Clutter, due Monday, 10/21

Please read “Clutter,” on page 40 of your reader.

Then, paste in a sentence from your essay in the comments section. Using what you learned from the reading, de-clutter it, and place the new sentence underneath it, so we can all see two versions.

13 thoughts on “Clutter, due Monday, 10/21”

  1. Original: The first couple of days at Talpiot were not as bad as I expected, as most of the children were not there yet.

    De-cluttered: Due to the fact that only few children remained in the home, the first couple of days in Talpiot were easy.

  2. Clutter: I had spent much of my High School years trying to perfect what I could and possibly grasp an idea of working hard by thinking and critically of what I wanted to do in life.

    De-Cluttered: I spent many of my High School years learning thinking and critically of what I wanted to do in life.

  3. Clutter: My teachers showed concern for my well-being and my tendency to not do assignments, but I highly doubt that they were prepared to handle a situation I happened to be in that was more of a hellfire.

    De-cluttered: My teachers were concerned about my failing grades and depression, but they did not know how to handle my angst and depression.

  4. clutter: I have also learned to juggle long hours of practice with burning the midnight oil to prepare for exams in my core courses (thank goodness for the train ride home, too, when I crack open my textbooks and get to work).
    de-cluttered: I have learned to manage my time by studying on the train for my core courses

  5. Clutter: Every encounter I had with him in the hallway consisted of him asking me various things about me trying out and getting involved with the team.

    De-cluttered: Every time I seen him in the hallway he asked me various things concerning trying out and getting involved with the team.

  6. clutter: I’d still keep the religion though, but having a Pakistani culture in an American Society is complicated for me to get used to it.
    de-cluttered: I’d keep the religion but not a foreign culture because I’m naturally an American.

  7. Clutter: Coming from a different country with English being a second language, my mom managed to finish with her undergraduate degree while raising a newborn and my sister.

    De-cluttered: Coming from a foreign country, my mom managed to finish with her undergraduate degree.

  8. Original: My brother was obviously speaking their language which in my eyes seemed to immediately always make him look like the better brother.

    De-cluttered: Since, my brother could speak their language he was always preferred over me.

  9. Original: Even though I consider myself completely fluent in English, I still struggle to find the right words from time to time when it comes to writing or speaking.

    De- cluttered: Even though I consider myself fluent in English, I still struggle to find the right words when writing or speaking.

    I took out: “completely”, and “from time to time when it comes to”

  10. Original :I tend to use facial expressions to showcase my emotions unconsciously and I did not plan on ruining the dinner by turning the attention to myself.

    De-cluttered: My facial expressions showcase my mood and I did not want to draw attention to myself.

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