FRO 14 DFA

My first semester in Baruch College was amazing. I expected to get a workload of assignments in all of my classes but frankly, I barely got any homework expect for my calculus class where I got homework twice a week. The classes I got where not that difficult so far as you come on time and complete your assignments. My Professors were all decent except for one of them who gave me a hard time. I definitely had more leisure time than I did in High school. The two hour breaks that I got in between classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays were the best. You can basically do anything you want during those times even though it was club hours.
Getting money back from financial aid was definitely the best part of College. I didn’t expect to get that amount of money when I started college. Even though I used some of the money for school supplies, and metro cards, there was still a large amount left for me to keep. Plus I got Federal Work Study (FWS), so I had the opportunity to work in school for a few hours and get paid; which meant more money in my pocket.
One thing I regret was my lack of involvement with the clubs I joined. I wish I had been more involved with NABA, because I heard they have lots of connections with prestigious banks, and corporations. I missed a lot of their events and meetings. I’m not going to miserable because I still have 3years and a semester left to be more involved. One club that I was prepared to dedicate my time to, was the African Student Association (ASA) however, they never held any meetings or emailed me about major events so I couldn’t even participate in their activities.
College is definitely more exciting. There’re barely any constraining rules. I have more flexibility than I did in High school. The system in college is set up in such a way that the students are more independent. I’ve always been an independent person so college life fits right into my personality. I’ll definitely enjoy all four years of college.

As the first semester comes to an end, I am happy, excited, nervous, exhausted, ambitious, confused… the list goes on. Coming into this school, I was still suffering from the lasting effects of Senioritis; but it took half a second to snap out of it. As the first syllabus was slapped on to my desk, I had come to the realization that college was a different ball game than the daycare which I considered high school. Since then I have become a coffee addict; a few months ago I couldn’t even stand it’s smell! Countless sleepless nights, featuring a race against time as I compete to finish five page papers; followed by extremely long, difficult, and boring lectures the next day. College becomes a burden as you compromise your activities, free time, and leisure. With all that said, I couldn’t be any happier. Seeing my mom happy as I pursue my education and become a strong, independent man makes it all worth while. Knowing that I am working hard now to ensure a better life for myself and my family gives me all the motivation I need. The feeling of self accomplishment; knowing that you have remained focused while many of those around you have given up on themselves, gives me endurance whenever I contemplate becoming lazy. So as the first semester comes to an end, I briefly celebrate all of my accomplishments thus far, yet remain humble for the tough task lying ahead of me. I look to maintain my grades, make new friends, and ultimately complete the goals which i have set for myself!

     As the first Semester comes to an end, I look to the second and say “BRING IT ON”!!!

Photo source: tumblr.com

During my three months here at Baruch, it has been like a party to me. I’ve had a ton of fun and met a boat load of great people. Although it may sound weird, but I’ve actually been looking forward to college since my senior year in high school and I couldn’t wait to graduate. I always thought “College is going to be a lot better. I’m going to have all that freedom, and I can’t wait to meet a lot of new people! It’s going to be interesting and a bunch of fun!”, and it is! Well, at least the environment and everything else. Everything BUT the school work. Hahas! Like a party, my first semester in college did get a bit crazy, juggling school work and all. I’ve also passed out a lot!… from exhaustion! At times I wanted to crawl up into a ball and cry or just roll down a hill of rocks, but I don’t regret anything from this semester one bit. I believe life is about trying new things and making the best out of it, and I feel that that’s what I did. I made the most and the best out of this semester. If I were to do it again though- I’m not so sure about that. LOL. Well, okay. MAYBE. But I’m also looking forward to what’s ahead and everything else yet to come!!

My first semester in Baruch felt like a roller coaster. When you first go up on the roller coaster you would have this scared or nervous feeling in you stomach, and that’s how I felt like when I started college. College was a new experience for me and I did not know what to expect. I was scared but nervously excited at the same time. When you reached the high peak of the roller coaster and drop, you feel this rush in you. A good rush. After the first few weeks of college,  I started to enjoy it. I met a lot of new friends and was able to experience new things. There’s this freedom that I didn’t have back in high school. First roller coaster that I every rode was a great experience, and I feel like college would be one of them.

