Have to say, my life is a real snore. It certainly wouldn’t make an exciting movie. Sorry, it probably won’t be anymore thrilling as an essay, but try to keep your eyes open, alright? Why is my life so yawn-inducing? Well, I’m not entirely sure, to be quite honest, but I can think of one possible reason. That reason, ironically, might be the most “interesting” aspect of my life (which really isn’t saying much).
It’s not something I’m proud to admit, but I’m pretty sure it’s as clear as day to everybody at this point. Plus I’ve really got nothing else to talk about. So here goes. In case you somehow haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly the most talkative person around.
“No shit,” I’m sure everybody just thought collectively.
Thing is, that isn’t because of nerves from being in a new school or anything like that. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. That’s alright, it’s normal to be a little quiet, right? Well, let’s just say I’m a pretty extreme case. For most of my years in school, I’ve always been sort of…a loner, I guess? Yeah, sounds pretty pathetic, putting it that way, but oh well, that’s the truth of it.
Well, I wasn’t always a “loner”, per se. Back in elementary school, I’d hang out with at least one person. That person changed every year since my classmates were different each year, but it was always only one person and no more. Don’t think that happened deliberately; that’s just how things turned out, I guess.
It wasn’t until middle school that I really turned into a “loner”. Ay caramba! Did something incredibly tragic happen that changed me forever? Nope, sorry, nothing that exciting. In fact, nothing happened at all. For some reason, I just didn’t make any friends. This continued even through high school. From the looks of it, nothing’s really changing in college.
Sure, I’ve always had acquaintances to casually converse with. I’m not completely mute. But an actual, close friend that I talk with, even outside of school? Haven’t had one of those in a long time.
To tell you the truth, I have no idea why I turned into such a “loner”. I’ve never really been bullied, even though you might expect somebody like me to be a prime target for such. In fact, most of the kids in my high school were pretty nice. Not a victim of child abuse either, in case you were wondering. So it’s got nothing to do with emotional trauma. Contrary to popular stereotypes, I assure you I’m also not a misanthrope with plans to shoot up the school, so you can all relax now.
According to my mother, I’ve been the way I am…since the day I was born, pretty much. Yep, I wasn’t very sociable, even back when I was still crapping in my pants. Apparently, I would bawl whenever a stranger just wanted to say hi to me. Pretty sure it’s got nothing to do with genes or family influence, either. I mean, you should see my brother. The guy’s a complete polar opposite of me; he’s one of them frat boy types that always hits the gym and goes clubbing every week. My parents are also relatively “normal”. Guess I’m just an odd case.
I don’t particularly hate socialization. Nor do I love it, for that matter. But I do hate having too much attention on me (so as you can imagine, my Speech Communication class is a real nightmare for me). I also have issues with initiating conversations, meaning I’ll never start a conversation unless I have something very specific to ask. Just can’t start a conversation for the sake of conversation, I guess. I don’t join other peoples’ conversations, either, unless I’m explicitly asked for input (even then, I’m not very opinionated, so I usually don’t answer with anymore than a shrug). Maybe that’s why I don’t make a whole lot of friends; a lot of people seem to assume I don’t want anybody to bother me, when the truth is, I just don’t know what to say to anybody. Or I just smell real bad, who knows.
Point being, life isn’t exactly exciting for somebody like me, which is why I have such few “interesting” experiences to write about. Honestly, though, I’m fine with my life. While I don’t hate people, being alone seldom bothers me. My life’s pretty nice to live, it’s just…painfully boring to write about. There’s also the fact that American society seems to stigmatize asociality, so it’s hard not to feel a lil’ embarrassed about myself sometimes. Pretty sure I’m gonna regret writing about this later, but…ah, who cares, I just wanna pass this class, for Christ’s sake.
Sorry for writing a whole novel, but you have my congratulations if you made it this far. Think that’s all I gotta say…oh wait, that’s right, I gotta have a picture of me or something. Well, here you go.
