Monologue

I am obsessed with the future, and I’ve been that way as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I was terrified by the concept of permanent damage. The idea that a single mistake could render my body slightly less useful until the end of my days petrified me. there was a brief period during my childhood in which I was too scared to play in the playground because I didn’t want to fall down and permanently damage my legs, I also remember doing regular vision tests to make sure my eyes were in pristine condition. but despite all those eye tests, I still need glasses, and despite being as careful as I could, a few months back I had to have a surgery on my ankle, despite all my fear I’m still damaged. Fear doesn’t prevent bad things from happening, if anything it just makes the good things less memorable. Being so consumed by fear of what the future might hold, made me see everything as a threat, and that in turn made the present just as terrible as I was afraid the future might be. All my time worrying about the future didn’t do me any good, because anytime that I think about the future I’m ignoring the present. Ignoring all the wonderful things around me and instead choosing to focus on things that might go wrong. Everyday I try to catch myself whenever I start thinking about the future because as boring as the present might seem, it’s real, and any thoughts I might have about the future aren’t. I think at least for me, focusing on the present is the key to a happy life.