The idea surrounding New York City is that this is the hub of the world, and everyone wishes they could come here to make it. To outsiders, it’s an illustrious place of smart, hard-working people and a culturally diverse paradise. It’s believed that there is nothing you can’t accomplish when you’re in New York City. I, however, have different feelings. Living in New York City my entire life, have I been desensitized to the buildings, the chaos, the noise, the sheer magnitude of it all? Why do I find myself so indifferent to the sights and overall experience of being in the world-renowned “New York City”?
Perhaps it’s just the weather and timing getting to me. It’s cold outside, the sun rises late and sets early, and the sky is gray every day. A dull, boring, uniform grey that makes me feel like I’m just following a daily routine everyday just to get my stuff done and go home. When I get on the train to go back to Brooklyn, going between Canal St. and Dekalb Ave., there is a section that lasts about 5 or so minutes where you cross the Manhattan Bridge and you can see Brooklyn on one side, the overwhelming buildings and skyline of Manhattan on the other, all split by a grand river typically illuminated with a gorgeous purple and orange sunset. The first few times I saw this view, I thought of how beautiful and amazing a sight it was, and how incredible it is that I’m here in the heart of it all. I very rarely get to see this landscape now, and when I do, I don’t feel much anymore. At the risk of sounding depressed, it all makes me feel like I hate the city and don’t want to be at Baruch. I’m sure that once it warms up and the sun is still up by the time I get home and I don’t have to wear heavy jackets anymore my attitude will change.
But whenever I think about it, I ponder whether I should transfer, as I’ve always wanted to go away to dorm with some friends at some Division I school with a sports team I can be proud of, like Syracuse. The big thing keeping me at Baruch is my scholarship. Although Baruch is inexpensive as it is, I don’t want to pay for tuition. At another school, I’d be knee deep in student loan debt by the time I finish, just for some worthless degree. And it’s the environment that the city presents to me that makes me think about this kind of stuff so often. I always wonder if I actually like the city; if me, a guy from a tight knit Brooklyn area, am actually supposed to be here.
