27 thoughts on “Chang-Rae Lee, “Coming Home Again””

1. 2.) A line from the story that was effective was, “I wasn’t cooking for my mother but for the rest of us.” This line is moving because it goes to demonstrate how he just doesn’t cook because her mother wanted him to cook but he also cooked for the rest of the family. He cooks for the rest of the family as a means of gaining respect from the family, especially since his mother cooked for the whole family for years before the same task was assigned to Chang. He knows that he has to cook for the whole family because his mother is dying of stomach cancer and thus cannot eat or cooked like she used to.
   3.) The role that cooking and food plays in the life of the mother is that it is her favorite thing to do. Since Chang’s mother has always loved to cook, he took an interest into his mother’s cooking since his childhood. Now that his mother cannot cook due to her illness, Chang is inspired by the hard work his mother put into cooking and decides to cook since that inspired him since he was young.

2. 1.During the author’s mother’s illness, cooking was his way of bringing his family with the food that he cherished and learned from his mother even though his mother didn’t really eat due to her illness. As stated in the passage “I wasn’t cooking for my mother but for the rest of us. When she first moved downstairs she was still eating, though scantily, more just to taste what we were having than from any genuine desire for food. The point was simply to sit together at the kitchen table and array ourselves like a family again”. thus, although his mother is ill, he talks about how special having the family together is for his mom, so in a way this is the authors way of honoring his mom wishes and honoring what she has taught him.
   5. Throughout the essay we learn that his mother wants only the best for her son. A stated in the passage,” My going to such a place was part of my mother’s not so secret plan to change my character, which she worried was becoming too much like hers. I was clever and able enough, but without outside pressure I was readily given to sloth and vanity”. Thus, the author explains that his mother provided him with the opportunity of attending one of the best boarding schools to build character and provide her son with opportunities she never had in her life.

   1. What meaning does cooking take on for the author during his mother’s illness?
      The meaning of cooking for the author changes as his mother gets ill because it becomes more personal and vital. The author explained how when he was younger. He used to “watch my mother as she prepared our favorite meals. It was one of my daily pleasures”. Hence, cooking is significant because before his mother got ill, he explained how she would cook all the time and when she did, he would be there beside her trying to learn. However, she has changed due to the illness. She can’t walk, cook, or eat solid food. Therefore, he sees cooking as the only memory he has of her where she wasn’t miserable like she is now. He can also feel more connected to her since he retains the culture his mother taught him. In addition, cooking can also be seen as a way to cope because he explains, “I wasn’t cooking for my mother but for the rest of us.” In other words, he sees cooking as a way to bring happiness in the darkest of times. No matter the occasion, food can make all the difference because people can enjoy the meal and it brings everyone together.
      5. What important things do we and/or the narrator learn about his mother through this essay?
      A mother always wants what is best for their kid. The narrator’s mother isn’t any different because he cares and loves his son, so she would give him everything she can. This is shown in this section of the article “My going to such a place was part of my mother’s not so secret plan to change my character, which she worried was becoming too much like hers. I was clever and able enough, but without outside pressure I was readily given to sloth and vanity”. In other words, he wouldn’t have been in the place he is now if it wasn’t for his mother pushing him to strive for the best of his abilities. In addition, his mother wanted him to be better than her since she knew she wasn’t perfect. She showed this by making sure he had the opportunities he needed to develop good character.

   2. It’s interesting to me that the mother wants to change her son’s character because she sees too much of herself in him.

3. 3) As a mother, she wanted everything to be perfect for her family and this had had an impact on her caring about the thoughts of others. Her role as a mother and being the one who does almost everything in her home carried a heavyweight on her shoulders. Food has contributed in a meaningful way with how she felt it was always necessary to have food present and how she wanted to be someone her child would look up to. In the text, It mentions, “Once while inspecting a potato- fritter batter I was making, she asked me if she had ever done anything that I wished she hadn’t done.” As a mother, she felt she needed a sense of reassurance at this moment from her son to know she tried her best to raise him right. She wanted to hear from him if there was anything she could have done different.
   1) The meaning that cooking has on the author is very personal during his mother’s illness. He feels that this is the way he connected to his mother most, from cooking. She had taught him everything he knows, and now in this tough time, he feels that the connection is stronger when he makes these dishes that remind him of this mother. He feels sympathetic that he cannot do anything to help his mother. He feels that hopefully, he could show her that she had done the best she did raising him, by showing her wha† he knows. The text says, ” Sometimes I still think about what she said, about having made a mistake. I would have left home for college, that was never in doubt, but those eas I was away at boarding school grew more precious to her illness progressed.” He feels a bit at fault with how his mother’s illness progressed because he had left her and at this time, when she needed him most.

