Falling In and Out of Love with myself
Life is a journey that everyone embarks on without a choice
Life is an intricate labyrinth that we’re thrown into without a guide
Life is just a never ending abyss that every human has to free fall into
Life will deliver flowers to your doorstep and punch you in the gut simultaneously
Life is our own quest into the unknown, it is our own fairytale waiting to be written
Life is a concept, full of self-love but also crippling with hate
Life spurs out from within and crashes with anything in it’s path
In this journey called “Life”, I learned to love and unlove myself countless times.
Self-Love, a concept now used to describe a way to live
Self-love intertwines itself with my trauma, and my trauma ends with self-love
Self-love during your teenage years is almost nonexistent, an empty alley that leads towards nothing
Self-Love ended before it started, friends, school, family, and self doubt were the perfect recipe for disaster
Self-love started out with new experiences, new things to learn about myself
Self-love catapulted me into my own journey with deception
Deception of self-love was the main character in this journey
Deception of finding something new that you loved about yourself but it was actually hate
Deception that led to the acceptance of a never ending cycle of secretly despising yourself
Deception that the bad thing were actually good and that the fake love was actually real
Deception that the little things that make you unique were actually the ones who made you a monster
Deception that your likings were going to be your downfall, and your strengths were going to be you weakness
Deception that acceptance from others was going to be your success, and that acceptance from yourself would propel you backwards
Deception lead to chain of realizations that later became a chain of inspirations to be better for you and only you
Deception that the road was going to be smooth but it was rough in an unexplainable way
Realization, one of the many hardships that I faced in the journey of finding myself
Real a that the people who meant well were your worst enemies
Realization that your own blood will lead you down a path of darkness with no return
Realization that the things that you lost that made you unique were never going to be within your reach again
Realization that no one will never show up for you, if you don’t show up for yourself first
Realization that every event will shift your axis in a different direction each time
Realization that all it takes to stop yourself from drowning in void is a bit of determination to stop the hate and start the love
Determination is never easily found, it is buried deep within yourself and guarded by your own doubts
Determination will try to escape from within you but will always be pushed down by your own distrust
Determination burns through your veins but it is slowing dying, fire that wishes to explode but doesn’t have enough wood
Determination that one day decides that it had enough of being trapped, and pours out of every pore in your body
Determination that has finally escaped and now has a new light shining in your eyes
Determination that is grasping everything that you once loved and bringing it back to you
Determination that shows you that you are worth trying for, and that will keep you hoping for more
Determination that guide you towards your goals, and forgets about anyone outside of your mind
Determination that makes you brave, and locks anything negative out of your head
Determination that was once strong but without reason it is starting to disappear and turns into emptiness
Emptiness that is not always empty but vacant from time to time
Emptiness that is dying to be filled but has no clue of what to be filled with
Emptiness that hops from one part of your brain to another looking for an answer, an answer to it’s becoming
Emptiness that feast on your heart, stripping it from it’s goodness and leaving it full of darkness
Emptiness that eats at your conscience, then proceeds to devour your body
Emptiness that starts a cycle of self-hatred that ends in devastation of one’s self
Emptiness that had almost taken over me, but was stopped by realization that there was more to give
Emptiness that was deceived by tiredness and was successful ruled out by a new found self-love
Emptiness that was determined to stay but was stopped by life
Life once again makes its appearance bringing a new dictatorship by its side
Life has come again to make a statement, to show the ways that you can and can’t beat it
Life has now shown itself to put you to the test…
To be continued