Gabriel, this is a very good draft! I like how detailed you were in everything that you wrote, and your paragraphs are well developed. However, the paragraph about white vs. pure lies. I personally didn’t really understand the full distinction(even though it was mentioned in the following sentence, so that’s good). Maybe you could try developing that distinction a bit more. I also noticed some minor MLA formatting errors: put the periods not inside the quotes, but outside cited parentheses. Also, make sure to capitalize all first letters of words in the titles of articles that you have mentioned. Other than that, it is really nicely written!
Gabriel this is a very good draft. Reading through it I can tell how you connect the sources and you own personal narrative, this was done very well. Just some things to point out to make it stronger is, I feel like there is a lot of fluff in the essay in the terms that there are point where you continue explaining your story when there isn’t a need for it. It also seems like you are repeating yourself. A way to solve this issue could be to condense those parts of your essay and explain how you felt rather than just telling us the feeling. I’m a sense I am trying to say you should incorporate a bit more imagery to strengthen your essay. But overall this was a very good essay
This is a very good draft! I like how you were detailed about everything and how you have all your sources together and cited. I think in some case you are repeating yourself. Make her to capitalize all your first letters of the titles for the article. Other than that this is great draft!!
Gabriel, this essay is great. I think you started off strong and have a clear thesis. I think your explanation of every source you used was very detailed and explained them well. A couple of things I want to mention would be to fix some grammar, there’s just a few. Also, make sure to make an indent to the paragraph “This is because”. Those are just the little things, overall this is a very well-written draft!
Gabriel, this is a very good draft! I like how detailed you were in everything that you wrote, and your paragraphs are well developed. However, the paragraph about white vs. pure lies. I personally didn’t really understand the full distinction(even though it was mentioned in the following sentence, so that’s good). Maybe you could try developing that distinction a bit more. I also noticed some minor MLA formatting errors: put the periods not inside the quotes, but outside cited parentheses. Also, make sure to capitalize all first letters of words in the titles of articles that you have mentioned. Other than that, it is really nicely written!
Gabriel this is a very good draft. Reading through it I can tell how you connect the sources and you own personal narrative, this was done very well. Just some things to point out to make it stronger is, I feel like there is a lot of fluff in the essay in the terms that there are point where you continue explaining your story when there isn’t a need for it. It also seems like you are repeating yourself. A way to solve this issue could be to condense those parts of your essay and explain how you felt rather than just telling us the feeling. I’m a sense I am trying to say you should incorporate a bit more imagery to strengthen your essay. But overall this was a very good essay
This is a very good draft! I like how you were detailed about everything and how you have all your sources together and cited. I think in some case you are repeating yourself. Make her to capitalize all your first letters of the titles for the article. Other than that this is great draft!!
Gabriel, this essay is great. I think you started off strong and have a clear thesis. I think your explanation of every source you used was very detailed and explained them well. A couple of things I want to mention would be to fix some grammar, there’s just a few. Also, make sure to make an indent to the paragraph “This is because”. Those are just the little things, overall this is a very well-written draft!