Author: r.dinglas

I spent good times together with my grandmother. She wore dentures to chew food. The second she removed them off I put my index finger inside her mouth. She took a liking to it plus she looked cute with her wrinkly face and toothless mouth.

We laughed at her because she only knew how to speak two words. She would go “Nick Nick Nick” if she got angry. We couldn’t understand what she meant by “Orange.” Maybe she wanted an orange.

Several months later her health worsened and my mom brought her to Franklin Center in the intensive care unit. My mom revealed little about her condition, but I sensed the tension on her face. I didn’t believe that would be the last time seeing her.

And then on the morning of November 18, 2003, my mom gave the dreaded news. I remembered the anguished look on her face not wanting me to hear those words. She summoned enough courage to say, “Nanay Dig died.” The shock of the news hit me. I didn’t know how to react since I was too young to comprehend death.

I remembered beer tasting like shit the first time someone convinced me to take a sip of it at my house. Now I know why I never drink alcoholic beverages ever since. I was the curious little eight-year-old. At this age, I also got into trouble a lot.

I’m in the 3rd quarter of third grade pretending to get along with my class. They were mostly nice to me, but there were the ‘bitches’ that always found a reason to pick on me. They called me a girl for twirling my hair, ugly and took turns bossing me around. They broke me down enough that I went to the corner of the classroom to cry because I wanted no one to see me.

And then this guy named Russell came to me. He was the only one I felt who had a heart for the little guy (me). I became a gangsta or at least I thought I had by his company. One time, my inner ghetto came out during recess when I cursed out his black friend name Joel. I said, “Fuck you! Ass white! and it felt good. He’s like “Yeah! That’s my boy Ryan!”

As tough as I was on the exterior, I couldn’t hide inside my pain.