How can I define myself when I’m too busy living?
I’ve asked myself at nausea,
Conscious of my exhaustion,
Because I’m overworked,
And I’m overlooked because my parents don’t care how hard I work,
It’s the work I don’t do that they make remarks over,
I’m a car, and my mind is parked,
And my front tire is flat,
My windshield was ripped off,
And my rear window flipped forward,
I can’t see behind me, and I can’t wipe the obstacles,
And reaching my goals become impossible,
I don’t know who I am, but I see where I’m going, and I stop and think who am I?
But I don’t know cause I’m in the moment, electrified by the outspoken,
Because their minds are enraged by the warrant of fear and humility,
So they tranquil there stability and sleep on their thoughts,
And I’m a radio that speaks when all is lost,
Flourishing with channels at the cost of my sanity,
So my thoughts are spread in a mix,
Linked to the diversity of my life,
I don’t know who the fuck I am, but I keep moving because I’m busy living,
I’m a tree, and she was not,
But she connected with my thoughts and I found myself through her ambition,
And together we were unstoppable,
And I was invincible, but she left, and
I was invisible, cause I’m just a fucking tree, and I have nowhere to go, while she’s off on her rodeo around the world, and I sit and I think who am I? Because I’m tired of my endless tries when love is lost and I ask myself why! But I have no idea because I’m too busy living,
I’m a honey badger, I’m not scared,
I’ll suck the poison out of death,
And feed off of its meat, then thrive in the jungle, standing tall on two feet,
I can’t die because I have too much to do,
No time to sit around and think about you,
I’ve got a better connection that inflates my sensation until my mind is more like an animation,
So unrealistic but so true,
Who am I? I have no clue,
I’m a balloon, filled with confidence,
Floating high above my beautiful siblings who smile and chant my name to play
And I’m tossed and popped and inflated again, with messages of precedents that I must set, Afraid of going too high into the clouds but, but maybe that is where I belong,
As they let me free unaware that I’ll just keep flying if they don’t hold on, and I float and I ask who am I?
I have no clue,
I know I am someone, but I can never define him,
Because I am too busy living.

THIS.

THIS IS THE MONOLOGUE.

Life isn’t short, but it is unbelievably fast. It will not stop for you or for me.

You can find me enjoying every moment of it. Especially the hours of the night.

It’s literally the only time I can truly concentrate. The only time I feel that my full potential is expressed.

I was born in the day but created in the night.

My mother may have given birth to me at noon, but I found ‘I’ at midnight.

With my face between books that painted the walls of my bedroom.

From Orwell to Rand to Thoreau, these great minds all now have a piece of their grandeur within me.

The late hours of the night have been kind to me.

They have given me peace, calm, and quiet.

Conditions that are rarely found in this bustling world.

Where the stress of what’s next is gone as time loses its existence.

The night to me is not an escape. Rather it is the freedom to my life.

Where typography shifts into hieroglyphics as night becomes dawn.

There is nothing more beautiful than being enlightened during the darkest hours.

I am the nocturnal creature that sleeps in on Saturday afternoons, recuperating the lost sleep of the week.

I am ‘I’ thanks to the existence of the night.

THIS.

THIS IS THE END.

But see, just like the world has the end of its day, this is just the beginning of my night.

B. RUIZ

What’s there to say about college? College has been a vastly different experience compared to high school. I had never needed to pull an all-nighter before (at most stay up until 1:00am) but I’ve already done it twice in the past two months. Nowadays I feel far more exhausted than I was in high school despite getting more sleep now (went to sleep at 12:00-6:30 compared to now at 11:30-7:30). The “freedom” is much, much greater compared to in high school because there is simply far more  but at the same time there is a larger expectation to put time into quality work. In spite of these changes, I look forward to these challenges because I know that there is nothing that can be more satisfying than overcoming these obstacles.

Growing up, there was one rule that I constantly heard and eventually ingrained into mentality and that is “treat others as you yourself want to be treated.” This includes but is not limited to looking at things from other people’s perspectives to properly understand their reasoning, care not to say anything that may offend them, and, of course, treat them as nicely as possible. Every single person on this planet deserves respect because they all have good qualities within them, and by looking at these good qualities only then can there be a true appreciation of life.

