Robert Torres
Prof. Ding
English 2150
Grief is a universal human experience that emerges differently in every person, leading to a spectrum of different responses and results. This essay will offer a concise comparison of the viewpoints expressed in articles like “Grieving Well: How Grief Has Changed Me for the Better” from The Grief Toolbox and “Is Personal Growth Following Grief Possible?” from Heart In Diamond, along with a personal account of the journey of transformation that followed the passing of my beloved grandfather.
Personal development following a significant loss is not a universal experience; rather, it varies greatly depending on each person’s personal grieving process. While some people may find comfort and meaning in their spiritualism, others may find increased grit or a sharper understanding of how precious life is. These unique responses frequently result in unforeseen human evolutions, whether it is the discovery of hidden skills or the strengthening of bonds among individuals who have experienced loss together.
The sense of loss triggers a complex mix of emotions, such as anger, depression, and bitterness. It’s important to remember that these negative emotions, though inevitable in the early stages of grief, can eventually give way to positive outcomes over time. When my grandfather passed away, my initial reaction was to shell up emotionally and essentially block out the “noise”. However, after I got past the “initial stages of grief”, I began to naturally see my resilience build up over time and make me a stronger individual overall. This resilience was not merely an inherent quality but was cultivated through the external support I received during my grieving process. The understanding and care from my family, friends, and even professionals played a crucial role in helping me cope with my loss and facilitated my personal growth. Grief counselor Paul Parkin emphasizes the power of allowing oneself to not only mourn the loss but also celebrate the life of the departed, which can aid in moving forward (1.2). As someone who has experienced significant loss, I can attest that personal growth can indeed arise from grief.
Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance are the “five stages of grief” according to the SIUE counseling framework (1.6). This model demonstrates how grief is a complicated interaction of feelings rather than an event that happens in an orderly fashion. As I went through these stages, I recognized the complex nature of my emotions. Denial served as a protective shield, shielding me from the shock of my grandfather’s death. Anger surged within me, a forceful emotion that, although unsettling, paved the way for healing. Bargaining followed, a desperate plea for a reality different from the one I was facing. Depression enveloped me, emphasizing the profound sorrow of my loss. Eventually, acceptance emerged, not as a joyous revelation, but as an acknowledgment of a new reality. My personal journey through these stages helped me understand the complexity of grief and the multifaceted emotions it brings.
The Mayo Clinic (1.5) defines “complicated grief” as a long-lasting, significant form of grief that interferes with day-to-day functioning. This kind emphasizes the need for professional attention, particularly if grief’s intensity doesn’t lessen a year after the loss event. It very much resembles the symptoms of major depression. Stating the symptoms of possible emotional negligence and how raising awareness for this emphasizes the significance of early intervention and the effect that it can hold if not given the proper attention. On their website, they state, “Complicated grief can affect you physically, mentally, and socially. Without appropriate treatment, complications may include Suicidal thoughts or behaviors, Anxiety including PTSD, and Significant sleep disturbances” (1.5) among other complications. They are trying to create awareness of how serious this can be.
While there is no denying that sorrow can have detrimental impacts on mental health, some experts argue that, when handled in a healthy way, sadness can promote perseverance as well as individual growth. Theoretically, facing a significant trauma, such as the loss of a loved one, can lead to a “greater appreciation of life, improved personal relationships, increased personal strength, changed priorities, and a richer existential and spiritual life” (1.7) Dr. Richard Tedeschi has been a pioneer in the study of growth after traumatic events. The concept that enormous gain can result from tremendous pain is old even though the term is new. Researchers offer an outline for comprehending the posttraumatic growth process in which personal characteristics, support and communication, and, most importantly, major mental processing are challenged or overlooked by the traumatic events, playing a significant part (1.7). Additionally, it is suggested that posttraumatic development is an ongoing process rather than a fixed result and that it interacts with life wisdom and the formation of the life narrative.
It’s crucial to remember that these changes usually take time to manifest and are often recognized only after one has moved through the initial phases of grief. While for some people personal growth may come from grief, it is important to note that we may all have Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) but not have what is called Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) (1.3), although both stem from an event that caused us severe pain, PTG is the positive psychological change that some individuals experience after a life crisis or traumatic event. Remember to note that this doesn’t numb or intensify grief, but rather PTG arises from the coping mechanisms individuals use to deal with grief, co-existing with the pain and hardship of the loss. As mentioned before, many people may break through and become better people, but what about those who don’t? Many people take a turn for the worst and life’s hardships become too much and force them to be on a lifestyle that has them dependent on drugs, self-inflicted pain, or even a co-dependency of being with somebody just to not be alone.
