What a crazy time in my life.

I started Baruch working at a full time job in a start-up, with a full-time evening schedule of classes. Today, I’m involved in running three different start-ups of my own and I go to school part-time. These last couple of months have been a period of transition for me – where I ascended from becoming a cog in the machinery of life to the master of my own destiny.

Probably the most significant lesson I learned in the last couple of months here at Baruch is time management. Never before have I ever been so pressed with deadlines and responsibilities. At this point I think I’ve got it figured out and it feels good knowing I can navigate around a tight schedule.

I believe I’m on the brink of success at this point. I think this is gonna be a big summer for me.

To summarize my current state of mind, I’m attaching this GIF from The Wolf of Wall Street =)

it is easy to want to do something that will ultimately make your life better and open up more opportunities for you. It is also easy to tell yourself that this thing that your doing is good and not to have bad expectations or doubts. It is not that easy to listen to yourself when you say those things. I’ve wanted to go back to school for a couple of years now but it seems as if the more time I took away from furthering my educations the more uninterested I became. I think ultimately it’s the fact that I have to abide my others rules and schedules that I do not like. I think almost every day I woke up with this image reflected on my face because I really did not want to go to school. It does not help that I generally work long hours and then have to be awake by 6a.m. to take a annoying train ride where there is often many delays to get to class. After class I head right back to the train for my long ride to work. All in all I was traveling about 5.5+ hours a day between work and school. This fact made any enthusiasm I might of had to go to class completely non-existent. Ultimately the semester was in no way hard or overwhelming maybe just tedious at times. Maybe work has made me more capable of handling a lot of things on my plate and for that I am thankful. I did find myself being very surprised at how intense the attendance policy at Baruch is. It is/was probably on of the things that I struggled with the most. Especially since one of my professors told me that I had one of the highest grades on the test but if I continue to be late she would have to drop me from the class. It was astonishing to me that attendance was just as or even more important than how a student is doing academically. One thing I do need to work on is not being late to my classes and mustering up the enthusiasm to go every time I can. I did enjoy going to the FRO class probably most of all just because sometimes it was beneficial to sit and talk/write out some of the frustrations I shared. Shanima thank you for being available to help and answer all of our questions this semester!

Hopefully this image does not pop into my head everyday for the rest of the semester.

Daneka John

Source: http://www.memes.com/img/61411

So while I ended up having to drop that dreaded calculus class, all in all, I had an incredible semester and I feel this jocular Taylor Swift meme accurately depicts that.  I lost someone really close to me and got fired from my job in a matter of weeks, all while deciding to go back to school for the first time since I graduated high school nearly eight years ago.  I was juggling a lot of things at once, and a lot of those things were awesome (when I started the semester I had a boyfriend and a job).  But I still have a lot of things.  I have a new lease on life, a 4.0 semester if all of my finals work out as planned, and I did something I thought I couldn’t do for the first eight years: went back to college and stopped judging myself for being decently older than everyone else.  I’m still juggling a lot of things at once (or have a lot of things on my plate, like we talked about in Shanima’s in-class activity) and probably will be juggling a lot of things for the rest of my journey at Baruch and through life, but I’m juggling success, just like T-Swift and that’s a great thing to be juggling.  Here’s to things looking up and not taking summer classes.  🙂

My trip to the Rubin Museum was really nice. As soon as I walked in I was in shock of now nice the facility appeared. The woman at the front desk was extremely polite and accommodating, unlike many other museum clerks I have encountered in the past. It isn’t as big as other museums such as the Guggenheim or Natural museum of history but I enjoyed the simplicity of only six floors, two of which weren’t opened yet. The collection is mainly about Himalayan art including great works from the Tibetan plateau. I spent most of my experience looking at beautiful artifacts such as the ones pictured below.

These artifacts stood out to be because of their beauty and of their simplicity. Decorated saddles were used as a sign of status throughout the Himalayas. The Vajra and Bell are mainly seen being held by deities in paintings and sculptures, usually used in Tantric Buddhist rituals. The Vajra basically symbolizes ‘compassionate action’ and the bell symbolizes ‘understanding of reality’. The amulet box shows the intricate metal work where regions of eastern Tibet are known for.