Let’s face it. An only child is like a prince on a throne. The world as he knows it should revolve around him, and that is a lesson that his parents taught him since he was old enough to ask for things. He grew up with a mother who wanted to preserve his childhood for as long as possible, and as a result that childhood became almost permanent. He was constantly hailed as a smart and talented kid,  blessed with “such unimaginable potential, if he could only utilize it through hard work.” Feeling as though he didn’t need to prove himself anymore, that kid went on to fly through middle and high school with average grades and no motivation. Realizing only last second during senior year of high school that not everyone knew of his capabilities, because through a lack of hard work, none of them were showing. Determined to change his poor attitude, this young adult now entered Baruch College. With a steady relationship, and a whole summer of mental preparation, he felt as if his true capabilities could shine brightly, not like the lack-luster brown of the feces he had been dishing out before. The world was moving with him. Then, just like Murphy’s Law, anything that could go wrong, did. He lost his girlfriend, and with it his motivation. His lung gave out on him. Fortunately, it was only temporary, but not even his health was stable. As a result, his determination to shine faded into darkness. He realized his mind was still  that of  prince’s. After that realization, he knew that nothing would change, unless he accepted the change that slapped him across the face. Quite hard I might add. With it, he is now determined to tackle, and even conquer his academic career. That dethroned prince, who seemingly lost his motivation and false presence of valor, is me: Filip Tabak. The prince of a false, egocentric world, and a peasant with many lessons to learn in the real one.

Life has been rough and I been through a lot of trials and tribulations. I had the most important things and persons forcefully ripped out of my life forever but I still try to push on. Fighting for a better living is my only option. I fight not only for myself but for a team. A team that kept me sane all these years, supporting me believing in me and loving me unconditionally. It’s quite obvious I’m referring to my family members. They were all I had when I had nothing and I plan to move up in life and take them with me. I’m a man of simple desires. All I want is to be loved and love others equally.
Money has little meaning to me, because it can do so much for you. Sure it can buy you all the materialistic things in life, but how long will that last? You can spend all your life manipulating others and succumbing to greed but where will that get you? Your money won’t miss you when you die, it can’t love you neither can it carry on your legacy. I’m the type of guy who want to live life for what it is not what it can be. If your life goal is to pursue money, you will never be satisfied and you will only live life based of what you want it to be.
I take an optimistic approach to everything. Life is too short to be saddened by the little things. All it takes is a smile to make life a little bit better, so whenever I see someone down in the “slums” dreading life I often try to do something super cheesy and the person will usually smile. A small gesture but it helps a little and who knows maybe that little spark of positivity could do wonders for someone.
I could go on talk about myself but I rather leave some things an enigma. Just remember as long as you live a little happiness is guaranteed.

Sometimes I need a break and I yearn to be in my hometown, sipping on fresh pressed mango juice as I watch the sun set on the pyramids from the roof of my building. As much as I want to, I know I cannot just pack my bags leave; there is too much at stake. The foundation of my livelihood: my education, the family business, and future career opportunities all facilitate themselves right here in New York. Therefore, I have come to the realization that I will have to survive in the concrete jungle for a few years before being reunited with my beloved country. In the meantime, I have developed into a man of many goals and ambitions. My number one goal in life is to support my parents; a small price to pay for all they have given me. Perhaps this goal serves as motivation for completing my education and receiving a degree, especially when many of those around me have given up and lost focus.Until I am able to support them financially, I contribute my time and effort around the house and at the family business in order to relieve my parents of their tough schedules. During my free time, I associate myself with those that share similar goals, and luckily these people have been my friends since toddler age. As I grow older, I feel overwhelmed by some of the responsibilities of being an adult, in fear of being unable to fulfill these duties. However, I am reassured by my strong support system that I will be able to preform. Although I wish to eventually be in a different setting through constant maturation, hard work, and perseverance; I am contempt and extremely thankful for my current stage of being and even more excited to see what the next stage will hold!