I chose this gif because it illustrates how stressed out and confused I was (and still am) during my first months at Baruch. The classes that I’m taking have been interesting and fun, but also tremendously stressful. I found myself with so much free time and yet, no time at all. So many deadlines…

I met a lot of smart, amazing people who knew what they wanted to do for the next four years… and it made me feel small in comparison because I don’t have a definite plan. I mean, I’ve thought about it. I just haven’t decided yet. There are so many different paths I could take and it would please my parents, but there’s only one specific path that can make me happy. Hopefully, I find it soon.

I have a lot of conflicting emotions about it.

So I summed it all up in a poem. Read at your own leisure (or don’t).

I’m stumbling down, down a rabbit hole.

Then I’m upright, having nowhere to go.

I know what I want, yet I have no clue.

I’m sleeping, I’m awake. It’s all old, but I’m new.

I’m staring at nothing. Nothing is staring back.

I’m gaining something, but there’s another thing I lack.

I travel down one road, then I turn back around.

I’m making it all up as I go. I’m serious, I’m a clown.

I talk, but I can barely speak.

I think I’m okay, but then, I freak.

My words are winning. My words are losing.

I got it all figured out and it’s still confusing.

But, then I breathe and I’m calm again.

No matter what happens, I’ll make it to the end.