I think these diagrams sum up my college experience so far. I used to think it was a simple balance, or at least in high school it was. I got to see my friends everyday because we were in the same school day after day. School always ended at 2pm and although I had a job, I got plenty of sleep most nights. In college, it has not been that simple. I have made some great friends, but it’s still difficult to see one another outside of class. Also, I have to make time to see my other friends from high school. I’m in a long distance relationship now, which isn’t easy to handle mentally or physically, and I can’t devote nearly as much of my time as I want to into seeing him. I don’t have  a job right now, but I would like to have one. But then again, that would eliminate more time I already feel I don’t have. I feel the pressure to maintain good grades, but also join clubs and build up my resume. I go to sleep a lot later than I used to.Oh, and I have to remember to eat. It’s not that all of this responsibility scares me, but it brings back my anxiety that I’ve struggled with since I was little. However, I know this is college. I know this is part of growing up. And I know I will be able to balance it all as I continue to grow and adjust.

My anxiety is setting in. I had never been more nervous. Do I wear a dress? Something more casual? It’s only coffee. What kind of shoes? Heels? Flats? The options seemed endless.

My anxiety is building. I keep checking the time. I was ready an hour early. 6:00. I check again. 6:03. Again, 6:05. I was convinced this clock was moving slower than normal.

My anxiety is building. I’m pacing back and forth and back and forth. I can literally feel my heart racing. I become more aware of my breathing. I begin to rethink the entire night and consider calling the whole thing off.  I continue to pace back and forth and back and forth.

My anxiety is building. I got ready too early. I gave myself too much time to think, and to overthink. There is really nothing to stress over, but that doesn’t stop me from doing so. What if I make myself look foolish? What if I have bad breath? I brush my teeth for the third time.

My anxiety is building. 6:50. Time to leave. I get in the car, my heart still racing, my palms sweaty. I pull into the parking lot and take my keys out of the ignition. Then I consider putting them right back in and speeding back home and making up some lame excuse. No. I’ve come this far and I begin to walk towards the door.

And then I see him. He smiles. I smile. My anxiety is gone.

http://open.spotify.com/user/meghandalyy/playlist/3XH8RIIcN3eXMSKtwY7rra

I chose to do a musical playlist with songs that have a special meaning to me or describe how I’ve felt recently about the transition to college. Some of the songs, such as “Good Life” by Kanye West and “Diane Young” by Vampire Weekend are tracks that simply make me happy. They’re upbeat and they are the songs I often find myself playing when I am feeling down, so they hold a special place in my heart. I put two Marina and the Diamonds songs on there “Sex Yeah” and “How to Be a Heartbreaker” because they have feminist themes and female-empowering messages, both of which I am a strong believer in. The three songs by the artists Lorde I included, “Ribs”, “A World Alone”, and “400 Lux” are on there because I honestly feel as if her entire album, entitled “Pure Heroine” gives the feeling of someone about my age, making a major change in their lives. In my case, this major change is moving to the city to go to college and becoming more independent, and I can relate to many of her lyrics such as, “This dream isn’t feeling sweet / We’re reeling through the midnight streets / And I’ve never felt more alone / It feels so scary getting old” from the track “Ribs.” I’ve  been a fan of the rapper Drake as well as Nicki Minaj for a while and their song “Makes Me Proud” has a personal meaning to my life. The song “Be Calm” but the band Fun. is on this playlist because it’s something I constantly remind myself in stressful situations and I think it’s an important message for everyone to remember. Specifically the chorus, “Be calm. / I know you feel like you are breaking down. / I know that it gets so hard sometimes, / Be calm.” Finally, “New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down” relates to my life because I feel as if I’m still having mixed feelings on living in this huge city away from my boyfriend and family and as much as I love the city, my experience so far is not at all what I expected. However, I’m still giving myself time to adjust before I make any major decision.