**Thank you all who responded! Click for my reflection.
This is an article that I picked from a website called Medium. This article, “Emotions Shape Our Relationships” was written by author Marc Brackett, Ph.D., and Co-authored with Robin Stern, PhD. According to Marc Brackett’s website, “a researcher for over 20 years, Marc has focused on the role of emotions and emotional intelligence in learning, decision making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance”. In addition, Robin Stern’s website states that “as a licensed psychoanalyst, I have dealt with individuals, couples, and families for over 30 years.” This article was originally published on Brackett’s website. It was published on November 24, 2019, but the website I read from Medium was posted on Jan 29.
Through this article, I believe that its audience of Marc isn’t just targeting a certain group of people, but all those reading this. Reading this article, rises our awareness and has us reflect on ourselves on how our emotions change between various people, and how it builds up the relationship we had with them.
During the article, Marc points out how we as individuals would interact with other individuals depending on the feeling we have toward them. For example, when you were young you must have a teacher that you feel strict or uncomfortable with, it would only make you want to distance them or feel awkward. Anyway, this article isn’t simply just wanting us as readers to be aware of this information about the connection between our feeling and relationship, but also encourage us to accept and make a change to the negative relationship we have.
- Do have any similar experiences that resonate with Marc with his supervisor. If so what or feeling toward them and how was your relationship with them?
- Have you noticed your basis toward certain people with the difference in the feeling you have for them?
- Complete the activity that Marc has to provide according to the article. “See for yourself: Make a short list of five people in your life. Maybe your partner, best friend, a co-worker or colleague, a sibling, a child, or an acquaintance you see periodically (a security guard, hairdresser, a bank teller). For each name on the list, answer this question: what is one word to describe how you feel when you think of this person? Answer the question quickly without overthinking it. Just jot down your gut response.” What are your responses to a list of people you have?
I had a similar experience to Marc and his supervisor, but the difference was that I had a disagreement with a classmate in the same class. Although he didn’t feel anything, other classmates and I felt very unpleasant. He is a person with very low emotional intelligence, and sometimes he wants to speak where everyone knows that he should not speak. After others finished speaking, he raised his hand after that and answered the same words(that happens very often), which caused everyone to be disgusted with him. But we all know that when all of us are a little disgusted with him, he will try his best to chat with us. I said that it was the first time that I hated someone so much, and it was the first time that I felt bored even talking. So the measure we take is to ignore him very much, and occasionally the necessary questions will be answered. I don’t feel this way about other people. Most people judge you based on their first impression and the way they get along later. None of my friends and some unfamiliar classmates can’t read the surrounding situation like him.
As for the order of the five people in my life: mom, dad, best friend (1), best friend (2), aunt. When I think of my mother, I feel the smell of fried rice. When I think of my father, I feel a sense of security. When I think of my best friend, I feel that she is so virtuous. When I think of another best friend, I feel that she is so smart and tall. Thinking of my aunt feels like my mother. I’m fine with that, after all, that’s how I feel about them in real life.
I have felt the same way when I think of my father with “a sense of security” because contrasts with my mother when she is not that reliable when doing tasks like cooking.
The sense of security my dad gave me is that when I go home at night, with him around, I won’t worry about bad people. My mother cooks delicious food. I grew up eating the meals my mother cooked, and it has a “taste of home”. So the first thing I think of is the smell of the food.
For my family, my parent seems very similar to the Chinese term “One sings the red face and the other sings the white face”. My mother might somewhat like red face being somewhat aggressive or some kind, but to make a huge contract with my father like white face seems more kind and secure.
I think people’s actions or words can affect their surroundings to a certain extent because the composition of our society is the connection between people’s beliefs and behaviors. A person’s emotions might make others feel the same way they feel. For example, when my parents were anxious or sad, I would automatically feel the same feeling. The closer I am to someone, the easier it is for me to empathize. I had a similar experience as Marc. When I was working in a restaurant, I had two managers, one with a disgusted and very strict face and one always smiling at me. I can’t say that strictness is bad, but if we can be more harmonious at work, we will be more efficient in finishing the tasks.
After reading this publication, I thought deeply about my usual attitude and performance toward the people around me. I found that we’re very comfortable and easygoing when I’m with my friends. Of course, we would talk to each other about our dissatisfaction with life. But our moods will not be affected by bad things that happen to us when we get along with each other.
Your explanation of your feeling toward the strict manager seems unhelpful to his relationship, resulting in the task not being finished more efficiently. Even though it might be unhelpful, you may also consider facing a similar feeling and relationship in the future: “what might you do to shift those feelings or enhance your interactions?”.
I agree with your opinion. The place where I work also has two managers, and one of the younger ones, about 30 years old, is an assistant manager. The manager who was older before gave me the feeling that he was more strict and not easy to mess with. So every time I am doing my job, I am afraid that I will make a mistake, especially when he is around. But now, I find that he has changed, he has become easy-going and humorous. So I won’t worry too much about my future work, and I dare to chat with him occasionally. So I agree with your opinion that “people’s actions or words can affect their surroundings to a certain extent.”