The sixth floor of the Rubin Museum was a bit scary for me. Most of the other people in the museum were carefully studying the masks on this floor. I stayed for a few minutes took a look around but the masks were terrifying. So I decided to check out the gift shop before I departed.

I enjoyed how much the gift-shop had to offer, it consisted of really cool hand pained coasters, nicely decorated candles, quilts and jewelery. I did decide to buy a book called Rebel Buddah and I’m excited to begin reading.

Overall I enjoyed my experience at the Rubin Museum and will definitely be returning.

Math has got me feeling like….

My first three months at Baruch have been fun, and flew by. Even though I’m only taking 3 classes this semester I have made some friends and learned quite a bit. My math class is so confusing and has been really frustrating, which is why I chose this Gif. taken from (http://theberry.com/2011/09/09/full-of-emotion-15-gifs/). I work part time therefore I haven’t been able to spend too much time on campus other than when I have classes. I have used the gym and been to the library once, that was cool. I like how both Baruch buildings are only 3 blocks away and are convenient to get to from the 6 train or N/R. I’m looking forward to my next few years at this school, especially learning new things and meeting new people. I’m hoping to find time to get more involved in school activities and make my Baruch career one to never forget.

The worst first date

A few years ago, before I moved to NYC I was crushing on this guy. He was super handsome and we had a lot of mutual friends in common, so we agreed on meeting up for a casual date. I would occasionally visit my friend Sabrina in Williamsburg and happened to be hanging out at her house before I was suppose to meet up with this guy. We hadn’t decided where to meet yet but knew we were going to dinner.

Via text

Guy: Where do you want to go?

I’m thinking I don’t know…I don’t even live here.  So I asked Sabrina if she had any suggestions. Her suggestion was Roberta’s in Bushwick.

Me: How about Roberta’s?

Guy: Na that’s too expensive.

Me: Well what are you looking for?

Guy: 2 $$ on yelp.

Now at that point Sabrina advised me against going out with this jerk but for what ever reason I went along with it. So he suggested a Thai place.

Guy: Its BYOB

Me: Huh??

Guy: Bring your own alcohol.

Say WHAT now? this has gone far enough. I had to stand my ground.

Me: You can pick me up a bottle of Merlot on the way there.

He finally agreed and we met at the restaurant. (I walked by the place 3 times because it was the size of a closet.) It had one table inside because well… It was a take-out joint. He was surely attractive so I thought I’m already here, might as well eat something. So we hugged, made some small talk & ordered food.

Me: Hey where is the wine?

Guy: I didn’t pass a liquor store on the way, the corner store only sells beer (points to a 6 pack.)

Wow! What a jerk I thought. I decided to stay. I know what was I thinking right? So I had one or two beers of his and he paid for the bill (at least) which was indeed under $20. We decided to grab a drink at a nearby bar and the night came to a quick end after we sit down and he says “you owe me a drink since you drank my beer.”

When I started my freshman year at Baruch, I knew that all my time was going to be consumed. So it isn’t strange for me to make a statement like such in the photo. Although I just did it because, honestly, that’s the only things I expected out of my experience. Everything else was pretty unpredictable, at least as probability goes. I thought I was going to be surrounded by a bunch of highly studious, rich, douchebags that couldn’t take jokes. And of course, you have those people around you, but for the most part, everyone is pretty free flowing. Not everyone is endowed with riches as a stereotypical college student is shown. People here just want to pass there classes; they aren’t trying to set their goals in the stars. I find that alright, but as a person who is paying for his experience out of his own pocket, it is a bit disconcerting. I thought that these classes were going to be very difficult, full of things that I wouldn’t be able to understand, or things I didn’t even know about. But all these classes are pretty easy, and as far as student woes go, calculus seems to be the hardest. If so, I shouldn’t find difficulty in all my classes. I didn’t expect for the school experience to be as chill as it is. I thought it was going to be a more finite and “snooze you lose” type environment, where one mistake could cost you. Which, I wouldn’t even want to make one just for my own personal record, but at least I know I can. But time is essential around here. Everything is about time management. I know how to manage time, but I think that the only lesson college is trying to teach me is time management. All of this math and politics and other class subjects mean nothing to the actual lesson at hand. They are just things to teach this lesson with. So with that, my time is lost. I don’t like that. It’s easy enough, but I feel like the only thing Baruch has taught me is how to tighten my time. And that SUCKS.