Dr. Pauline Boss, also who popularized the phrase “ambiguous loss,” offers an additional perspective (1.8). Boss contends that while such losses (such as a family member who goes missing or develops Alzheimer’s) can be very difficult, they can also result in improved coping mechanisms, adaptability, and even creative thinking in handling hard emotional situations. Her research suggests that going through a grieving process, particularly one that is ambiguous, can help people refine their mental and emotional capabilities.
However, nothing is worse than the unexpected loss of a parent or child specifically can cause a spiraling depression that may cost somebody their life. In many families, the death of a parent means increased pressure for the grieving child to take on the responsibilities of the dead parent and isolate them from friends. From my experience, I felt like I had to take on the burden of responsibilities left behind by my grandfather. Leaving me to reinforce the statement “I grew up too soon”, leaving me to feel as if I did not get the chance to enjoy childhood like my peers and others did. On top of that, this grief at such a young age could result in the child’s poor psychosocial well-being, changes in behavior, an increase in stress, and sleep disturbances. (1.4)
While the articles and the personal narrative each argue for the potential of personal growth through grief, they employ different narrative structures, emotional appeals, and modes of establishing credibility. The Grief Toolbox utilizes a direct, expository narrative, while Heart In Diamond and the personal narrative share a more emotive storytelling approach. Each offers valuable perspectives on the transformative power of grief, demonstrating the multifaceted nature of this universal human experience.
The aftermath of a loss can spark significant changes in a person’s character, whether those changes are related to a person’s improved spirituality, resilience, or ability for valuing the present. These developments do not, however, lessen the sorrow of loss, and those who are mourning have to deal with a wide range of complicated emotions. Even as personal growth emerges from grief, it co-exists with pain and distress, which is a testament to the human spirit’s amazing resiliency. The fact that not everyone undergoes posttraumatic development (PTG) must be emphasized. Some people may experience serious consequences after the loss, such as dependency, self-inflicted harm, or sinking into depression.
In conclusion, for some people, like me, the aftermath of a loss can spark significant changes in a person’s character. These developments do not, however, lessen the sorrow of loss, and those who are mourning have to deal with a wide range of complicated emotions. Even as personal growth emerges from grief, it co-exists with pain and distress, which is a testament to the human spirit’s amazing resiliency. The fact that not everyone undergoes posttraumatic development (PTG) must be emphasized. Some people may experience serious consequences after the loss, such as dependency, self-inflicted harm, or sinking into depression. It’s essential to remember that both reactions are valid and that personal growth doesn’t invalidate the pain of loss. In a world where loss is an unavoidable part of life, understanding the potential pathways of personal growth and acknowledging the unique nature of grief can help in nurturing empathy and providing support to those navigating their journeys of loss. The acknowledgment of “the five stages of grief” should be beneficial for those who struggle to express and verbalize emotions, allowing them to identify with one or multiple stages during grief. Now that they have identified the emotion and verbalized how they feel, the likelihood of getting help from others or even giving themselves help through self-awareness increases dramatically. Through this exploration of grief and growth, we can better comprehend the human capacity to transform the pain from grief into strength, resilience, and genuine personal development.
Works Cited
“Grieving Well: How Grief Has Changed Me for the Better.” The Grief Toolbox, www.thegrieftoolbox.com/article/grieving-well-how-grief-has-changed-me-better. Accessed 30 July 2023. (1.1)
“Is Personal Growth Following Grief Possible?” Heart In Diamond, www.heart-in-diamond.com/cremation-diamonds/interviews/is-personal-growth-following-grief-possible.html. Accessed 30 July 2023. (1.2)
“Posttraumatic Growth after Loss.” What’s Your Grief, 2023, https://whatsyourgrief.com/posttraumatic-growth-after-loss/ Accessed 10 August 2023. (1.3)
“Parenting For The Brain.” How Does The Death Of A Parent Affect A Child,
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/death-of-a-parent/ Accessed 10 August 2023. (1.4)
“Complicated Grief.” Mayo Clinic, 13 Dec. 2022, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374#:~:text=Complicated%20grief%20can%20affect%20you,Suicidal%20thoughts%20or%20behaviors. (1.5)
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross – Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, Accessed 14 Aug. 2023. www.siue.edu/counseling/pdf/stages%20of%20grief.pdf (1.6)
“Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence,” Accessed 14 Aug. 2023. www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01. (1.7)
“Ambiguous Loss – Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief.” – Pauline Boss | Harvard University Press,” Accessed 14 Aug. 2023. www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674003811. (1.8)