Another 6 years of school and I’m not even guaranteed I will survive with all these problems occurring right now in the world. Those thoughts constantly go through my mind everyday I get up to go to Baruch. I sometimes let myself become so paranoid, but I always try to look to the bright side of things. College is another stop on my journey through life where I can make many new, positive, and friendly connections. I look at college as an opportunity for more freedom even though I still live at home. I attended a lot of different club meetings and notice how everyone is so friendly and willing to help you with your future career paths. I sometimes wonder if it’s a set up. But they are really committed to what they do. This inspires me to be like them and do the same thing, whether if its here at Baruch, in my community or on a larger scale, the world we live in. The only way for me to do this, is to do more than what is required or asked for. No matter how hard my goals are to reach I will find a way to get there, I have no room for excuses.

It was my first day of class at Baruch and I was already lost. Room 3-195, where the hell was that? I see 3-120 to 3-180 but it ends there. Where do I go? I walk around in a circle for five minutes double checking, triple checking the signs in front of the classrooms. None of them say 3-195.

I asked a lady wearing a uniform, “Excuse me, where can I find room 3-195?” She replied, “I don’t know it’s my first week here.” Funny, me too. It’s my fourth trip around the 3rd floor, and then I finally spot it. The sign that says freshman seminar with a huge arrow pointing towards a set of rooms right outside the escalator. I was lost but I eventually found what I was looking for. And I hope to achieve that again and again at Baruch. I don’t mind being lost, as long as I end up in places where I want to be.

Elementary school. A joyful yet boring time in our lives where we are taught to follow the rules and trap ourselves in the daily routine of
Sleep → Breakfast → Class → Lunch → Class → Dinner → Sleep

Middle school. The beginning of the ordeal where we face the stressful pain of deciding our future while knowing absolutely nothing about the world and surviving an onslaught of hormonal attacks, while we continue to
Sleep → Breakfast → Class → Lunch → Class → Dinner → Sleep

High school. This is the time where we shall make stupid mistakes and face the consequences for it while learning nothing from them. There’s also the psychological attacks from our social connections but nobody cares about that
Sleep → Breakfast → Class → Lunch → Class → Dinner → Sleep

College. At least, the place where we are only academically prepared while left to figure out everything else by ourselves but that’s alright. We have learned through trial-and-error of what we are capable of and now we have the freedom to chose what we want to do!
Sleep → Breakfast → Class → Lunch → Class → Dinner → Sleep

The real world. The unknown future that is beyond everything and is feared to some extent. Now what?
Sleep → I don’t know → I don’t know → I don’t know → I don’t know → I don’t know → Sleep

And I thought my high school was pretty big with two thousand something students. In Baruch, there are more than 3 times as many students! In high school, I was so use to security guards telling us to put away our cell phones, but now it is weird not hearing it again as I am back in school. There is so much freedom in college that it hard to adopt to all at once, not that I don’t love it. You can roam the halls without hearing screeches like, “Where do you belong right now?!” or “Go to the cafeteria or library if you have no classes!”.

https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10453364_893491134009874_4479748820962198250_n.jpg?oh=2998686de22c041dcd1b36ee0107283a&oe=54F3BC43

You guys walk too fast, some of you are even running. None of us know how to slow down, since they tell us to keep moving forward. Some of you don’t even turn around once you have left. Soon you will regret knowing that there really is nothing left. It comes so fast that you can not even count it in numbers, you can barely see every part of it fly by you. How can we just simply close our eyes and go to sleep every night, then believe that tomorrow will be a new day when we won’t even remember yesterday. You can try to step back all you want, but what you step in has already been stepped on. The second time is usually not as good as the first, which is why we should have known to cherish it from the beginning. It seemed like just a day ago where I sat in the back seat, all of a sudden today I was driving. Just yesterday morning I was watching Sesame Street and learning the alphabet, this morning I watched the news about world crisis. My favorite blanky from a week ago, is now just a rag on the floor. Toys that I played with everyday in the past, has turned into storage box down in the basement. I’m scared for myself, I’m scared for all of us. Of course there are pictures, surely we still have memories but I feel like I’ve never grasped it. I just can’t remember, this time i had. Some childhood.

I have no clue what the meaning of life is. No one ever taught me, though I’m pretty sure that’s because they have no idea either. So I decided to take some time out and make a meaning for my own life. After what seemed like years, I think I finally got it. I want to leave something behind in this world once I pass. No, I don’t mean leaving behind my initials carved on a tree or a piece of gum stuck underneath my third grade desk. I want to leave behind an idea that changes the way everyone thinks about life, or some brand new, wacky object that people would still use a thousand years from now. Perhaps maybe even a book that wins a ton of awards and gets adapted into an Oscar-nominated film. I want my great-great-great grandchildren to be excited about having an ancestor like me rather than look at my name and ask “Who is that?” Amid my constant drought of thoughts, I came across a quote by the great Banksy: “…they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” With all these thoughts of passing something down, of leaving behind an idea, of having my ancestors still look up to me – I guess all I really want is for my second death to not come right after my first.

Dreams are strange things.

I once had a dream where everyone was getting flushed down the toilet by an invisible and all powerful force. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve assumed it was the prophecy for the apocalypse. Y’know, the one that already happened in 2011.

The earliest dream I ever considered weird was the one I had in middle school.

I was falling, falling, falling. In the next moment, there was a dark intermission, and in the moment after, I realized I was sitting on the body of a dead man, -the body of the leader of a ninja-gang. You see, the ninja-gang consisted of ninja-bikers who wore ninja clothes and rode their bikes ninja-style on the walls of the surrounding buildings. It was really cool.

They realized what had happened. They wanted revenge, and they wanted it instant-ramen style. I had no choice, so I grabbed a donut and ran. In the back of mind, I knew the dead body disappeared, but I didn’t care. I turned a corner and knew I was on the main road. While I was running, my mom and Marilyn Monroe whizzed by. No time to think; I kept running straight.

Next thing I knew, I was awake.

Fin.

http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/tsmhuang-2284585-david-huang-freshman-seminar-presentation/