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Draft

“The Red Suitcase” draft 1

Every time I have a call with my grandma, she tells this story over and over again that I was able to fill in every detail after times and times of calls. Sometimes she asked me questions like: “Did you recognize that woman as me?” or anxious about what would happen if I did disappear over the corner. I am over eighteen now, but she reminds me repeatedly not to go with strangers as if she worries the kidnap will ever happen again. I barely remember the scene; it was after she told me the story that I began to have this memory with pictures in my mind.

We are on a family trip to Hong Kong Disneyland, holding my grandma’s hand in the squishy airport, walking with a huge group of people, not only my relatives but their friends as well. As always, I am holding my red suitcase when my mom asks me to greet people, with faces, I recognized or never seen before. I am only 4-5-6 years old, kindergarten age, so I greet them all using uncles and aunts. I mean… don’t hope a little kid understands the complex “relative title” that exists in the Chinese culture, not even mentioning how to properly address them. On the other side, they do not care about me either, they are all excited about the trip that is coming. 

I guess I am just going to stay with my grandma in the back of the group. 

It is an enormous airport, with massive passengers rushing through. The announcement is loudly reporting the closing of gates but there are people still not aboard yet. Everything seems so BIG to the LITTLE me. We have walked for a long time, at least I was a bit bored, so I reached into my pocket for some cookies that I brought before leaving home this morning. On my right hand it is my favorite red suitcase, and on the left, it is some strawberry cookies. One person rushed through beside me, then two, and three. Probably the ones that the announcement calls for. I’m laughing with cookies in my mouth and ask my grandma if they are going to make it there before the airplane takes off. 

She did not answer me. 

As I realized that the hand, I was holding was not my grandma’s, I looked at that woman’s face for a long time, trying to see if I could match it with anyone I had greeted before. I CANNOT. IT IS A COMPLETE STRANGER. Our hands hold. She holds my hand tightly. We walked fast, fast down the airport, fast enough that no one realized I was gone. Immediately, I cried out asking to use the bathroom saying that I was about to pee my pants. They did not allow me obviously, but the crying attracted other passengers and some of my relatives. They chat about why that kid is crying, and at the same time, my grandma starts to realize that I am missing. She and my mom tracked down the path and saw me crying with three strangers still holding tightly to my red suitcase. I wonder if it’s the fact that they recognized me or the red suitcase that they saw. Yes, that simply, I was kidnapped. Nothing as dramatic as a television show or movie might demonstrate happened, it was just a “mid-hold” of hands. They run straight to me, and I am still crying about going to the bathroom; I was completely overwhelmed and numbed when they reached me, seems like peeing my pants was really going to happen. 

My mom and my grandma just let the lady slip away with her group, they turned to the corner that they intended to bring me to and disappeared into the crowd. 

I have told this story over and over to my friends as a funny moment of my life, but I know how serious it would be if I was kidnapped that day. It will be more than fingers chopped off as Grandma used this saying to scare me. I know she worries, and she regrets, she thinks it was all her fault that she let go of my hand that day. She regrets that she should have run to me the first sight when she saw me with that stranger instead of double confirming with my mom. I am over eighteen now, but she reminds me repeatedly not to go with strangers as if she worries the kidnap will happen again.

Back in kindergarten, the school had implemented “how to avoid kidnap” in the curriculum, we even had a kidnap drill planned by instructors and parents during school hours. I never ever failed to keep myself safe in these drills, which seems funny to me now because the only time I failed was in a real scene: that airport day I did go with that woman. Even though practicing your kids how to act for the potential risks of being kidnapped is important, true kidnaps come in different forms that you could never be fully prepared for. Instead of relying on little kids, believe that they are going to use the skills they learned at home and school to escape from some adult kidnappers, just keep high attention on your kids as kidnapping can happen anywhere at any time. I am still alive with my two arms and legs, but still, it was out of luck that the kidnap failed. They could have made me faint or dragged me away when I was crying, telling passengers that I was just being naughty. If my grandma did not realize that I was missing, or the kidnappers walked fast enough and brought me past that corner. I would probably be gone now. 

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Assignment Response

Writing Hormesis and Writing Mimesis

Writing Hormesis and Writing Mimesis

Hormesis: After exercising and taking a shower, my thoughts would be fuller and smoother. Funnily, I give a speech about what I am going to write during the shower, it provides me a better sense of what might be missing from the story and the tone I want to set it as. Particularly, it will be more emotional with the hormesis technique because most of the ideas that happen in the shower happen to be personal and secrets even. Most of the time shower will be the last thing I do before I go to bed, so it’s a time for me to reflect on my day as well, more details are reflected on when I’m writing with this technique for sure.

