Thesis: The depiction of celebrities by social media controls and influences people perception of them.
Celebrities make money relating on the media and the people. When a negative rumor or scandal comes to light the celebrity can lose their supporters as well as the sponsorships they receive. From a personal account, I was a fan of kpop group Exo since they debut in 2012. Their management promoted them as a united group that all 12 members were brothers. They were given positive review and they were given a show to display each of the members’ personalities. In 2013 Exo sold a million of their album, something that hadn’t been done in 12 years in the kpop industry. Thousands of headlines were released by the media announcing the accomplishments. Exo became a top group in the kpop industry with the largest kpop fan base. However, soon after members starting the group and suing their management, SM Entertainment. This issue brought a division on their fan base, some blaming the ex-members, and some blaming the management. The media had played a role in influencing the fans’ opinion of the issue. Some media released news labelling the ex-members as traitors and that they were greedy for their own success. Other media targeted SM Entertainment, questioning about their poor management of their celebrities and their “slave” contract. A group that was viewed by fans as brothers has suddenly become a group that was at the stage of break up. The media is able to influence people’s opinions because people lack the insight of the situation. In my personal account, I was angry when a member left the group Exo because I viewed it as a traitorous and selfish act. I have to admit that the media had impact in my opinion because the media would publish statements made by the management company called the ex-members traitors or publish news articles on netizens’ comments. The media’s control of the public opinion is what they choose to write about and what they choose to make public. That control is can be tremendous power in the hand of the media because they control not only the public opinion but also the actions of the celebrities.
Wenne’s comment:
Since the thesis is on media, the topic is too broad which made the body paragraph too general. The body paragraph did a good job in pointing out the involvement of the media and it included a personal experience. However, I felt the body paragraph was stating more facts about the media like telling a story rather than analyzing the relationship of media and its power play on celebrities. I think the thesis need to be broken and narrow down to a more specific topic. Including the personal experience in the paragraph because it’s easier to relate and it provides evidence. One thing that can be fixed is the way the paragraph is written because it’s more informative than analytical.
Lawrence’s comment:
The paragraph still needs some polishing because it’s from a draft. It’s effective enough to get the message across that the media has influence on our opinion and how we perceive information in general. The personal experience example worked really well with the paragraph by combining how you felt and the factual information of the situation at hand. The paragraph would be even more effective if it actually analyzed why the media felt the need to take sides on the issue or why people have reacted in this way.
Sofiya’s comment:
I believe the paragraph does an excellent job of providing solid evidence to support what is on its way to becoming a good body paragraph. The evidence provided backs up the topic sentence which is about celebrities making money or losing money through the interference of the media. It follows the structure of the body paragraphs we went over in class. The author also provides a narrow example. However as a fan of the band EXO, she could probably dig deeper and provide body paragraphs about specific instances the band lost fans and money because of media coverage. With some more editing, this could be very well written essay.
This paragraph is very organized and uses its different parts in an effective manner. Everything from the assertion to the analysis makes sense and fits together. However, it reads a bit like a summary and lacks a deeper level of analysis. Something that the writer could do to fix this is to add a direct quote from one of the media sources that they mention in the paragraph. By adding a direct quote, the writer would have the opportunity to analyze how that quote specifically could influence people’s perception. The writer could also speak a bit more about how the shift from portraying the band as a group of brothers to then portraying those who left as traitors controlled people’s perception from the beginning to the end. This would allow them to analyze how the media can create a celebrity’s persona only to later tear them down.
Elviris Rodriguez
This paragraph is very effective in explaining how the role of the media dictates the celebrities, and the fans of the celebrities. What is especially effective is how the writer mentions a personal experience, to provide more support for her thesis. She talks about a music group she liked, and how, after the group sued its management, the media controlled what information/what it sides with, and thus influences the fans. However, I believe that the paragraph can be more effective if there could be more analysis to her personal situation. She should talk about how the media viewed the group before the lawsuit and after the lawsuit, and also the same with the fans, how they viewed the group before and after, and maybe she can talk about specific media outlets that portrayed them negatively or positively.
Wenne, Lawrence, Sofiya,
You all seem to address the topic, which, of course is important, and I think that you all seem to agree that it needs to be narrowed to be an effective paragraph topic. The one large example, the suing, seems to be the one the author should focus on in this paragraph. When the author says, “A group that was viewed by fans . . .” the author is getting into another topic (or two). Remember, a paragraph should present and develop one specific topic, and develop other topics in other paragraphs. This forces the writer to choose, very carefully each topic.
As for the groups comments, you all do a nice job discussing this problem, but you were asked to look at three separate aspects of the paragraph.
Grade for group’s comments: 8/10