As a rapper, I pride myself in being able to spin words into an unpenetrable cloth of verbage, as many rappers do, and should do so. But I’m also many other things, and one thing i am that defines me is being a nerd. These two titles don’t mesh together, at least, it never did perhaps 30 years ago, when rap was in it’s peak. The most superficial thing to do is to test my skills, and many are shocked at the way I could spit. Most would see it as a gift, something I just have a knack for, and i’d beg to differ. I was never much of a creative fellow; I stuck to the books most my life. I am a very articulate and organized creature of habit, so it never occurred to me that this may just be a talent. I’ve always viewed rap as something easy that can be taught and something everyone could get and do. Many don’t, and it isn’t the most formal thing to be taught formally. This is my attempt to do so.

In rap; the subsect of poetry to rhythm; there are three main components. These things only allo one the ability to rap; not what it takes to be a rapper. Being a rapper involves much more, like background, personality, homefront, themes and variations of poetry, style, and the business like. What I intend on focusing on is just being able to rap; not the development cycle of a rapper. These three components are all important. Some rappers can succeed with just 2 out of 3 of these components. Flow. Lyricism. Delivery.

Just to site some examples:

Flow & Lyricism: Joe Budden; Childish Gambino; Hopsin; The Palmer Squares.

Flow & Delivery: Meek Millz; Rick Ross; Lil Wayne; Wiz Khalifa.

Lyricism & Delivery: Immortal Technique; Fort Minor; Common; Grandmaster Flash.

Not many can conquer all three successfully, but many show individual occurences of such. These are the rappers you know the most; not just off of radio play; but through tabloids and other business endeavors:

Flow, Lyricism, & Delivery:EMINEM; Kanye West; Drake; The Notorious B.I.G; Big L; Big Pun; Big Daddy Kane… JUST TO NAME A FEW.

But each component can be identified, described, taught, and utilized to the users preference. The combination is up to you. Many start off at Lyricism & Delivery (not to say it’s bad because that’s where many start). Slowly, it develops into Flow & Lyricism. Once it is mastered, Flow & Delivery is easily intiated. Being able to combine all three is at the listeners choice. I will explain all of them in one nutshell, and you decide which component is which.

Rap contains bars, which are lines of rap. More than likely, bars end with direct rhymes. Ex: Bat; Cat.

These are direct rhymes. The words sound exactly the same, except for the first sound starting the word. Usually, these words are spelled exactly the same as well.

There are slant rhymes. Slant rhymes are rhymes where you need to “bend” the words, as Eminem said on 60 Minutes. He takes a word that people perceive do not have direct rhymes for and bends it. Bending the word would be to take the word and alter the sound of the syallable that you want to rhyme. EX: Orange, Doorhenge, Four Inch, Storage, George, Porridge.

With Orange being the first word, every word would be bent to sound as such. Notice that “George” only has one syallable. You could also stretch the word to have the same amount of syallables, that way the rhyme is more tighter. Say “Jor-Ige” (George).

You could also take a word and break it down by the vowel sound it coordinates with. Take the word “Coordinate.”

Coordinate: O-Eh-A

Now you could use those vowel sounds to find words that rhyme with those vowels instead of thw word. You expand your vocabulary this way. You could also omit the middle vowel sound and you will still get a coherent rhyme.

Coordinate: More to hate, Pourous State, Open Gate, All au fait.

Rhymes can start at the begginning of the word or the end. Take the word “Begin.” There are two syallables: “Be” and “Gin”. You could now find words that rhyme with only one of the syallables.

Be: See, She, Lee, Key, Deem, Free, Tee, Me

Gin: Win, Bin, Grin, Fin, Chin

You’ve expanded your rhyme scheme, which is the reoccuring rhyme in a series of bars. These individual syallables can be used to open up transitions from one rhyme scheme to the next.

