FRO 14 DTF

Ana Gabriela Lopez

I caught glimpses of faces fading into the void

They remained daunted as if in a trance

Trying to understand, but then father starts calling

He hugs me and I feel a love passed down from generations

Now I am begging to see what is going on

With every breath I take, my heart feels as if it’s suffocating in despair

Too young to know what this is

I feel engulfed in confusion

I was used to seeing his smile,

With that wonderful glow

But now

His skin is left pale, feeling colder than a winter’s night

Reminiscing all our moments

I question God

Why must death be so cruel to those we love?

I feel such an indescribable pain seeing him lifeless

There he is…

My grandfather

Laying still with his hands across his chest

Realizing I lost my best friend

My heart was devoid of emotions

It’s then where I realized death is inescapable

For we must value every second of our lives

Not knowing what breath will be our last.

I hate New York City.
It’s romanticized and overrated. Who wants to live in a city that smells like garbage 99% of the time?

I hate New York City.
Public transportation is not useful. What’s the point of the subway if I’m going to be late to everything? And if you’re a woman, you can’t walk anywhere without being catcalled on every street.

I hate New York City.
It’s the place where I was told years ago that I probably wouldn’t survive. It’s where I developed anxiety, where I had to go through middle school and high school, which everyone knows is terrible. The worst parts of my life happened here.

I hate New York City.
It’s the source of my firsts. First steps, first words. First love. My first time on stage, my first time seeing people on stage. My first time picking up a guitar and sitting at a piano. Everything occurred in the same old place.

I hate New York City. Yet, I willingly chose to go to college here. It’s not just any city, it’s my city. I’m too in love with the romance and the memories and the talent on every corner. I don’t think I would be able to live anywhere else.

Chana Sitt

I can still picture her face; the fake smile of a woman who was crushing my dreams. My entire life I’d always envisioned my future at college. My parents practically drilled it into my mind. I was going to college. Now hearing her airy tone telling me the exact opposite sent chills down my spine.

In the 10th grade I was told by my principal, that I should not aspire towards higher education. That was not my role. My role was to raise a family, nothing else. I was suddenly the anomaly in the paragon of conformity. A jewish woman who craved more than a family, but a profession as well.

I knew then that it would be in my best interest to transfer schools.One that encouraged the education I wanted and could motivate me. It would be difficult, transferring in junior year (aka the hardest year of school) to an already challenging school. However, I realized that this difficulty would prepare me for the life and education I yearned for. It was no picnic. Arriving at 7:30 and leaving after 5:30. Coming home only to find tedious hours of homework ahead of me. But an amazing thing happened- I succeeded!

Life is almost like a needlepoint. At first all you can see is the back, a combination of stitchings that don’t look like much. But when you turn it around, you can see the beauty. How every stitch comes together to create a masterpiece. Likewise, now that I am in college I can see how every sacrifice in my life has helped me reach this point. Because I am already used to long hours and tedious work, college almost seems easy (so far.) I knew I would be a college girl, and here I am. I can’t wait to see where else life takes me!

College is supposed to be time in your life where you finally have the independence and freedom that you have always wanted.We are finally “adults”, which is scary and exciting all at the same time. Ever since I was younger, I always dreamt of how amazing college would be. And I have to say it really is! Even though at the very beginning I was nervous of the daunting task of finding all of my classes. I was nervous not only to not be able to find my classes but also to get lost on the way to school. But, after the first time that I did have trouble finding one of my classes, or walked a block in the wrong direction on my way to school, I realized that nothing was as bad as I had made it in my mind. People are always willing to help and a lot of the things that I was afraid of are not so scary anymore.  I also realized that there always will be people to help you with whatever is on your mind, even though you are an “adult” in college, you should never be afraid to ask for help, whether it is for directions or something more important.

I still cant believe that only a few years ago I was a freshman in high school and even then I felt old. Now I’m a college student and well I feel older but a lot more optimistic. High school didn’t kill me so I’d say my odds are pretty good that college won’t either, but time will tell. I’ve changed a lot from freshman year of high school physically and mentally. People say I changed a lot between the end of junior year and senior year which is the level of change I’d hoped for on the inside for my new transition into college. I live in a great city famous for more reasons than I can think of, so I’m satisfied with the place I’m choosing to grow into adulthood. The work is hard but I enjoy the feel of city life, and the school is relaxing in between classes. There isn’t much to say other than I’m going to try and use this time to have a college experience worth looking back on without making these my “glory days.” As far as I’m concerned the best days are still far ahead but I plan on using this time to shape myself into someone ready to live those days like I’ve never dreamed.

