Nicholas DiMarco

Monologue

January 31st, 2012… a day my family and I will never forget. 11 a.m starts the surgery. 11:30 a.m comes and it’s over. Confusion. Why did they stop? Diagnosis… cancer. The one word no one wants to hear.

A procedure to remove a tumor reveals a cancerous growth that would change her life. Shock. Fear. Anger. All these emotions were running through my mind. Why her? Why cancer? What is going to happen?

I had never felt so scared, so upset. My aunt was like a second mother to me… my best friend. When the doctor told her she had three months to live, I couldn’t speak. My family got together and thought of the only thing we could do for her… help.

The next day she was sent to Sloan Kettering in NYC to be with the best doctors. Test after test to find possible treatments to help her. The following week she was allowed home and would have to go to the doctors for her treatments: chemotherapy, radiation, any treatment to try and save her. I had never seen her look so strong, as if she was not afraid.

July 2012, three months past her life expectancy. The cancer was starting to really affect her. She was now sent to Sloan again. She would spend the following month and a half there. I spent so many days at Sloan that it began to almost feel like my second home. My family and I spent hours by her bedside keeping her in good spirits.

Towards the middle of August, she was sent home. She was going strong and doing well until the end of November. I remember her always complaining about pain she was feeling. Once December hit, it was a downward spiral. We all knew what was inevitably going to come, but didn’t want to believe it just yet. I remember going to her house to in the beginning of December to help her set up Christmas decorations like we always did each year. I always treasured her decorations because they were so classy and elegant. “You know when I am gone, these are all going to be yours right” she said. Hearing her say those words made my heart stop. “Lets hope thats not for a long, long time.” I replied.

January 22nd, 2013… another date my family and I will never forget. This was the day my aunt lost her battle to Stage 4 Uterine Cancer. I will never forget my mom’s facial expression or the tone of her voice that morning when she woke me to tell me the news. A sense of relief rushed through my mind knowing that she was finally out of pain, followed by a sense of anger and sadness knowing she was gone and never coming back.I have learned to deal with this tremendous loss by reminiscing on the good times she and I shared rather than dwelling on the year of sickness.

I now look back at this experience as a life lesson to me. Her life expectancy taught me how precious life is and to always enjoy every second of it. It also showed me how quickly life can change at any given moment. Even though the last year of her life was full of sickness, it will be a year I will always hold close to my heart for all the time I got to spend with her before she passed. As I start the next chapter in my life here at Baruch, I know that she will be with me every step of the way.

Afrida Hussain

Monologue

Growing Up

As I was looking at my 4 month old niece, I was jealous of her peaceful life. I thought how carefree her life is; no homework to do, no siblings to take care of, no cellphone bill to pay, and no monologue to write! Her only job is to eat and sleep, how lucky.

Last year I was sitting in Ihop with 3 of my friends and had a craving for macaroni and cheese, except the only problem was that it was in the kids section of the menu. That made no sense to me, how can they allow a certain age group to order a certain food? If I wanted macaroni and cheese, I was definitely getting it. When the waiter came to take our order and I told her I wanted the macaroni and cheese she looked at me as if I had 3 horns on my head, and my friends, of course, laughed at me. However, she wrote that down and I was able to leave Ihop happy because I got to eat my macaroni and cheese.

I was in line at Rye Playland about 3 years ago, waiting to ride the Choo Choo Train. When I finally arrived at the front of the line, I was told I could not ride the Choo Choo Train because I was too old for it.

So why am I telling you this? From these three experiences, I realized how much I hated the idea of growing up. Yes, we all physically grow and our appearance changes, but some of us don’t like changing internally or mentally. We do gain a lot from growing up like being able to drink, drive, getting a debit card, or a real job, however we also lose a lot too such as being able to order macaroni and cheese at Ihop or riding the Choo Choo Train without being looked at as if you’re crazy. There are just so many expectations that come with growing up. In other words if there was a way to stop all this growing up from happening, I would definitely try to stop it. It’s all just a trap!

I would say that I’m self-confident. I may be a little bit arrogant. Even a tad narcissistic too. But as I walk through the entrance of the college and move into the midst of bustling bodies, my confidence starts crumbling away. There are so many people looking spiffy in their business attire and there I am in my sweater and jeans. Feeling a bit self-conscious, I speed up towards my destination. It reminds me that it is the survival of the fittest here, and to succeed among thousands of students is a struggle. The people in business attire  look like they’ve already succeeded whereas I look like a mess. In a matter of years, some of them appear to have their lives together and are completely set for their careers.

It took some time for me to realize that they look like that because they’ve worked for it. They’ve spent a couple of years in this school and have worked to where they are now. Me? I’m just starting out. I’ll be like them in no time. But for now, I have to work towards my goal, to survive, to triumph, to accept past failures and learn from the struggles. To grieve and stay in the past is a mere nuisance;  it’s time to take a step forward.

At 9:00AM I looked down from a relaxation area on the 10th floor of Baruch. Looking down I see countless students and adults moving from location A to B. For some reason at this moment a wave of fear hit me. So many people, so many futures and careers and there I was little old me. What can I do to be special, Who am I that will set me aside from everyone else, How will the world remember me. As I frantically search my mind for these answers I feel as I’m falling in a deep hole. My chest becomes empty, limbs are paralyzed and eyes fixated on the floor. How can such a free fun loving spirit such as mine be able to compete with these people. As I look down I feel gone.

