A little less than two years ago, i decided to change my physical appearance at least what could control like my weight. On my birthday i took my first gym membership and started lifting weights to gain weight.At that time, i did not like being being skinny and that was the solution. That decision changed me and  i believed not to be the same person, it changed me for the better.Patience was one of the quality that i developed; getting the body that you want is not an overnight process  it takes a lot of time and it ask you to be patient, dedicated.One of the requirements is to push yourself if you want to see change.Many times you are tempted not to go workout and to simply enjoy yourself avoiding that pain.But after a while, i started loving that pain because it indicates me that i’m on the good track towards achieving my goal, it felt good.Working out make you stronger physically and mentally. You are after an ideal that require from you to get out of your comfort zone.In life i use the same attitude of not giving up every time things get harder. Pain is temporary but the rewards will last longer.You have a dream, an ideal it will certainly not be easy to get there but eventually giving yourself the right tools like hard work, patience and dedication will make you get where you want to be.

The most transformative thing in my life was becoming a feminist. Sometime during my senior year of high school a friend of mine was applying for a very basic job at a retailer store. After applying and accepting the job offer, she was told that the store would be taking back their job offer because they found a more qualified person. Upset, she spoke to me about it and I asked her who she lost the job to. She proceeded to rant about how she lost the job to a guy who was much less qualified. At the time I had no understanding of everyday sexism and inequality, so her story had very little importance to me.

That same day, I was grouped with some of my male classmates for an English project. The three of them argued for about 10 minutes on which book to pick and how to split the work. I figured I would give my opinion on how to split the work and they could decide which book to read. Immediately after stating my opinion I was immediately shot down with the statement, “Alright no need to be bossy” and followed by, “Shouldn’t women be back in the kitchen?” Now, I knew what he had said was offensive but I couldn’t state in words why.

I gave it thought and looked it up online. Was this maybe just a onetime scenario or did this happen all the time? Turns out it happens all the time. Every woman has been in some way either been harassed or disadvantaged by a male, even if not all men have harassed or disadvantaged a woman. Even if it was something as miniscule as having an adult chuckle at you as a kid for wanting to join a workforce predominantly run by men, to getting catcalled in the street. Maybe somewhere there’s a group of women who have not been subjected to this.

I’m aware that simply saying you are a feminist labels you as an extremist which can tell you whether or a not a problem exists. Regardless when asked, I will most definitely firmly stand behind my belief of feminism.

It’s our last day in Italy and my last day as a minor. There is only 5 minutes left in the day and our flight is in 5 hours. My friend messaged me to meet her at the beach in front of the hotel. As soon as I reach the water, I hear people start singing “Happy Birthday to You…Happy Birthday to You”. I turn around and in front of me stood all my friends with big smiles by a bonfire. It is then that I reminisce my first day of high school. And it scares me. It scares me because it was a time where I didn’t know any of these people that stand before me . It was a time where I didn’t have a single clue on how high school worked. Is the work more demanding? Are the classes harder? Who would I sit with at lunch? But the crazy thing is that I would soon experience this all over again in the next four months. It will be my first day of school and I will be labeled as a freshman again.  Turning 18 is just the beginning of my adult life and my college life. I would have more responsibilities and more work along the way. My friends will be moving away to their dorms and I will be continuing my life at Baruch. Everything is happening so fast. I feel like I can’t keep up. But never mind that for now, it’s my 18^th birthday.

              I grew up in a small, suburban town called Katonah.  It was like my own little bubble from the rest of the world.  I had never traveled further west than Buffalo and can probably count the number of states I’ve been to on my hands.  Sophomore year, my friend, Hope, asked me to go on a community service trip with her.  She’d done this once before and talked me into it right away.  It took a little convincing for my parents to get on board, but once they were, they couldn’t have been more for the idea of me going.  For this service trip we would travel, with a small group, to Nicaragua for a little less than two weeks.  In those two weeks we would build houses and latrines for two families. 

                  As I said early, I’ve never left the country, so I’m not going to lie to you guys, I was pretty sheltered.  I had this picture in my head of where those families lived: their homes would be on dirt roads, run down and falling apart.  When I was thinking of the term “homes”, though, I was thinking of an actual structure, with walls and windows and a floor.  I was absolutely shocked when I saw the “homes” these families were living in.  It was essentially four walls and a roof made out of black plastic, with no floor.  The family I got assigned to lived at the bottom of a huge hill.  This meant every time it rained mud would rush right under that plastic tarp. 

               We began by digging the foundation for the house and the latrine, then built them up out of cinder-blocks and cement.  This was probably the hardest I’d ever worked in my life, but the end result was worth it.  Just to see the smiles and the gratitude these family’s had.  The parents were at a loss of words and crying, they were so happy. 

               This experience really changed my perspective on the world.  It made me realize how truly amazing our lives are.  I wanted to stop taking everything in my life for granted-this started with my 40 minute showers.  In Nicaragua, at the end of each day we’d get a five gallon bucket, filled with water, and a bowl.  Going on that trip made me grateful for everything I was given in life.  It popped my Katonah bubble.

I am my own person.

I’m Gabbie.

She’s Jackie.

My sister and I were born together, making us twins.

We were raised together, making us sisters.

But like everyone else, we have our distinctions.

I have my likes and dislikes and so does she.

I like food and going out with friends.

