White Out

$0  To start this off bluntly, there have been many times I have been called “white” personality-wise, though I never have been told that with malice or in mockery. I am in no way white; I’m “Panarican.” Half Panamanian, half Puerto Rican, completely Latina. The closest I come to being ethnically Caucasian is that I may be a wee bit Scottish about three or four generations back. $0$0            I have also been told by my parents that I have a Barbie complex. Still, not in a cruel way. Since I was a child I have loved Barbie. I have wanted to dye my hair blonde since I understood that one could dye one’s hair. I used to want eye lightening contacts but have since grown to like my eye color. The comparison is in some way true. $0$0            I annunciate and attempt to speak with polished grammar. When I read aloud in class I sound like Hilary Duff. I have the liberal views of an Oberlin College Alumna and have been called a bleeding heart. When I have the money I drink Starbucks coffee. One of my favorite shows is “Countdown with Keith Olbermann.” I’m academically obsessive and love Broadway shows. I’ve gone to SoHo and Chelsea more times than I can remember, yet have never gone to Spanish Harlem on my own accord. $0$0            For these reasons and more I have been called white. As I’ve said before I’ve never been called fake or aspiratory in my “whiteness,” many say it as a joke or as an observation. I’ve taken these comments at face value and even thought that they were right. For most of my high school career I’ve seen my personality traits more similar to my Caucasian peers. I am probably going to be judged badly for saying that but it is honest. $0$0            But due to a recent conservation with my mother I began to question my “whiteness.” Why is it that positive and intelligent qualities are attributed to one certain ethnicity? Why are only Caucasian Americans seen as intellectual and well-spoken? Why is it that when people of color attempt to better themselves and learn, they are seen as “being white?” Why aren’t they just intelligent people of their own ethnicity?$0$0            Both my own and other’s belief that I am white show our own misconceptions on ethnicities, the kind of false impressions that often goes unnoticed. They have attributed some negative qualities on Latinos that oppose my characteristics. They have based their opinion on my ethno-personality on stereotypes of my actual culture. $0$0            I have realized that I do not act white. I act like myself. $0