“Coming to America was an immense readjustment to me in terms of my religious position. Frankly America, rather New York, was no more different to me than Nigeria. In both cases, we see diversity which made me realize that living in New York City was feasible. One inconsequential alteration was changing from the British “our” and “re” to America’s “or” and “er”. The prevalent change however was going to church on Saturdays for the rest of my life. Becoming a Seventh Day Adventist was a gigantic deal. When I became baptized into the church, I was, in essence, signing away my predilection to be like other Protestant religious sects. To me, being a Seventh Day Adventist meant that I could not eat meat, wear jewelry, have piercings or tattoos on my body, go to secular events on Friday nights or even on Saturdays, and essentially live my life-especially my youth – in soberness. I saw being a Sabbath keeper as a detriment to getting extra school help at Saturday tutorials and future careers that require Saturday shifts.”
I think this paragraph effectively demonstrates the relationship between religion and the authority to choose your own. This paragraph compares the author’s religion to that of an eternal contract, limiting and restricting the freedom and choices that she could have made. I find it interesting how she feels and reacts to the thought of being a Seventh Day Adventist. The overall mood of the paragraph seems that the author is being controlled by religion. I find it ironic because when most people are baptized into a faith, they are being welcomed into this community so it’s considered a happy occasion. However, she doesn’t feel that way and instead highlights the limitations of being a part of this religion.
-Lian Ira Payoen
When the writer mentioned the religious doctrines that she has to follow and how it’s a burden on her where she wouldn’t be able to attend Saturday tutorials to help her with her schoolwork and how she wouldn’t be able to work Saturday shifts, it shows how she has to yield to the authority of her church, the church leaders, and God. The writer transitions well to her main point in this paragraph which is the power/authority religion has on her life. This part is effective in this paragraph because it causes the reader to sympathize with her inability to participate in secular events on Saturdays.
-Damilola Babarinde
This paragraph effectively shows the “power play” between writer’s parents and the writer. I anticipate that the write does not enjoy being a Seventh Day Adventist. The write feels bounded by the codes of behavior as an Adventist. This makes me wonder why did she become an Adventist anyway? It has to be a “power play” when her parents decided for her to become an Adventist and she was just obeying her parents. This paragraph is very effective in revolving the topic of “power play”. The writer could also use a reference from Russell’s Authority and The Individual to support her paragraph. Perhaps an insertion of Russell’s idea of individual and religion would help this paragraph to be more effective.
-Angelina Huang
The specific example used in this paragraph helps to show the relationship between religion and authority. While religion is a faith that we ourselves chose to follow ourselves, there are certain rules and guidelines that must be followed. This is shown by the author explaining the restrictions that was put on her because she decided to become a Seventh Day Adventist. And while joining a religion is one’s own decision, it seems as if the author does not actually like this decision. She is seeing it as if certain parts of her freedom is being taken away and it is somewhat a burden.
Angeline, Damilola, Lian,
Yes you all comment on the topic of the paragraph, which is actually a very nice topic, but is more of a thesis than a body paragraph topic, or topic sentence. Remember, the body paragraph is one small aspect of the thesis, so perhaps one paragraph would be about an example in her new church, which was at great odds with her previous experience with religion (and perhaps the example of not eating meat, yes, a very small example). Choosing small paragraph topics with help writers to get much greater depth in their work, and render their arguments much more convincing.
You all comment on the topic, but you were asked to comment on a very specific aspect of the paragraph, not comment in a general way.
Grade for group’s comments: 8/10