Labor Log:
Task One: Develop a clearer central point and organize your essay around it. Use more transitions and write more of your own synthesis and analysis via research. Too much of this essay is pasted quotation, and too little of it is your writing (not generalizations, but your interpretations of research and relation of that research back to your central claim). Your paper needs a significant scaling back on its use of quotation. Offer a clear conclusion to the entire paper that completes your analysis and arrives at your core point.
To address this task, I decided to go through all the annotations that Professor Graves gave me which highlighted exactly where my over usage of quoting was prevalent. I definitely cut down on the quotes, shortening them to fit my specific needs in relation to my thesis and this paper. I completely cut down on the paragraph about Rothman and only left what I deemed relevant to my point about finding support in online support groups. I also added sentences after the quotes to better my synthesis of the information they provided and tried to relay it back to the thesis. The thesis being that social media has a beneficial effect to healthcare. To address more of my own writing, I wrote more in general of my own words highlighting my points about the different reasons I give of social media’s benefits. I followed the annotations and filled in the gaps. I completed the paragraph on WebMD and like services, and added a conclusion after summarizing the essay including points about services like Reddit, the spread of alternative medicines, and online informational services. I also completely reorganized the arguments within the essay moving Reddit up much higher with the anti-vaxxing case.
Task Two: Integrate more and better research. There’s a clear dearth of good scholarly work to back up your claims, and sometimes more concrete information like data will help to support larger points you want to make.
I added research to back up more of my claims and I did so conservatively making sure I was not quoting too much or too much irrelevant information. I included more relevant information on the social media spread of traditional Chinese medicines, marijuana with the CBD Boom, and the role of Reddit as a therapist. And a multitude of facts about the Anti-vaxxer movement.
Task Three: Offer more concrete information, articulated with nuance. Offer more examples and the phenomenon you discuss. Qualify your claims with the potential of alternative perspectives
So, to address this task I considered the great benefits of including a counterargument so I reinforced my article about Reddit’s notoriety and added a counter argument about WebMD’s ethical issues as prompted by Professor Graves which I found very interesting actually especially when my research led to some interesting findings on a drug company using the site to get people hooked on drugs. I also added my own commentary on how I viewed the issues.
To address the first point where I lost points I added my own commentary and synthesis to address my claims and gotten rid of useless fillers and information. To gain back organizational points I reorganized a few paragraphs to provide for better cohesion of the piece as a whole, and to get back points about having multiple sources in which to synthesis I added more research from valid sources and made sure to provide valid commentary on their relevance. To retrieve points for a cultural artifact I discussed marijuana in depth as well as social media and alternative medicines prevalent in Chinese culture which have been brought to light by the virtue of social media.