   1. It seems that there are regrets on both sides. That’s part of what makes this essay so moving. Both he and his mother look back at their shared past and focus on things that they could have done differently.

4. 1) In the text, “Coming Home Again”, it states ” I wasn’t cooking for my mother but for the rest of us…The point was simply to sit together at the kitchen table and array ourselves like a family again”. This quote means that the author would cook to bring his family together by the use of food. Even though, the authors mother was sick that was not an obstacle. During the illness of the authors mother we can see that he tried to bring the wonderful past memories that he had during his childhood which were his mothers sweet kitchen taste. The author used food to express in a way how valuable the mother was. Through this expression we can infer that the author learned so much and wanted to show that the mothers kitchen food brought the symbol of “unity” to the family at the table.
   3)In the text, “Coming Home Again”, it states “I was usually in the kitchen, preparing lunch or dinner, poised over the butcher block with her favorite chef’s knife in my hand…old yellow apron slung…”. This suggests that the mother most of all had respect and love towards the cooking. The mother had all her significant tools with her while cooking which this shows that she used food to express it in her own way. The cooking inspired her to be who she was including the type of mother she was. Cooking made her feel freely able to show that special connection that she had with her family.

   1. This is all true, but isn’t there also a deep sadness to this essay? To me that seems even more powerful than its sweet aspects.

5. 1.What meaning does cooking take on for the author during his mother’s illness?
   I think that the meaning of the cooking means for the author is a way for him to feel connected again to his mother. The mom isn’t able to do things like cook and that is the way they used to bond when the author was a child. He states, “When I was six or seven years old, I used to watch my mother as she prepared our favorite meals. It was one of my daily pleasures.” This is important because the cooking of his mother is something that he enjoyed and it was something that stuck to him until now and he actually has taken the role of his mother by doing the cooking. Even while she’s sick it’s still a way for them to talk and break through to each other their thoughts “Once, while inspecting a potato-fritter batter I was making, she asked me if she had ever done anything that I wished she hadn’t done.” This shows that through food they are able to talk with one another and express their true feelings in a way that normal talk couldn’t it’s like food breaks the ice between them. It’s their common ground.
   5. What important things do we and/or the narrator learn about his mother through this
   essay?
   One important thing that we learn in the essay is that his mother often glorified her husband’s achievements than her own, “she considered her own history to be immaterial, and if she never patently diminished herself…She zealously recounted his excellence.” This is important because it conveys the mother’s insecurities within herself and believing that her achievements are less than her husband’s. Her insecurity withing her family is also revealed when she admits that she regrets letting her son go to the boarding school because of the change that it brought in their relationships. The mother states, “I made a big mistake. You should be with us for that time. I should never let you go there.” This portrays how the mom wants to change her actions and decisions knowing her fate revealing that deep down she might feel insecure with the relationships she has with her children and her family.

   1. I agree with you that there is something about the busy-ness of cooking or the distraction that allows for conversations that they might not be able to have otherwise. I think in families it is sometimes difficult to talk about the things that are most painful or meaningful, especially if that’s not your family’s usual practice. We get the sense that these conversations are definitely out of the ordinary.

6. #1. What meaning does cooking take on for the author during his mother’s illness?
   During the author’s mother’s illness, cooking takes on an important role during this time. After reading the essay, I can tell that the only thing that really brings the family together is food. One example from the essay that proves this point is “I wasn’t cooking for my mother but for the rest of us. When she first moved downstairs she was still eating, though scantily, more just to taste what we were having than from any genuine desire for food. The point was simply to sit together at the kitchen table and array ourselves like a family again.” In this example, it is clearly shown that with his mother already being ill, the only way to really get the family together was at the dinner table. It was a way for the author to bond with the mother after being away at boarding school and not having a strong relationship with her. It also mentions in the essay that while the mother was sick and not able to eat together, she still tried her best to.

   #3. What role do food and cooking play in the life of the mother?
   Throughout the essay, the author mentions multiple times of his mom’s cooking and her food. By this we can see that food and cooking is a way the mother connects with the family as well as showing her love to them. The essay describes how cooking is important to the mother’s life by being very descriptive about a meal, Kalbi. The way that it was being described was like the mother being very gentle and careful while cooking each dish, making sure she did each step correctly. For example, “Then she methodically butterflied the flesh, cutting and unfolding, repeating the action until the meat lay out on her board, glistening and ready for seasoning.” His mother always loved cooking and always prepared something for Lee when he was coming home from boarding school, another example showing how it was to bring the family together.

