Growing up in a divorced home, I’ve always felt alone growing up. Instead of talking to anyone about my problems, I always sucked it up and acted like everything was okay in order for my family to move on. I never thought about how bad this was health wise, but I realized that all those kept emotions would just build up inside and at the worst moments I would just explode. That’s one thing that I regretted the most and till this day am still working on it. My mom being a single parent, I thought that being this way would just benefit my mom in minimizing her troubles and guilt for getting a divorce with my dad. For my little sister on the other hand, I acted like this because I played the father figure in her life. I would take care of her, take her to school, cook for her,  and made sure that she never needed anything when my mom was working her two jobs. I didn’t want her to see me upset about was going on in our life at the time, so I put a fake smile so she can grow up happy. As I grow up and time goes by

I try to be more open

to express my feelings

but I’m still sheltered

Being in a silent setting and alone is very common and has become comforting in my life. I know others can be reading this and think that I’m weird but I enjoy being in my own personal space. Being this way has helped me because I’m in my own world and that’s one way that I implement one of Zen’s principles in my life. Doing this helps me reach my enlightenment persay because it’s my way of meditation. How? I think about my problems and as weird as it sounds, I talk myself in my own head and figure out solutions to those problems. This is my form of “breathing”, because instead of freaking out and looking for help I deal with issues on my own. I don’t depend on others this way and being by myself helps me clear my thoughts in a peaceful way.

I sit alone

thinking for a better tomorrow

peace at last

My friends, coworkers, family members but most of all my girlfriend always want me to express myself to them. Even though I struggle to do so most of the time. I still appreciate the thought of them taking the time to actually care for me and ask ” Is everything alright?” Or ” Are you okay? “. This falls under one of Zen’s principles which is to appreciate the little things. All though this may seem like something little, for me just that question means a lot. Which is why I’m really appreciative for having these kind of people in my life . I know that I can go to them for anything.

My friends are there for me

asking me questions

couldn’t ask for more

As of now I’ve learned to cope with my past and be excited for my future. I’ve come to terms to that everything happens for a reason and that’s what keeps me calm and in a positive mindset. This is what helps me reach another one of Zed’s principle of natural state. My natural state is being quiet, humble, but most importantly grateful for the little things.

Life can be hard

struggles and kept emotions

there’s always light at the end