Rima XXIII – Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer
Por una mirada, un mundo,
Por una sonrisa, un cielo,
Por un beso… ¡yo no sé
Que te diera por un beso!
Translation 1
For a look, a world
For a smile, a sky and heaven,
For a kiss…I do not know
What you give for a kiss!
This translation is nearly literal, with one exception. “Cielo” means heaven in Spanish, but in this context, it can also be referred to as the sky. But since in English we do not say “a heaven,” I translated “un cielo” using both translations of “a sky” and then also “and heaven.” The principal point of this translation was to provide as much as a literal example as possible with the entire understanding of what the author was writing.
Translation 2
A look has a world
A smile has a sky
For a kiss….
I do not know
What I would give you for a kiss!
In this translation, I actually asked my mother, a native Spanish speaker, how she would translate the poem. This translation had the goal in mind of “making sense” to a non-Spanish speaking American audience. This translation is much less direct, and a little more vague, but it works to capture the feel of the poem.
“A look has a world” changes the meaning of the poem slightly because now, it is not about what the poet will give for one of the person’s looks or smiles, but what those looks and smiles do for the poet. They contain the world and skies in those actions, rather than the poet offering those things to see those actions. There is perhaps mild confusion as the pattern of the poem has changed (the first two lines do not begin with “For a …” while the third line does) so that may be a bit jarring and require a little more reading to understand what is being said.
Even so, I think the feeling that the poet is deeply in love is just as dramatically present in this translation. It is still understood that after the emphasis placed on just the look and smile, a kiss is not something the poet can quite fathom. That emphasis is also dramatized by making the 4 lines of the poem into 5 lines. I moved “I do not know” to the next line to exaggerate and elongate the author’s thought process on how he really has no idea what to give for a kiss after much thought. This translation leaned more toward capturing the essence of the poet’s work.
**In case you were wondering, “Rima” means “Rhyme.”
Hey JoMaris,
I translated a Chinese verse and I thought it was quite interesting that one of our translations were fitting towards the English-speaking audience. I came across the same problem where I had to alter the meaning a bit to make it flow a bit better so that a non-native could understand better. It was quite challenging because in the word by word translation, some words did not have a direct translation, but multiple ones. By translating un ceilo into both heaven and sky, I think it adds extra weight onto the poem. Also, by adding the additional line, I feel a difference in tone rather than the meaning because it places such a strong emphasis on the kiss.