Mimesis: I often use this technique unintentionally, especially if I am reading an interesting book. I would consider this and “Hypoxic Writing” the best way that suits me as I always had a hard time starting to write. I copy the format of “The Fifth Story” for this practice and every time I rewrite the beginning of my story, it becomes more and more detailed. From previous experience, it would also be helpful to “imitate” a story’s writing style that has the same tone that I wish to set my story as.

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critics

Workshop w. Danny

Hi Danny,

Thank you for sharing your story.

My main feedback for revision revolves around the beginning of the piece.

  • It might not be a bad idea if the first paragraph got shortened a bit. I understand it’s being related in the very end but it’s not so relevant to the main storyline though.
  • “During the pandemic, I opened a sealed box of Pokémon…” might be a bit too “bored”, and a too direct drive into you starting a business, adding a bit more details before it, to introduce it will be great. Possibly you could mention the reason why you ended up collecting Pokémon cards previously since you used the turn “brought back childhood memories” and “getting back into the Pokémon world.” You could even relate it to your first paragraph about academic stress, how school might be taking up most of your time, etc.….
  • Back to adding more details before “During the pandemic, I opened a sealed box of Pokémon…”, it could even be where you got the card, what’s that specific reason/moment/timing that makes you go get the card or was it some gift from others. Just that reader could have a better connection about your business developing journey.

Some other feedback

  • I like the title of this writing, “Thinking Outside the Box”, how collecting Pokémon cards could be a business as well which most people don’t think of, especially from the POV of the parent. Therefore, the part where your parents’ worries changed into trust and support is a great transformation.
  • Overall, the story is very interesting, and I am glad that you’re generating money from it, but a bit more details on how a transaction was done, or some fun stories between you and your customer, or specific struggles that you faced during the journey might help pull distance between you and the reader.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions relating to the above.

Regards,

Yu Han Wang

Categories
Essay

Kidnapping Abstract

The fact that I almost got kidnapped in the airport is a teachable moment that I want to share. I hope my readers will understand that kidnap could happen to anyone anywhere. Particularly, family members need to keep high awareness of their kids in a public space. 

As I started to realize that the hand, I was holding wasn’t anyone I recognized, I cried out asking to use the bathroom saying that I’d pee my pants. They didn’t allow me, and I started to understand they were kidnappers. The crying attracted other passengers and my family members, finally, started to realize I was missing. They tracked down the path and saw me with three strangers. Yes, that simply, I was kidnapped. Nothing as dramatic as a television show or movie might demonstrate happened, it was just a “mis-hold” of hands. 

My experience tells the importance of teaching kids how to recognize potential warning signs and the importance of trusting instincts. Additionally, it is always useful to practice “what to do in a potential kidnapping situation” ahead of time. My escape was purely out of instinct, if I didn’t hesitate at that moment, I would probably be gone now. 

Categories
critics

Workshop w. Frank

Hi Frank, 

Thank you for sharing your story. 

My main feedback for revision revolves around the structure of the pieces. 

  • Begin with introducing what anxiety and paranoia are and when you started to have this feeling/condition is a great start for the reader to know a bit about the piece’s focus. However, I found the story of NYU’s shooting very related, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea if this writing started with that section. It could possibly begin with “In early November, 20xx, I was at……. I have never felt as relieved and grateful for listening to my gut feeling before.” Another reason why I suggest this is how you begin to talk about how anxiety and paranoia help you avoid potentially dangerous situations and pick up social cues, you could relate to the shooting incident at the end of the writing where you began to appreciate anxiety and paranoia. Additionally, it would be a great idea if you exaggerate a bit on how you found out the shooting happened, and maybe talk about how it expands on social media/news articles that were all pushing this incident….
  • By the way, I love all the examples you’ve given riding the roller coaster, going hiking, driving, and buying bags that have zippers. These examples are easy to relate and the order it was in is great, from what most people might be anxious about, roller coaster falls apart, to issues that people might not care about, not everyone worries if bags have a zipper. 

One minor suggestion:

  • Creating a stronger relationship between your mom poked fun at you for your fear and how your mom left the TV on CBS News typically. I mean, the purpose is not to blame anyone but just a small conflict there. 

I really like the story and feel free to contact me if you have any questions relating to the above. 

Regards, 

Yu Han wang

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Uncategorized

Personal Writing Statement