   1. I wonder how cooking and eating function symbolically here. Chang-rae Lee isn’t just cooking so that his family has food to eat during his mother’s illness, he is also trying to connect to his mother and to their shared past and maybe to remind himself what it means to be part of a family. What else might it mean here?

7. 1.What meaning does cooking take on for the author during his mother’s illness?
   Cooking takes on a role of familiarity for the author and his family during his mother’s illness. It reminds him of the times when her illness was not so overwhelming. For instance, there is a distinct line when the author mentions how he isn’t cooking for his mother, but for the rest of his family. The fact that his mother couldn’t eat much because of her stomach cancer meant that the cooking wasn’t really for her. It served as a reminder of the days she spent preparing food for her family and how it influenced all of them. It is as if he was doing the cooking for her that she couldn’t do anymore. A sense of familiarity of how it used to be, but also the cooking allowed for his mother to live vicariously through him in some way.
   2. Choose a line in the essay that you find particularly moving or illuminating. What makes it so effective?
   A line from the text that was particularly moving to me was “Though it was too much for two, I made each dish anyway, taking as much care as I could.” In this moment the author reflects on how cooking was different after his mother passed away. Despite trying to prepare the food just as he did it just wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same without her. It became clear how significant his mom’s cooking really was to him and his family and how he inherently took it for granted until it was too late. It was so moving because that is a common theme we see in life, letting the little moments go by until we end up missing them. It’s almost as if the author was trying to persuade us to learn from his mistakes.

   1. I think you are right that there is something powerful about the familiarity of the dishes here. Perhaps cooking the foods his mother cooked is both a way to connect to his childhood, a way to make things feel more “normal’, and even a way to imagine that something of his mother would live on after her death.

8. 1.The meaning that cooking has for the author during his mother’s illness is very personal to him. That was the way he was always able to connect with his mother, throughout the story he mentions events where she would be cooking and he would be there with her. He learned everything about cooking from her and their time spent in the kitchen. As his mother’s sickness progresses he starts to view cooking as a part to stay connected to her, making the things he learns.
   7. Something in Lee’s essay that resonated with me personally was the moment he said “I would have left home for college, that was never in doubt, but those years I was away at boarding school grew more precious to her as her illness progressed” because at this moment he regretted not being home when his mother was starting to get more and more ill. I guess this really resonated with me because the moment my grandfather started to get ill I wasn’t able to be there, to at least help him out in whatever he needed. Now that I think about it I wish I had been there to have seen the last time he smiled or laughed. In a way just like Lee connects with his mother through food so do I with my grandfather. Whenever I buy some cookies or eat a certain meal it makes me think of him either because he ate it too or he would buy it for me, those small memories to me mean the world and help me feel connected to him.

   1. Your comments remind me of two important ideas: first, the inevitability of regrets as we contemplate loss. It seems totally normal to me that both Lee and his mother are thinking about things that they wish had gone differently between them. Second, you are right to point out how strongly we connect particular foods to our loved ones. Food and memory are often closely linked.

9. What meaning does cooking take on for the author during his mother’s illness?
   It is used to connect memories of his past and how they relate to the situation now. It connects all the memories of his mother of when she was healthy and all that she said to him. We got to see important details, and understand the feelings of the author. Like the time he speaks about his mother saying she regretted sending him to boarding school he speaks about what she felt, and how he felt and how it was relevant in that situation. Cooking is a way to connect the memories of his mother to him.
   How does Chang-Rae Lee handle time in this essay? Give an example to illustrate your response.
   All these events are taking time in his adult life but he seemingly transitions to memories in his past while staying focused with the theme of food. “In the traditional fashion, she was the house accountant, the maid, the launderer, the disciplinarian, the driver, the secretary, and, of course, the cook.” he mentions all the roles his mother plays putting cook at the end makes it feel like there is more emphasize the role of cook. Right after that sentence he talks about a memory during his middle school how his mother used to play basketball and how she taught him a few tricks. It was a good transition and it was not to distance from the main theme of the story.

   1. Right, on the one hand, the essay seems to focus on his mother as the family’s cook and nurturer. On the other, we learn about all these other dimensions of her identity through Lee’s memories.

