This is my commentary for Spencer’s first draft:
Good essay Spencer! As a reader, I can pin point the central idea for your essay. I find your central idea interesting because your central idea argues the purposes of walking and how Teju Cole incorporated the theme of “walking” into his writing too. I also noticed that you have a counter-claim and a rebuttal which is nice to see and I learned that I can also incorporate a counter-claim and rebuttal in my essay too. However I feel like the essay seems too bland. You get straight the the point, which is a positive, but you never explain or go in depth. For example, why do you think walking has increased throughout the years? And what brought the main character, Julius, to start his walks? Additionally, there are a few minor grammatical errors but those can be easily fixed. Besides those things mentioned above, I think your essay is a great topic and there can be lots more to write about with the importance of walking and many connections to other readings that we have read prior for class.