This step definitely brought forth numerous changes, as it is expected. It sometimes feels like it’s a race that others have started years ago and others just realized the mud they stepped in. I feel like I am in the middle. I have climbed up the few steps to reach this level and now I need to get my act together and do things right. That’s where the trouble comes in, I have to make choices. That is what my first semester in college has been like, filled with choices and sometimes feeling like there’s none at all.

Overwhelmed by the choices we have to make to choose a “career” path. Every little choice can affect the year I graduate, the time I have for a job or internship and the time I devote to family and friends. The lines can blur at times. Yet despite all this choices, more than ever I want to equip all the skills possible and go out there and make things happen. Of course, this is daunting and overwhelming.

One thing that has helped reduced this anxiety has been meeting people. People that are in the same situation, making friends has definitely helped me cope with all the things in my plate at the moment. This might not be my college dream experience but having good people around me has made me realize that part of college is accepting others and learning from others. I would have never just reached out and put myself out there but seeing others just mingle and share some laughs, makes me see the good in others. Of course, not all are in the same mindset but meeting those that are has been rewarding.

I feel that this is the most I can do at the moment and when opportunities present themselves, I will try my best to make the best choice. So college this past few months has flown by, time has ticked faster than I would’ve thought but I have tried to make the best out of it. Have I made all the right choices? Probably not. But I am trying to stay sane in this world of continual change and I will continue to learn, stay open-minded and work hard. At the end of the day, as much as I can worry about things in my life, worrying will not change anything. I’ve learned that it’s been better for me to focus on the things I currently have and use that to my advantage. It’s hard, as anything, but nothing worth doing is easy, so I guess I just need continue to figure out how to make all these things happen.

Eighteen

I’m filled with nerves, excitement, and confusion
Engulfed by bundles of information
That while I thought I had instructions
Life instructions are created with no assumptions
Finding myself in a room of diverse ideologies
Talking to a face of another town, city, state, or nation
Understanding where they come from yet also hearing where they’re headed
Keeping an open mind, finding the facts
Formulating my opinions and understanding their responses

Finding myself in a room of diverse ideologies
Talking to a face of another town, city, state, or nation
Understanding where they come from yet also hearing where they’re headed
Keeping an open mind, finding the facts
Formulating my opinions and understanding their responses
Understanding the pressure yet excited of the abundance of possibilities

Flipping through pages of words that make me question
Touching, sliding, moving, hours on end
The many screens of technology
Connecting to points in a map, feeling closer and feeling farther

Yet while the world fills me with information
I am in the constant struggle to take the most in the moments of sensation
Finding the right time to talk to an old friend and laugh without care
Just give hugs and love those around me, the ones close to me

I guess what I’m getting at
Is that this year I tried to find a place in the information
To put feeling in the words on the paper
To take more out of the words on a screen
Feeling alongside the language
This required much attention

Making a point of understanding
To the cries of those outside but also the cries inside me
This led to finally accepting
While there is sorrow and hurting in the world
There’s also the same amount of laughter and happiness
I am learning not to dwell on the things I can’t change
Instead of running, trying to move slower

People aren’t all good and they aren’t all bad
I will move in and out of darkness and light all of my life
Yet a privilege to have a chance at experiencing all this much
Marking eighteen years of my existence