Jackpot!

It’s really amazing how lucky we all are. I think about it every day, specifically why I don’t deserve all the good fortune I have. As of right now, I think I’m the definition of wasted potential. I got into this Honors Program at a very prestigious and wonderful business college…and I’m not so sure that I want to go into business.  In fact, I’m pretty certain that I DON’T want to. What a jerk, right? I could have just as easily gone to another school and given someone the opportunity that I have here. Opportunity is the key word here, as I’ve been given so many opportunities throughout my life and I can’t help but think that I’m either wasting it or I don’t deserve it. I guess one of the main things that I can do here as a Baruch Scholar is to succeed and really try to not put anyone’s time, money, or effort to waste. I don’t want people to think of me as a drain, I want people to think that I helped out, that I was part of the solution and not the problem. It’s almost as though guilt is the main driving force that pushes my focus on community service. In my high school, completing 200 hours of community service before graduation was a requirement. I did 250, because I’d feel bad just ditching after I’d done only what I needed to do for myself. I suppose this isn’t the most complex or deep reason for me to be so invested, but I just can’t help it. I hear my friends from other colleges talk about having really serious problems with things like paying for tuition, student loans, crappy schedules, being lonely, things of that nature, and I just feel as though I am so blessed to be here. I don’t have any of those problems! I pay nothing and I have met a group of rad people that I can relate to and converse with whenever I want! Macbooks? Early registration for classes? What the hell did I do to deserve this? It’s all about humility and self-awareness. I mean, don’t get me wrong, when I’m in the lecture hall for business, spacing out at 9 in the morning on a Monday after a night of work, I’ll whine. I’ll complain. I’ll bitch about things like that. I slip up, I’m only human. The main thing, for me at least, is to never lose sight of the fact that every single thing has worked out okay up until this point and that you are here, you have potential to do great things, and it might not last forever. I won’t always be young, I won’t always be (relatively) healthy, I won’t always have the energy or the willpower or the motivation or even the sanity to get out of bed in the morning, so I’m gonna make this count.