Final – robert torres eng 2150

Robert Torres

Prof. Ding

English 2150

Grief is a universal human experience that emerges differently in every person, leading to a spectrum of different responses and results. This essay will offer a concise comparison of the viewpoints expressed in articles like “Grieving Well: How Grief Has Changed Me for the Better” from The Grief Toolbox and “Is Personal Growth Following Grief Possible?” from Heart In Diamond, along with a personal account of the journey of transformation that followed the passing of my beloved grandfather.

Personal development following a significant loss is not a universal experience; rather, it varies greatly depending on each person’s personal grieving process. While some people may find comfort and meaning in their spiritualism, others may find increased grit or a sharper understanding of how precious life is. These unique responses frequently result in unforeseen human evolutions, whether it is the discovery of hidden skills or the strengthening of bonds among individuals who have experienced loss together.

The sense of loss triggers a complex mix of emotions, such as anger, depression, and bitterness. It’s important to remember that these negative emotions, though inevitable in the early stages of grief, can eventually give way to positive outcomes over time. When my grandfather passed away, my initial reaction was to shell up emotionally and essentially block out the “noise”. However, after I got past the “initial stages of grief”, I began to naturally see my resilience build up over time and make me a stronger individual overall. This resilience was not merely an inherent quality but was cultivated through the external support I received during my grieving process. The understanding and care from my family, friends, and even professionals played a crucial role in helping me cope with my loss and facilitated my personal growth. Grief counselor Paul Parkin emphasizes the power of allowing oneself to not only mourn the loss but also celebrate the life of the departed, which can aid in moving forward (1.2). As someone who has experienced significant loss, I can attest that personal growth can indeed arise from grief.

Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance are the “five stages of grief” according to the SIUE counseling framework (1.6). This model demonstrates how grief is a complicated interaction of feelings rather than an event that happens in an orderly fashion. As I went through these stages, I recognized the complex nature of my emotions. Denial served as a protective shield, shielding me from the shock of my grandfather’s death. Anger surged within me, a forceful emotion that, although unsettling, paved the way for healing. Bargaining followed, a desperate plea for a reality different from the one I was facing. Depression enveloped me, emphasizing the profound sorrow of my loss. Eventually, acceptance emerged, not as a joyous revelation, but as an acknowledgment of a new reality. My personal journey through these stages helped me understand the complexity of grief and the multifaceted emotions it brings.

The Mayo Clinic (1.5) defines “complicated grief” as a long-lasting, significant form of grief that interferes with day-to-day functioning. This kind emphasizes the need for professional attention, particularly if grief’s intensity doesn’t lessen a year after the loss event. It very much resembles the symptoms of major depression. Stating the symptoms of possible emotional negligence and how raising awareness for this emphasizes the significance of early intervention and the effect that it can hold if not given the proper attention. On their website, they state, “Complicated grief can affect you physically, mentally, and socially. Without appropriate treatment, complications may include Suicidal thoughts or behaviors, Anxiety including PTSD, and Significant sleep disturbances” (1.5) among other complications. They are trying to create awareness of how serious this can be.

While there is no denying that sorrow can have detrimental impacts on mental health, some experts argue that, when handled in a healthy way, sadness can promote perseverance as well as individual growth. Theoretically, facing a significant trauma, such as the loss of a loved one, can lead to a “greater appreciation of life, improved personal relationships, increased personal strength, changed priorities, and a richer existential and spiritual life” (1.7) Dr. Richard Tedeschi has been a pioneer in the study of growth after traumatic events. The concept that enormous gain can result from tremendous pain is old even though the term is new. Researchers offer an outline for comprehending the posttraumatic growth process in which personal characteristics, support and communication, and, most importantly, major mental processing are challenged or overlooked by the traumatic events, playing a significant part (1.7). Additionally, it is suggested that posttraumatic development is an ongoing process rather than a fixed result and that it interacts with life wisdom and the formation of the life narrative.

It’s crucial to remember that these changes usually take time to manifest and are often recognized only after one has moved through the initial phases of grief. While for some people personal growth may come from grief, it is important to note that we may all have Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) but not have what is called Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) (1.3), although both stem from an event that caused us severe pain, PTG is the positive psychological change that some individuals experience after a life crisis or traumatic event. Remember to note that this doesn’t numb or intensify grief, but rather PTG arises from the coping mechanisms individuals use to deal with grief, co-existing with the pain and hardship of the loss. As mentioned before, many people may break through and become better people, but what about those who don’t? Many people take a turn for the worst and life’s hardships become too much and force them to be on a lifestyle that has them dependent on drugs, self-inflicted pain, or even a co-dependency of being with somebody just to not be alone.