Then I look up. I force a smile and realize I will never be able to answer these questions. Not yet. Part of going to college is realizing just how lost you are and finding yourself. I know I’ll find myself if I just stay positive and strong. I know I can be special if I keep moving forward. I realized I had to look down from the 10th floor to help me look forward to a bright future.

“So then it’s Baruch?” They say with a hopeful smile.

“Uh– yea okay, yea it’s Baruch,” I reply

My whole family jumps up and down while proceeding to smile and hug me tightly. Everyone around me was happy but all I could feel were the knots tying up in the pit of stomach. I hope my fake smiles could keep them at bay. But honestly, I wasn’t upset about it. It would’ve been selfish really to demand that I go to some tucked away college in the west, all cozy in my dorm room a thousand miles away as my parents work day and night to send my sister to medical school and my brother, a senior in high school, to college soon too. And so, I am okay with my decision.

Walking into that heavy steel revolver the first day was annoying. I had already decided my college experience was going to be horrible so I just decided to just get through it already. This is college I reassured myself. And the thoughts of people back home shaking their sympathetic faces at me filled my head.

“Commuting huh? That’s gotta be tough. Yea it’ll be hard to make good friends but hey, its just undergrad right!”

But now I stand here before you: Yes, not in an LC; yes, commuting; and yes, wanting to pursue one of the hardest majors at Baruch. And no longer am I okay with my decision: I’m proud of it. Because not only have these few weeks at Baruch taught me more as a person than all of high school combined, but I’m looking forward to the rest of the year. I’m looking forward to sleeping over at the library with my friends because we left our work till the last minute and don’t have time to commute home. I’m looking forward to visiting all the tourists sights that I always forget about doing now that I can come to the city anytime because of my lirr monthly pass. I’m looking forward to finding that random delicious bistro that one day we tried out after class. I’m looking forward to going to my first job interview and being confident because I know STARR center prepared me well enough for it. And I look forward to running into my sister and brother’s arms telling them I got the job not because I sacrificed my choice college for them, but because I actually unknowingly picked the right one. Even though I expected you to, you haven’t let me down yet Baruch. Here’s to four years of great college memories!

Yesterday was stressful.

Today is stressful.

Tomorrow will be stressful.

This whole week will be stressful.

Ever since college started, everything has been stressful.

So much to do in so little time.

Losing sleep just to finish unwanted assignments.

Everything is so stressful.

Can I just sleep away all this stress?

Or at least, take me back in time where nothing really mattered.

Because I miss those times so much.

HAPPY-I just want to be happy. But what exactly does happy mean?

H is for Harmony because it’s better to have friends than have enemies. Because I don’t like conflict. Because it’s my strength. Because it’ll make me happy.

A is for Authenticity because I need to show who I really am. Because I’m different. Because being me is better than being anyone else. Because it’ll make me happy.

P is for Prosperity because I want to have a great future. Because I want to be successful. Because I want to be a great accountant. Because it’ll make me happy.

P is for Persistence because I won’t let anything stop me. Because I’ve worked too hard to give up now. Because I want to strive. Because it’ll make me happy.

Y is for Youth because I’m young. Because I have so much to do and experience. Because I have yet to accept that I’m getting old. Because it’ll make me happy.

But why is happiness so important? It gets me through the days where I feel like I can’t do anything anymore. It gives me something to look forward to.

Happiness is more than a smile on your face. It’s your dream. It’s when you feel you have accomplished all that you’ve wanted. Where you reach that feeling of satisfaction and comfort. Why wouldn’t you want to be happy?

Oh and that’s me!!! HIIII 🙂 

Those twittering, jittering, fluttering nerves. Bouncing around like cold butterflies in your stomach.
Oh gosh you think you just made a new friend.
You think.
You’ve been chatting casually with her in class for the last couple of weeks. Stuff about class. Stuff about homework. Stuff about stuff outside of class and homework. Does that make her a friend?
Class is almost ending. Maybe you should ask for her contact information. Her number.

Naw man what if she gets the wrong idea.

N-n-n-n-no. No. No. No. You just want a friend. You don’t even swing that way.

She probably doesn’t even think of you as a friend.

It doesn’t hurt to just ask. The worst that can happen is that she says no.

What if she just gives you her number ’cause she pities you.

Ah- no, no she won’t do something like that.

Oh look she’s packing up. She didn’t even say bye.

No, wait, hurry up and pack your things.

And now she’s at the door!

Oh, flipping butternuggets- “CanIhaveyounumberp- ah damn it.”

Annnnd she is gone. That was pathetic.

Heeeeey, but you tried.

She didn’t even hear you.

Ask her next time.

‘Okay. Okay. I will. I’m pretty sure she’s a friend. I think.’

After graduating high school I thought to myself that college was going to be just another four years of school.

I’ve never been more wrong.

While I was in high school I used to procrastinate so much, leaving assignments to do the day before it’s due. I really didn’t have my priorities set straight during high school. I would spend more time with friends rather than studying and doing my homework. It felt like I had no responsibilities.

Now I’m in college, and as soon as I received the syllabus for every class I realized procrastination was not an option. All my bad customs in high school I had to forget. I forced myself to do any assignment ahead of time. This way I avoid doing multiple ones for every class at the same time. I also had to ask my boss for less work days realizing that I wouldn’t have time to study. All these good decisions will shape me for the future. My high school mentality was gone. I now feel grateful that I’m in college because many people can’t for many reasons. I must forget all my bad habits and take responsibilities for all my actions. I’m an adult. I will learn to act as one. There’s no looking back. I owe it to me and my family to succeed. They’ve given me everything they have to offer. Now it’s my turn.