Author: jl131653

I cannot whole-heartedly love an entertainment system that decides to cast out the people of my color. This may have been a subconscious decision that was made when I was younger, but it is a conscious decision now. When I was younger, I always picked out the Asian character in a TV show, film, etc. as my favorite. I was always interested in the cartoons that were dubbed from Japan, even though when I was younger, I didn’t know that it came from Japan. I just find it interesting that even when I was younger, ignorant to all, I still had a connection to my Asian roots.

In fact, this semester, I had to switch professors because the professor immediately pointed me out being the only Asian and how “Asians never get anything wrong on tests.” Even when I didn’t get the answer correct on my first try later on in the class, the professor still said, “See. Asian.” Honey, no. Get it out of your head that just because I’m Asian, it means that I am smart and immune to error. It’s actually quite the opposite, I’m not the brightest of the bunch when it comes to academics, and it’s not because of my race, it’s because of who I am.

 

From all of the fucking people skipping the line, as soon as I entered the doors to Best Buy theatre, I ran down the escalator to the main room. I ran as fast as I could to get that spot that I deserved. I waited in the cold for over twelve hours. I followed breadcrumbs around the city trying to find them. I dedicated my entire existence to these girls. I deserved this. I was running when I encountered another mini staircase that I thought I could get down fairly easily and fairly quickly. I was wrong. I slipped. I saw the chances of me seeing them front row flash before my eyes before reality hit me real hard and I caught myself on the handrail. I continued to run and saw a tiny opening in the front row glowing like a light at the end of a tunnel and squeezed my tiny body in between the two fans who side-eyed me so hard their eyes must’ve came out.

 

I felt the bass and my heartbeat synchronize as one. The time has come. The background music stopped and the sound of air horns blasted through the speakers.

 

“I go by the name of CL of 2NE1.”

 

I was shaking.

 

I literally convulsed my body to such irregular movements from the excitement of the girls walking out on stage to their debut song “Fire,” the song that started everything. I held my picket up high, sang all the words, and danced their signature “eh eh eh eh eh eh eh” moves. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The perfection that I have loved and known was standing before me. Goddesses. Ethereal goddesses. This was no exaggeration. I felt as if light radiated through their bodies.

 

–there’s a lot of middle material between waiting for the performance that i still need to write. i’m having difficulty piecing the memories back together because it was insignificant to me then, however, it does play a role in supporting this piece.–