Ever since my first visit to New York City, I always wanted to live in NYC. I don’t know what to do now? I always wanted to get here. Well, I am here now. Did I actually wanted this or I thought I wanted this? I wanted to follow my dream as an Investment Banker on wall street, working at places such as JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs. I believe I can get there. But, would that make me happy? I am not sure. I have come to a point whenever I have a moment of happiness, I want to share it with my family. I look aside and realize that they are not here with me. Is it the personal glory, money and freedom that I want? I guess there comes a point in every persons life when they have achieved everything and realize that there are no close people to share it with? Do I want that ? Or I should have thought that before I made a decision to come here? I guess I was being selfish.. My parents let me go to follow my dreams, even though they wanted me to stay. They cared about me. Their happiness lye in my happiness. I ask myself that is that why my parents raised me, took great care of  me, fulfilled my every dream and every wish that I made. Did they raise me as a child so when I grow up, I leave them on their own and move to another country that is 8000 miles apart, when they need me the most? I guess, they didn’t ask about that but I should realize that. My father is a diabetic and a heart patient. Every time I wake up, I think to myself if my father is okay back home. My sister is getting married and she is waiting for me to comeback so she can go through with the wedding. I ask her to just go through with it, but she says, “not without you being there with me”. I miss my family and my country. I am always smiling but I am not sure that I really am. At least, NYC has bars everywhere, where I can let it all go for a while.

Am I thinking way too much ?  I am still not sure about my future.  I guess I know one thing, there comes a point in every persons life when they realize that they missed too much in life when focusing on career. If I choose to go back home after graduation, would that affect my morale in studying right now? I guess I should focus on the present and do the best I can and leave everything else on fate.

I hate life. It’s always full of hard choices.