“There is an uptown, express 4 train approaching the station, please stand away from the platform edge” says the invisible, echoing voice at Bowling Green, as the din of train tracks grows louder and louder.
The student sprints towards the train, as droves of people provide a barrier towards the now idle train. He pushes and shoves towards the turnstile. The train stays there waiting for him. The student swipes his almost empty MetroCard in the reader and moves forward into a locked turnstile.
“Swipe card again at this turnstile,” the machine reads, as the train pulls away, almost as to taunt him. The boy, realizes he will ultimately be late to class. “I am a fool, as usual! Had I not stopped to give money to a homeless man, help an old lady cross the street, and said hello to an old friend, I would be in class on time!”
I took stylistically from The Dog and the Scent-Bottle. I like the use of the conversation and action in the story, and like the twist at the end, where the speaker makes it about the public in general rather than just a dog. I tried to emulate that with this prose, while conveying (semi-accurately) a morning I experience (besides all the nice stuff the boy does). It almost conveys the fact that in New York, one needs to have tunnel vision to get to places on time, and unfortunately, good deeds can hinder one from getting where he or she is heading.
I like your overall message that certainly connects to Baudelaire which is the idea of “good deeds can hinder one from getting where he or she is heading”. Aside from Baudelaire, your statement is very true but its something that is presented in The Dog and the Scent-Bottle, that one does need this idea of having “tunnel vision” and being committed to one thing and one thing only to obtain it. I also like your subject matter of the train and the entire “swipe again” as its something I go through practically every morning. However, you are able to convey a message in your imitations that connect to the way Baudelaire writes. Great job!