Born in one place and I’ve been raised in the same. I need to get out of here and experience something new. Although I can see my destination from where I live and I’ve visited several times, it’s not the same. Sitting on this rock looking across the river; I begin to imagine what it like is to be a New Yorker. Not to be held back by busses, tolls, or three miles of water. What does it feel like to wake up every morning in the city that never sleeps? (As corney as that sounds). A fairly large amount of people I talk to despise the city, whereas I can’t get enough. Four years ago I sat on that rock. Now I find myself in New York City where amazing things happen every day. It is a place where I can say that I truly belong. Today I’m back on this rock, yet again a spectator. Although majority of my time is spent in New York City, I am not a New Yorker, but a commuter. Every day I get a taste of being a New Yorker, but every evening it comes to an end. One day I’ll be there. I don’t know when, but all I know is that in four years I won’t be here on this rock anymore.

Members of my family have gone to college, but never finished.  I want to be the first one to say that they graduated college.  At first I was nervous, but then I started to get excited.  I thought, ” Yeah, I’ll have to take the train everyday but at least I’ll get to be in the city.”  The greatest city in the world.   I want to meet new people and obtain advantages that other people wont get at their colleges.  I don’t want anything or anyone getting in the way of me graduating.  I want to make my family proud.

Very few things resemble lookng accross 7th Ave. at 34th street at rush hour, waiting to cross. One thing that comes to mind is something I used to take part in at shows when I was younger. That was called a Wall of Death. Well, here I am. Whether willingly…or kicking and screaming…it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here, that’s what matters. “Look at the positives,” I say to myself feigning confidence, “You’re going to school in the greatest city on Earth. A great school too!” And I was right. Even just finding new combinations of Avenues and Streets to walk down during my cummute made things better everyday.

A week goes by. “I’m scared as hell.” Two weeks go by. “I’m stressed as hell!” Five weeks go by. “I’m tired as hell.”

Rhythm set in.

Six weeks now. Just got a 99 on an exam…I guess I’m not drowning…

Kaylla St. Luce

A typical thursday at Baruch

My first class is a combination of two things that I hate, math and mornings. It starts at 10:10 in the morning and continues non stop for two more hours. On most days I am unable to focus after an hour of watching endless numbers be written on a board, I spend the rest of the time thinking about my plans for the following weekend.

Club hours are my favorite part of the day because I get to see faces other than the ones I see in every one of my other classes. I feel like every week I make a new friend in the various groups that I have joined. Its very rare to see a face on campus that looks like mine. One day out of the week for two hours I have the privilege of sitting in a room full of people who look like me and share a similar culture as me. For these two hours I feel completely comfortable, like this is my home away from home.

My second class is music in civilization. This class is very easy, but very boring. I find myself struggling to stay up most of the time. Some days are worse than others, like the day we had to watch a 30 minute opera. That was torture.

My last class of the day is global history which ends at 5:25 pm. This class is by far the most boring of them all. I find it so hard to focus on what the teacher is saying and many times I find myself day dreaming. Sometimes I have to draw all over my notebook just to keep myself from falling asleep. Hopefully, next semester my classes will be more entertaining.

I’m in college man, wow. Here 18 years old and a freshman in college. Where did time go? It incredible to know that I have made it this far, but extremely scary how fast time is moving. Life is getting more complex and there is no way in stopping it. It is my first semester of college and I feel like I’m doing great. I feel more independent and on top of everything. It’s an exciting experience and I can’t wait to see the outcome of all this work I’m doing. It’s been hard to balance hours of homework with studying for exams and having a social life. It is my prime time and I feel as if it’s all going to focusing on school. I am focused to achieve a good future, but will I have time to enjoy my time now? My youth is quickly slipping away and my time is definitely not at a standstill. I think this is one of the hardest times in life when you start juggling priorities with having to master time management. I will be able to get through this, I know I will. I’m hoping throughout this experience, it will be all worth it. It just has to be.