things out. My experience shows me that, while distancing yourself can help, healing family relationships is still possible with communication and effort. This reading helps me think about how personal boundaries are important for emotional well-being, which connects to how I manage my own relationships.
In the article “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement” by Joshua Coleman, he discusses his experience as a psychologist specializing in family estrangement. Coleman argues that, in recent decades, “‘the majority of American families have experienced weakening [extended] kin ties and high rates of mobility and dispersion. I would argue that these factors have made the opportunities for familial alienation greater than in the past’” (Coleman). He connects the rise in mobility with the increase in familial alienation, a view I resonate with as a Ukrainian student living in New York. Having moved from Ukraine without my family, I understand how physical distance can lead to emotional disconnection. However, I don’t regret the decision, as it has allowed me to focus on my career and personal growth. While I do not feel alienated from my family, I can understand how others may experience this. In “Why So Many People Are Going ‘No Contact’ with Their Parents” by Anna Russell, the article explores the story of Amy, who grew up in a Christian family but never felt a sense of belonging. I can relate to Amy’s experience, as I also grew up in a religious environment. Although my church was more progressive, I never fully identified with the faith, which mirrors Amy’s sense of disconnection from her family.
The *Atlantic* and *New Yorker* articles explore the rise in adult children going “no contact” with their parents. I learned that estrangement usually comes from growing emotional wounds, miscommunications, or toxic behaviors such as control, neglect, or disrespect. What was notable was the shift in how society now views cutting ties—not as shameful, but sometimes as a mental health and personal development necessity. I have not personally dealt with estrangement, but as an immigrant child, I am familiar with the cultural pressure and responsibility to keep family ties at any emotional cost. This helped me understand how boundaries can be self-care and not disrespect.