10. 1.What meaning does cooking take on for the author during his mother’s illness?
    Cooking means a lot to the author because he is able to connect with his mother. When he was younger, he admired every time his mom cooked. While his mom was sick, cooking was able to bring his family together even though his mother could not eat due to her illness. By cooking, he was able to make the family forget about their worries and live in the moment cherishing the family. Most importantly, spend time with his mother. After her passing, cooking brought remembrance and honor, he was able to honor his mom through his cooking.
    2. Choose a line in the essay that you find particularly moving or illuminating. What makes it so effective?
    A line in the essay that I find particularly illuminating is “After her death, when my father and I were the only ones left in the house, drifting through the rooms like ghosts, I sometimes tried to make that meal for him.” Cooking was the way the author coped upon losing his mother. Beyond missing his mom, he missed the joy she brought while she cooked. The seats she filled when she made her dishes. The connection they made when they talked about food. Overall the time they spent together.

    1. Right, after his mother’s death, it seems like cooking is no longer a way to evoke an earlier, happier time.

11. 2. Choose a line in the essay that you find particularly moving or illuminating. What makes it so effective?
    In the essay “Coming Home Again,” a moving line for me was “I’ve always thought it was particularly cruel that the cancer was in her stomach, and that for a long time at the end she couldn’t eat. ” The mother had a huge passion for cooking and made meals for lee for a long time. Her no longer being able to taste or enjoy the delicious food she prepares for Lee is pretty sad. The author revealing this information makes the readers feel sympathetic for Lee’s family. In honor of his mother, Lee learns how to make some dishes her mother once made for the family.
    3. What role do food and cooking play in the life of the mother?
    Throughout the essay, the author constantly shows us the significant influence the mother had on Lee’s character development. Throughout Lee’s childhood, his mother cooked all his meals, which built a strong relationship and bond between both of them. In the essay, it states “Whenever I cook, I find myself working just as she would, readying the ingredients…” Lee’s mother’s passing motivated him to carry on the torch and perfect dishes just like her to share that special connection between them.

    1. I wonder if we can connect cooking here to other ways that Lee is like his mother.

12. 1. The meaning of cooking to the author is very important to him because it’s a time where him and his mother bonded the most before she became ill. Through cooking, he has memories of his mother and all his knowledge of their culture. He holds on to these memories because food brought them together. The author states “When I was six or seven years old, I used to watch my mother as she prepared our favorite meals. It was one of my daily pleasures.” Through his words, we can visualize that cooking was a form of affection between this family. His mother would cook her family’s favorite as a gesture of love and the author would watch her in a form of admiration.

    2. To me, “I answered that it was nothing, it was the last night of a long year, and we were together, and I was simply relieved.” is the most moving line because of the situation the family is in. To feel so helpless to a parent has to be the worst feeling in the world and to not be able to fully express it to not make matters worse has to be unimaginable. What makes this line so effective is the way the author set the scene for us. We know his mother is ill and can’t eat and is trying her hardest to appreciate her childs food even though she physically can’t. The author has to put a tough mask on at the moment to disguise his unimaginable hurt seeing someone he admired in need of help. It is especially hard knowing food was an object of love and affection between this family.

    1. I agree with you about the New Year’s Eve memory. There is something really sad about their efforts to make the evening feel festive or celebratory – even when they all knew that his mother was dying.

13. 1. The meaning of cooking for the author changes as his mother gets ill as it becomes significant. Lee explains how he used to “watch my mother as she prepared our favorite meals when he was younger. It was one of my daily pleasures”. He has fond memories of watching her cook. With his mother struggling, he feels a special connection when he makes these dishes that remind him of her. His mother can’t walk, cook, or eat solid food, limiting his forms of connecting with her. Lee sees cooking as the only memory he has of her where she wasn’t struggling with illness. He also feels more connected to her since he remembers the culture his mother taught him. We can also see how Lee tries to bring the beautiful memories that he had during his childhood.
    3. The mother enjoyed cooking. She looked forward to serving food to Lee whenever he came back from boarding school. Serving Lee food is one example of how she connects to her family. She is concentrated on making delicious food and is very gentle careful when doing so. She understood the importance of food and how it impacts how her family, especially Lee, would view her.

    1. I wonder if it’s really the case that cooking and feeding her family are really at the center of the mother’s life. The essay seems to hint at the idea that she had other talents and maybe even other dreams for herself.

14. 2. ” I wish I had paid more attention.” this line was personally effective to me because it showed that facts that we don’t value or pay much attention to them until they’re gone until we realized that things are not the same and without them, it just can’t be the same. We don’t pay much attention to the way they do things in this case the way his mom would cook, even when he tried it would not come out the same whether it was the tase of the color.
    7. Something that resonated with me was the exchange he had with his mother when she asked him to call the bank. The way he told he to call the bank her self knowing that she did not have the skills to do so. This situation is way familiar to me even after almost 8 years of moving to New York I make phone calls for my parents and there are times where I get frustrated that it should be something both of my parents should be able to do without my help.

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