Matrimonial website allows parents to find suitors for their children

Samina Khan is the quintessential traditional Pakistani mother: she stays at home, cooks, cleans and dotes on her two sons, Khalid and Hassan, and her daughter Zoha. A Muslim, she moved to the United States after having an arranged marriage to the son of a Brooklyn deli owner at the age of 22. And she is hoping her daughter follows in her same footsteps, marrying someone approved by her parents.

In order to do so, she uses the website Shaadi.com,  a South Asian matrimonial and dating website that boasts 20 million users since its inception in 1996. The website, created by People Group, is a way for traditional South Asians to continue the practice of “biodata” sharing and arranged marriages on the web. With over two million marriages created through the website, Shaadi.com is almost a stomping ground for persistent mothers.

Marriage in South Asia is cultural phenomena that might be unfamiliar to some Westerners and  is very different than what most Americans might perceive as healthy marriage. Usually love should precede marriage, but with South Asians families, love is a trivial thing that should come after marriage and is not as important as respect. Marriage is more the union of two families than  the union of two individuals.

Back in the motherland, and even practiced in the United States, many families share biodata, which is basically swapping resumes for marriage. It includes any information a corporation might want to know before they hire someone, as well as information a modeling agency might want, like height, weight, and complexion (fair, dark, etc.). Families go through these resumes with or without their children, and set up dates and family gatherings where chemistries are tested to see if the bride and groom get along.

This practice, like anything else in this age, is now available on the Internet where users can create biodatas and share them with others worldwide. And it gives mothers and families the same autonomy to shamelessly play secret matchmaker for their unaware children.

The only different between shaadi.com and dating websites like Like Match.com or Okaycupid.com, the profile does not necessarily have to be made by the profile holder. Nearly 30 percent of profile are created by outside parties such as mothers, relatives, siblings, and friends, and this practice is completely allowed. Some individuals may not even know that their parents are setting them up for marriage.

An example of a mother posting on her behalf looks like this: “I am putting up this profile on behalf of my son. My son enjoys filmmaking and bikes/cars. He did his bachelor’s and is working as marketing with my own business. His mother is a businesswomen, father is a businessman. His friends call him as caring, funny, happy, hard working, intelligent and outgoing. We look forward to having a new addition to our family,” said one profile created by the mother.

Samina Khan did that same thing for her daughter Zoha. “She posts on my behalf, but only when I give her permission,” said a bemused Zoha. “Sometimes I do it to humor her, sometimes not. For the most part I think a lot of the guys on there are looking for American or U.K.-born girls to get green cards,” she continued.

According to Mihir Bijur, the assistant general manager of Social Media and Corporate Communications at People Group, the 70 percent of users are from India, while 30 percent are non-resident Indians (NRI). Around 65 percent are males, 35 percent females between the ages of 21-35.  To figure out if a person is just trying to get a green card is up to the families to determine.

“I want my daughter to find a good husband,” Samina said. “I want her to find someone who I know is good for her, you know, good job, good education, good family, good life so she can be happy. Ultimately that is all I can want.”

“I think my mom’s heart is in the right place, but I don’t think I’m going to let her marry me off to some guy on the Internet,” said Zoha. She believes that anyone can say whatever they want on the Internet and pass it off as true. She wants to find love the right way, which to her means dating, having premarital sex and falling in love over and over until she decides to spend the rest of her years with someone of her choosing. She also is not attracted to South Asians, preferring Irish, Russian and sometimes Puerto Rican men when she does date.

“But don’t tell my mom.”