She likes dieting and staying indoors.

I’m into romance and drama, while she’s into action and sci-fi.

I love the water and being able to tan,

Jackie prefers whitening lotion and covering every piece of skin.

We even look different:

I’m shorter with wavy hair and darker skin.

She’s taller with long straight hair and lighter skin.

I prefer the casual look with just a hoodie and pair of jeans,

She likes dressing up in skirts and heels.

We even went to different schools, making separate friends.

Trying to create an identity for ourselves.

But everyone seems to still classify us as one.

It’s become annoying and stressful.

It sometimes feels like I’m being forced to have both of out personalities.

My name isn’t “Twin” or “Kambal”-

I’m Gabbie.

She’s Jackie.

Stop calling me one of the twins.

That’s not my name.

College is very different from high school. First, the whole atmosphere is different, you are treated with more respect and the people around you are very mature. You are also very independent in college. In high school, I was able to get away with not doing most of my work and fooling around, but in college, the work is very serious. For the past few weeks, I had a chance to think to myself and realize how much responsibilities I have. So far everyone I met is very nice and I hope to meet more people like that. I am both scared and excited for the future experiences I will face in college.

I have all the time in the world, yet that clock keeps ticking. I close my eyes in an attempt to disregard it, but I can’t seem to block out the sound, that omnipresent tick. I open them once again to find that my whole world has stopped moving. I’m the only one not frozen, yet I don’t have it in me to move. Only my head is mobile, turning from side to side. But somehow, I don’t know what’s left from right, my mind failing to make sense of any direction. Somehow, I get one of my feet to step forward, the other one following slowly. I walk until identical doors suddenly appear in front of me. They have glass windows, however, all giving me previews of different trails. I stare blankly at them all, taking my time to decide which knob to turn.

But I hear the ticking again and I look up to see another clock. It seems to be floating in midair, pressuring me to pick a path. Overwhelmed by all my options, the same foot that stepped forward earlier now takes a step back. I find myself once again searching for something, when I finally find it: a simple, black button with the word “Success” in white, bold letters. It’s floating, too, and when I try to reach up to press it, it moves away. The button passes through the window of one of the doors. And in a hasty attempt to follow it, I open the same door and run through it, keeping my eye on that elusive button. Once I go through the doorway, however, the door in its entirety disappears. I look around my new environment and realize that the button chose for me. Did the button actually exist? I push the question into the back of my mind as I take it all in. Maybe I’ll learn to like it here.

The hardest thing in life is losing someone that is close to you it changes the way you act and live your everyday life. Every second you are thinking it can all be taken away from you because you have had that feeling before.  It also changes the way you think you start to do the things that you enjoy and stop worrying about what others around you will think.  Losing someone is a life changing experience because it shows you what is really important you start to focus on the big picture and not the little things in life.

Everyone has had an event that has changed his or her life and mine was when I started college. For most students, entering college is a scary and overwhelming experience. This is because most people are afraid of the unknown. Not knowing if you’ll make friends. Not knowing if you’ll do well. Just not knowing anything.

The transition from high-school to college was rough. Many changes were happening around me and they were all happening so fast. I would no longer be with the same people I’ve come to grow close with for years. I would no longer be told where to go at what time and I would no longer have my parents take care of my problems. I was now an adult. Nobody would constantly check up on me and make sure I was doing what I supposed to. I had to take care of myself.

Going to college changed my life a lot. It transformed me from a little boy to an adult and it taught me many things. College taught me to stick up for myself. College taught me how to manage my time correctly. But overall, college taught me responsibility. I am my own person now and I will keep changing as I experience new things. THIS IS HOW I VIEW MYSELF

Guys, we should start taking down our tent. It’s our last day out in the open – let’s finish this right. Remind me to say something at our meeting later today. I wrote something I want to share with you.

I’m happy the trip is close to over – mostly. I enjoy the carefree nature of the wilderness. I enjoy how days end as quickly as they started and I enjoy being free to do as I wish out here. But life out here gets repetitive. Setting up a tent, preparing food, digging cat-holes, walking for hours on end can only happen so much before it becomes a bore. The tundra all looks the same. It’s beautiful but its beauty is so abundant; it’s easy to grow tired of it. Every day there is a view of the mountains and clouds that are always at least partly cloudy. Occasionally those mountains will be covered in snow but that’s as diverse as the scenery gets. The Jacksina is brown everywhere, even where it starts. Rocky drainages and creeks in other places only provide so much clear water. The only other scene that is different is the dense forestry that forces us to bushwhack, but the immediate threat of a bear, and the chore that is bushwhacking distracts one from the beauty of the forest.

Hiking began as something we had to do. Sometime during this trip it became something we enjoyed doing. However, towards the end people started forging their own intimacy barriers. This made hiking feel like a chore again. People are too scared or unwilling to show how they truly feel. They are also unwilling to share experiences too personal to them. This intimacy barrier hinders us from getting to know one another to the best of our abilities. Once a person decides to close up, once he has exhausted all he is willing to share, the relationship becomes more focused on the present.

But maybe that’s a good thing out here. Maybe it’s OK to only live in the present – away from past regrets and disappointments and away from future anxieties. Maybe it’s OK to live life one task at a time and rather than focus on the past of a person, to focus on their growth happening right before your eyes. That’s true beauty.