Dr. Pauline Boss, also who popularized the phrase “ambiguous loss,” offers an additional perspective (1.8). Boss contends that while such losses (such as a family member who goes missing or develops Alzheimer’s) can be very difficult, they can also result in improved coping mechanisms, adaptability, and even creative thinking in handling hard emotional situations. Her research suggests that going through a grieving process, particularly one that is ambiguous, can help people refine their mental and emotional capabilities.

However, nothing is worse than the unexpected loss of a parent or child specifically can cause a spiraling depression that may cost somebody their life. In many families, the death of a parent means increased pressure for the grieving child to take on the responsibilities of the dead parent and isolate them from friends. From my experience, I felt like I had to take on the burden of responsibilities left behind by my grandfather. Leaving me to reinforce the statement “I grew up too soon”, leaving me to feel as if I did not get the chance to enjoy childhood like my peers and others did. On top of that, this grief at such a young age could result in the child’s poor psychosocial well-being, changes in behavior, an increase in stress, and sleep disturbances. (1.4)

While the articles and the personal narrative each argue for the potential of personal growth through grief, they employ different narrative structures, emotional appeals, and modes of establishing credibility. The Grief Toolbox utilizes a direct, expository narrative, while Heart In Diamond and the personal narrative share a more emotive storytelling approach. Each offers valuable perspectives on the transformative power of grief, demonstrating the multifaceted nature of this universal human experience.

The aftermath of a loss can spark significant changes in a person’s character, whether those changes are related to a person’s improved spirituality, resilience, or ability for valuing the present. These developments do not, however, lessen the sorrow of loss, and those who are mourning have to deal with a wide range of complicated emotions. Even as personal growth emerges from grief, it co-exists with pain and distress, which is a testament to the human spirit’s amazing resiliency. The fact that not everyone undergoes posttraumatic development (PTG) must be emphasized. Some people may experience serious consequences after the loss, such as dependency, self-inflicted harm, or sinking into depression.

In conclusion, for some people, like me, the aftermath of a loss can spark significant changes in a person’s character. These developments do not, however, lessen the sorrow of loss, and those who are mourning have to deal with a wide range of complicated emotions. Even as personal growth emerges from grief, it co-exists with pain and distress, which is a testament to the human spirit’s amazing resiliency. The fact that not everyone undergoes posttraumatic development (PTG) must be emphasized. Some people may experience serious consequences after the loss, such as dependency, self-inflicted harm, or sinking into depression. It’s essential to remember that both reactions are valid and that personal growth doesn’t invalidate the pain of loss. In a world where loss is an unavoidable part of life, understanding the potential pathways of personal growth and acknowledging the unique nature of grief can help in nurturing empathy and providing support to those navigating their journeys of loss. The acknowledgment of “the five stages of grief” should be beneficial for those who struggle to express and verbalize emotions, allowing them to identify with one or multiple stages during grief. Now that they have identified the emotion and verbalized how they feel, the likelihood of getting help from others or even giving themselves help through self-awareness increases dramatically. Through this exploration of grief and growth, we can better comprehend the human capacity to transform the pain from grief into strength, resilience, and genuine personal development.

Works Cited

“Grieving Well: How Grief Has Changed Me for the Better.” The Grief Toolbox, www.thegrieftoolbox.com/article/grieving-well-how-grief-has-changed-me-better. Accessed 30 July 2023. (1.1)

“Is Personal Growth Following Grief Possible?” Heart In Diamond, www.heart-in-diamond.com/cremation-diamonds/interviews/is-personal-growth-following-grief-possible.html. Accessed 30 July 2023. (1.2)

“Posttraumatic Growth after Loss.” What’s Your Grief, 2023, https://whatsyourgrief.com/posttraumatic-growth-after-loss/ Accessed 10 August 2023. (1.3)

“Parenting For The Brain.” How Does The Death Of A Parent Affect A Child,

https://www.parentingforbrain.com/death-of-a-parent/ Accessed 10 August 2023. (1.4)

“Complicated Grief.” Mayo Clinic, 13 Dec. 2022, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374#:~:text=Complicated%20grief%20can%20affect%20you,Suicidal%20thoughts%20or%20behaviors. (1.5)

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross – Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, Accessed 14 Aug. 2023. www.siue.edu/counseling/pdf/stages%20of%20grief.pdf (1.6)

“Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence,” Accessed 14 Aug. 2023. www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01. (1.7)

“Ambiguous Loss – Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief.” – Pauline Boss | Harvard University Press,” Accessed 14 Aug. 2023. www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674003811. (1.8)

Robert Torres

Prof. Ding

English 2150

Like any other 12-year-old boy during the holiday season, the only things occupying my mind were the alluring mystery of what gifts I would receive for Christmas and the eagerness to finally start the much-anticipated Christmas break. Year after year, Christmas was celebrated with excitement and joy, undeniably making it my favorite holiday growing up. It was a day I would remember as a significant turning point in my journey toward self-awareness and emotional development rather than just a date on a calendar. A day where I failed to move past the limits of rationality and embrace the colorful symphony of emotions that form the human experience. At the time, little did I know that December 24, 2014, would etch itself into the canvas of my memory as a day I would never forget.

