Silent Tears
Dakota, Josh Guitelman and Jordin Kelley, all students at Bronx Science, have lost their lives in the same year of 08-09 and their deaths, without a doubt had a profound impact on all of us: family, students and teachers alike. And what were my reactions? They were of complete silence. Upon hearing the news of Dakota’s death through Facebook, Josh’s over the loudspeaker on a Monday morning and Jordin’s right before my entrance into the AP Biology exam, I could not utter a single word, not even a sound. I couldn’t control my emotions: shocked, depressed, puzzled, mournful, sympathetic, they were all thrown into my face all at once and it hurt. It really did, especially in dealing with Jordin’s death, who I have known since freshman year. Finally, I let it all out. I cried on the day of the memorial for Jordin’s death. We all commemorated his life in the auditorium, where sniffles were heard every once in a while as students tried to hold back their tears. I too refused to unleash my heavy barrel of tears and release my fears, but in the end, I did just that.
At first, I couldn’t accept the fact that the most sincere and genuine of all people, Jordin had passed away and had left us so abruptly without a thought of offering a goodbye or leaving hints of his departure. Why? Why?? WHY??? Why does death occur, especially for someone who is so young and has just started his journey to his goals? Death is humans’ worst villain. They come and go, leaving us with nothing but silent tears, yearning for our loved ones to come back.
I would never forget Jordin’s image with his straw hat, big T shirt and freshman-sized backpack and the way he presented himself by cracking “yo mama” jokes and offering help to others when he saw the opportunity, including with the security guards and janitors at our school. He was often identified under the “uncool” category simply because he did not follow the fashion trends at school and had weird habits of eating peanuts and being the only black kid on the handball team. Nevertheless, I never undermined Jordin and knew he was a great person at heart, but my deepest regret is not letting Jordin know what his presence and friendship really meant to all of us. I never had the chance to thank him for being a friend to Bronx Science. We never acknowledged or cherished his friendship, but only took advantage of his naive yet friendly and kind hearted personality. We all regretted our own naive and ignorant selves to disregard, overlook and miss the opportunity of getting to know one of the nicest people and, with certainty, a good friend.
His departure imprinted a scar on my heart, mind and soul. It was the first time I began questioning the reasons behind human existence. Why does God create humans, make them struggle through life and then destroy them in the end? It all doesnt make sense to me. I have rationalized upon this issue from different angles and even started conjuring obscure thoughts inside my head. But I never got a solid answer, one that will gratify my enigmatic situation and settle my worries and fears once and for all. Soon enough, I found my solution. Two weeks after Jordin’s death, I became enlightened by a quote my friend created and posted in his buddy profile on AIM. And this was what it exactly said: “It is a bless to be living.”
