Journal #1: Where have you been and where are you going?

My story, just like everyone else’s, is a complicated one.  I am 18, living with both my parents and my younger sister. I was born and raised in a very traditional Chinese family.  Schoolwork came first.  I had to get the grades in order to have a steady future. I learned to believe in the Holy Trinity: growing up to either be a doctor, lawyer or investment banker, the three most lucrative, sought after jobs in the market. Anything else meant that you had no future or success. To guarantee we did well in school, I had to go to prep school on the weekends in addition to public school. Both gave a ton of homework and I was just in elementary school. After schoolwork, came musical talent. From violin to flute to the piano, Chinese parents expect their children to do well in school and master a musical instrument. My parents decided to choose the piano for me. I started at the age of four and still play to this day.  After musical instrument came artistic talent. Throughout elementary school my weeks were filled. School six days a week, then piano on Saturdays and art classes on Sundays.  There was no time for rest or fun and games. However once I started middle school, my parents decided to give me a bit more freedom. It was not because they felt bad for me, it was becaues maintaining a reputation was key. My friends from middle school were not all asian anymore. They were mainly caucasian and my parents did not want to be the known as the parents that were overbearing and crazy. They also had my younger sister to take care of.  I was finally free to go out and hang out with my friends and do as I please. I wasn’t constantly being watched over anymore. Now that I look back on it, I do not regret the decisions my parents made for me. Because of them, I am the hardworking, driven, and independent person I am today. Even though my parents were strict as I gre older, I have always kept their teachings close to me.  When they were not there to push me, I pushed myself to be better.  I have become a lot more independent because of them.  Also, just like them I believe reputation is key. If a person cannot present him or herself properly, then it is a dealbreaker. This belief makes me always want to striv to be better than what I already am.  It also makes me more of a cautious person.

I’m finally in college now.  One month in. To be honest, Baruch was not my first choice. When I decided to attend, I had no idea what to expect.  I thought it would make me unhappy and I’m not sure why I thought that. I was scared. I remember telling my parents the day before classes that I was terrified for my life. I wanted a learning environment where people were motivated to learn, to question the professor, to be able to feel comfortable sharing their stories and experiences with everyone.  Now that I look back on my first month of college, the Baruch Honors program definitely gave me the environment I wanted. Sure, there is no campus or dorms that are nearby, but in return I get to keep enjoying the city that I love.  I have found friends that make me break away from my comfort zone and make me be the best person I can possibly be. I do not regret choosing to come here.  In my first semester I hope to do well in my classes and just to enjoy learning while having fun. This is all a new experience to me and I will take it day by day because the goods in life do not come easy.

October 1, 2010