4 thoughts on “Rhetorical Comparative Analysis 1st Draft”
gabriel i think that this is an excellent start to your essay but I there are a couple of things that you can revise to make it better. I think that throughout this essay you make some excellent points when comparing two articles but in most places within the essay, I feel like you’re using fluff words to make it longer. In the sense that there are many instances where you talk about about the same thing and go in circles. also, I had trouble finding your thesis so I think it best that you incorporate it into the introduction and from there explain the article’s points of view and argument styles. lastly, I noticed that you used I in one of the sentences, I don’t think that it is a good idea to use words like I or you because it can take away from the quality of the essay
I think your essay is very well written! I found some small citation errors: don’t put a comma before the parentheses when you cite the same and then page number. And, I think that you always have to state the authors name even if if you are talking about the same one. Also, I don’t think you should put s comma after your quotation marks when you state the titles. But those are just nitpicking errors. Overall, that the second paragraph needs to be a little shorter, maybe not so much in depth about what the articles are about, but just briefly, so that you can get to your thesis. In the last body paragraph, I would abstain from using the first pronoun, cut that part out, and immediately go to “If torture kills… directly after your quote. I think what you’re missing is some sense of a conclusion, just to tie your whole essay back together. In my opinion, it seems like you end the essay abruptly, without tying it back together and reminding the reader what you are arguing about. But overall, this is a very nice start and I think you have almost everything you need!
Gabriel, I think this essay is a really great first draft. You added to sources that were clear and have explained them well. However, I would like to point out that some sentences can be cut out as it sounds like they are just details to an article with no point. For instance, I think for the introduction, “but if this is a truth… reality?” I think it’s use of repetition. I also feel like because you are over the word count, you can possibly shorten the second paragraph and the fourth one and try to make them flow together into one paragraph. Overall, i think you explain the articles in so much detail that you have room to shorten certain parts, but I like how you explain the authors perspectives/points well.
I think you did a great job starting the essay and comparing your two articles. I feel like your introduction is pretty long and your missing conclusion where u summarize your essay and tie it together. I think there is repetition in some parts where you’re kinda talking about the same thing. I also couldn’t find a thesis in your introduction. But overall this is a good start and points that are brought together.
gabriel i think that this is an excellent start to your essay but I there are a couple of things that you can revise to make it better. I think that throughout this essay you make some excellent points when comparing two articles but in most places within the essay, I feel like you’re using fluff words to make it longer. In the sense that there are many instances where you talk about about the same thing and go in circles. also, I had trouble finding your thesis so I think it best that you incorporate it into the introduction and from there explain the article’s points of view and argument styles. lastly, I noticed that you used I in one of the sentences, I don’t think that it is a good idea to use words like I or you because it can take away from the quality of the essay
I think your essay is very well written! I found some small citation errors: don’t put a comma before the parentheses when you cite the same and then page number. And, I think that you always have to state the authors name even if if you are talking about the same one. Also, I don’t think you should put s comma after your quotation marks when you state the titles. But those are just nitpicking errors. Overall, that the second paragraph needs to be a little shorter, maybe not so much in depth about what the articles are about, but just briefly, so that you can get to your thesis. In the last body paragraph, I would abstain from using the first pronoun, cut that part out, and immediately go to “If torture kills… directly after your quote. I think what you’re missing is some sense of a conclusion, just to tie your whole essay back together. In my opinion, it seems like you end the essay abruptly, without tying it back together and reminding the reader what you are arguing about. But overall, this is a very nice start and I think you have almost everything you need!
Gabriel, I think this essay is a really great first draft. You added to sources that were clear and have explained them well. However, I would like to point out that some sentences can be cut out as it sounds like they are just details to an article with no point. For instance, I think for the introduction, “but if this is a truth… reality?” I think it’s use of repetition. I also feel like because you are over the word count, you can possibly shorten the second paragraph and the fourth one and try to make them flow together into one paragraph. Overall, i think you explain the articles in so much detail that you have room to shorten certain parts, but I like how you explain the authors perspectives/points well.
I think you did a great job starting the essay and comparing your two articles. I feel like your introduction is pretty long and your missing conclusion where u summarize your essay and tie it together. I think there is repetition in some parts where you’re kinda talking about the same thing. I also couldn’t find a thesis in your introduction. But overall this is a good start and points that are brought together.