My courage
Have you ever thought about where your bravery and confidence come from? When you have confidence in every exam, this confidence may come from your hard work in class and review. When you can play a joke on your friends, this confidence comes from your friendship. Life will be faced with a lot of choices, every time the consequences of the choice are unknown, may be good, may be bad. What matters is whether you have the courage to take that step; For me, it was my family, their love and support, that gave me the courage to go ahead. Their love makes me brave to face any difficulty, therefore, when you feel confused with many choices in your life, don’t forget, there is family behind you.
Swipe, I am holding the student ID card entering the building. Where is it? There is baruch college where I am studying. Every time when I stand in front of the school, the mind in my brain is how close I almost give up. Before I went to college, I was a new immigrant who was very unsure of myself because of the new environment and language barrier. Whether in school or communication, I always trying to play an invisible person. This negative feeling will always made me deny myself, deny my uniqueness, deny my efforts and shine. So I had been on edge since I submitted my college application. Keep thinking I’d be rejected by every college. This feeling caused me to break down several times as I saw offers coming from people around me and still nothing came for me. Therefore, when the offers from CSI and Brooklyn College finally sent to me just before I thought my life was ending, it made my heart beat again. However, a bigger surprise was coming.
It was a very ordinary day. I went to and from class as usual. When I got home and was about to take a nap, my email popped up with a message that obviously began, “Congratulations! From Baruch college.” I was stunned and repeated to make sure it wasn’t a scam. When it was confirmed that Baruch’s offer was real, I was really excited at first, but only for a moment.
Then came the denial that I wasn’t a particularly bright student, that I wouldn’t be able to handle such a good school. I believe there some people got the same experience with me, we got used to putting ourselves in the deep. In fact, I did not expect to receive the offer at the beginning, but now even though I received it, I still had no courage to accept it. So it went on the back burner until my father asked me, “Have you decided where you want to go to college? Are you going to Baruch College?” I said, “No, I’m not going to Baruch.” My father said, “Why?” “Dad, I don’t think so. It’s a good school. I don’t think I should be there”. In fact, I was scared, afraid that I would fail, afraid that I would not overcome the obstacles. That was my answer to my father. He was silent for a second, but without criticizing me or forcing anything, he just held my shoulder and said to me, “You are always doubting yourself. Have you ever thought about why you received the offer, so many students, why the school chose you? It’s because you’re good enough. You make them think you are worth it. There must be something about you that they see.” I was silent. My father continued, “You can try it. If you don’t like it and it’s too hard, Dad can transfer you. You don’t have to be afraid, you can try as much as you want, whether it is wrong or right. You have always been my pride. “At that moment, the rock that had been pressing in my heart began to loosen. Could I really do it? I clenched my fist and said, “I’ll think about it.” My father patted me on the shoulder. “No matter what you decide, I will support you!” Then he turned and left.
As I sat on the couch in deep thought, I gradually became conflicted. I don’t think I am the only one who thinks like this: I wasn’t as smart as others, I was afraid of failure, and I felt that I would fail my parents. But turn to the other side to think, my father really believed in me, encouraged me, and approved of me. I still couldn’t make up my mind, so I called my cousin and told her about my confusion. She hardly hesitated and said happily, “What are you afraid of? There are better choices and you must go to better ones. I support you, and you must believe that you can do it!” Unlike my father’s earnest voice, my cousin’s cheerful tone was suddenly animated and less serious, as if she were only talking about what she was going to eat that evening, a natural expression of confidence in me. “Just go ahead and have faith in yourself.” Confidence, I haven’t had confidence in myself in a long time, all this time my confidence, courage and pride locked away buried deep. I had been letting my low self-esteem control me. The affirmation of my family today has given me the courage to face this life choice. Yes, to have a try, to be brave once, the future of the road is to make their own, I also can’t.
So, in that moment, I found myself. I am who I am. There is no need not to be confident, I will always have my light. To be as good as I can be, to be who I am. I have the courage to try whatever I want to try, choose whatever I want to choose, not care about right or wrong, easy or hard. Because I can turn back and go again. Because my family gives me courage. They are the source of my confidence. If you feel unconfident with your life, if you are afraid to fail because of the choice you made. Looking back, your family always stands behind you. They will always have your back and you will always be their pride.