In the midst of summer’s luster, around mid to late July, my grandfather’s health began to decline. The diagnosis was lung cancer. The disease, once a mere vision in our family’s conversations, quickly became a disconcerting reality. Refusing to give in to the rigors of chemotherapy, my grandfather decided to face his fate head-on, choosing instead the path of natural remedies. Weekly hospital visits and endless medical jargon became the pattern of his life. As his physical strength waned, he eventually became bedridden, a mournful sight for those who loved him so dearly. Despite the heavy shadow that illness cast, my grandfather retained an undying spirit of gratitude and love. This spirit shines most brightly during the holiday season when the family gathered around him, like moths drawn to the luminosity of his resilience.

One memory, in particular, stands as a testament to his enduring grace. On one occasion, my mother and aunt helped him stand up from his bed, supporting his frail body so he could partake in the simple pleasure of drinking coffee in the kitchen. To their surprise, he thanked them warmly, saying, “Ay Mi hija, gracias, no se que yo hice para merecer esto” – “Thank you, my daughter, thank you. What did I do to deserve this?”. It was a bittersweet moment, witnessing a man who had spent decades as a loving and supportive father expressing his gratitude in his weakest state. His strength of character, even in his vulnerability, was profoundly touching. His humble words, carrying the weight of love and humility, still hold weight in my heart.

At the venerable age of 95, my grandfather bid his final farewell. I remember the day so vividly that the scene is practically ingrained into my brain. We stood there, encircling his bed, holding him as he exhaled his last breath. Our hands were linked in a chain of love and sorrow, forming a silent acknowledgment of the reality unfolding before our eyes. Even knowing his time was drawing to an end, nothing could have prepared us for the time of his departure. The room was mixed with warm and cold, an eerie picture painted with grief and love.

The tension was distinct, and the wave of anxiety and sadness washed over us in unison. Humans don’t possess the ability to see what isn’t there and hear something that can’t make a sound, but on that day I could see and feel it all. I could feel and witness the rawness of our collective emotions, the undertone of loss, and the heavy blanket of silence that had descended. In real-time, the scene was heart-wrenching. A wife of 40 years was witnessing the painful reality of “till death do us part.” Two daughters were coming to terms with losing an amazing father who had been a constant presence for three decades. And there was me, a young grandson not yet old enough to watch a PG-13 movie without parental supervision, grappling with the irreplaceable loss of a man whose presence was a cherished constant in my life. The immediate aftermath of his departure was a gloomy period, punctuated with occasional tears and remembrances. The memories we had shared with him were safely tucked away, ready to be told to future generations. His legacy, the stories of his kindness, strength, and love would live on, engraved in the chronicles of our family’s history. He would be remembered as a man of exceptional character, a man of love, and a man of resilience.

Despite the sorrow that filled me that day, I came to acknowledge that it played a pivotal role in shaping me into the person I am today. Becoming a person who struggles at times to feel empathy because I always compare it to being “not as bad” compared to what I went through that day. Leading me to proudly take a deep dive into self-discovery and healing through therapy, allowing myself to untangle my feelings. Even to this day, I can still be very closed off with my emotions, stemming from the sorrow that I kept to myself through all those years.

However, if there were one thing I could alter about that day, it would be my reaction. I wished I had cast aside the self-imposed restrictions of behaving logically, and instead, let my emotions flow freely. I wished I had seized the moment, so to speak, possibly being a lot more spontaneous, and crying out how much I loved him. In retrospect, my grandfather’s death, though undeniably sad, wasn’t all that tragic when I really think about it. Though being a critical moment in my life, it served as a harsh reminder of how short life can be and the importance of expressing our emotions, especially love, openly and fearlessly. As I look back now, I realize that the valuable lesson he imparted continues to resonate within me, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. His passing became a teachable moment about embracing vulnerability, cherishing our loved ones, and not withholding expressions of love, because life, as beautifully unpredictable as it is, doesn’t always grant us second chances.