Using all these ways to create rhymes, this develops your flow.

Begin: As I begin to see sin, my teeth grin, eyes deepen to the seats end, eyes twinklin’, my dear friend.

When you read it out loud, you hear a pattern. The way the bar floats through time is your flow. Flow is the way you SPEAK your rhymes, not how you put your all in them. Flow is a measure of time revelant to rap. Some have fast flows, called “chopping”. EX: Tech Nine. Some have slow flows. Ex: A.S.A.P Ant. Some have steady flows. Ex: ANY OLD SCHOOL RAPPER. Flows can be interchangeable, as well as mastered and known for, even imitatable. You know a “Drake” flow when you hear one. It’s different than a “Ol’ Dirty Bastard” flow.

When it comes to rap, you must be talking about something. You could string rhymes together ad make them sound nice, but concept and topic is very crucial. Most of the time, these things we talk about are personal things, like the lives we live. But the lives we live are very crazy and unpredicatable. Often times, we don’t have the rhymes to be able to describe something as grand as the life we perceive. That’s why most rap is always about the same thing: money, clothes, and hoes. It’s easy to talk about because it’s something we all have and all want. This is why these components cannot survive perfectly amongst each other. We will either weave words, sound good but say nothing; or say something and sound good, but the words are basic; or say something and weave our words, and leave the crowd wanting more ENERGY.

Our energy is delivery. In mainstream rap, this is one of the most important components. This is the emotion we put in. Rap is special, because its a form of music you must understand in a certain way to be able to appreciate it. But emotion is understood at the listeners discretion, and is often interpretated in different ways. That being said, it is a universal language. And to master it is vital to rap. Someone may not understand your words, but will still understand how you feel. This is why mainstream rap is so… mainstream. It’s easily identifiable.

I rap. I wouldn’t know how to define myself as a rapper, but I do follow these components. Not because  must, but because I cannot rap, nor can anyone else, without them.

You’re gone, but your clothes are still here.  This bed is far too big for just me and it smells just like you.  The cabinets are half-filled with all your favorite foods; there’s no way I could ever eat that much peanut butter by myself. This apartment isn’t the same without you.  You’re gone and I don’t know what to do.

Do you remember when we met?  In that same hospital of all places.  Cancer brought us together and tore us apart. How ironic.  You said you loved me with no makeup on and chemotherapy drugs dripping into my veins.  You were sweet to humor me than.  I loved the will you had to survive and your skin covered in tattoos.  But now you’re gone and I don’t know what to do.

I met this guy at a bar last night.  He asked if I was single and I didn’t know what to say.  He bought me a beer I didn’t like and when he noticed, he switched his drink for mine.  I cried because you used to do that all the time.  I ran outside and he followed me.  He kissed me, without asking what was wrong, and walked me back to the L train.  I’m sorry I kissed him back.  Please don’t be mad at me.  I fell asleep on the floor of your closet when I got home and covered myself in your clothes.  You’re gone and I don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry for all the time I got mad because you forgot to turn the TV off before you left for work or take the garbage out on Thursdays.  I would take the garbage out a million times if it could bring you back.  We had so many stupid fights in that tiny Queens apartment.  I found you on the floor in that kitchen, balled up like an infant, when you found out the cancer was back.  I know you didn’t want me to see you like that; in three years, I never had.  You were so helpless and I felt my heart hurting with yours in that moment.  You’re gone and I don’t know what to do.

I wore your favorite dress to your funeral.  It was purple and slutty and if you were there, I know you would’ve reminded me of that.  I covered myself in all the things you had bought me over the years.  I’m sorry I couldn’t look at you like that.  I resorted to gluing my eyes to the pictures of us that still fill my phone’s camera roll.  I don’t know if deleting them will make this better or worse for me.  You’re gone and I don’t know what to do.

The day I lost you, I was at work, too busy to be bothered with my phone.  You texted me a picture of our bed, your side of the bed, and it was neatly made and empty.  Your text message following that said: “don’t even think about hogging my side of the bed when I’m gone.  I love you Veronica.  Forever my pretty bird.”

You’re gone and I don’t know what to do.