Tafannum Rahman
March 11, 2014
The Life of Taf’s Face
Oh my goodness. Here she goes.
I swear it’s the same shit everyday.
I love the feeling of the bristles of the mineral powder brush against me but like hello, do you hate how I look that much that you have to alter it’s color and appearance!? Next comes the concealer. Girl you need to conceal your bag of makeup and put it away because I think I’m beautiful naturally. Ouch. Easy. Can you lightly dab and not press so hard under the eyes to evenly spread out the concealer? MAYBE IF YOU GOT MORE SLEEP YOU WOULDN’T NEED TO COVER THESE UGLY BAGS. Oh boy. Here comes that nasty sticky stuff. What do you call it? Oh yeah, primer. I hate how sticky that shit feels and by the way, Taf, that smudge brush you use to apply the primer on me is harder than your nipples when you’re cold. I have to say I love the way those eyeshadow brushes you use on me feel though. But don’t you think you put a little too much? You put like three different fucking eyeshadow colors on me that all look the same. Talking about “blending different colors to make it look pretty.” I swear I wish I was a guy. A guy would treat me better. Are all girls this unappreciative of their natural beauty? Anyways, my favorite brush is the blush brush. It feels as soft as a baby’s ass. Just put blush all over me all day and I won’t mind Taf. Or is it just to apply on the cheeks? Aren’t you supposed to turn red naturally when someone makes you blush? Oh. So you girls pretend like you’re blushing but in reality it’s just all that blush you put on? How fake. Hm. THE WORST PART OF IT ALL IS WHEN YOU PUT THAT DAMN THING ON MY EYELASHES. What is that shit? Do you know how hard it is to not flutter my eyes every five seconds? And god forbid you get it anywhere on me besides the eyelashes and you start dabbing the shit out of me. Mascara I think it’s called? Yeah. Those need to like, be extinct. Why do you need long eyelashes? What’s wrong with the ones you have now? You girls are so extra. I hope one day you wake up and you have no eyelashes left. Oh and quit stretching the area under my eyes just to put on eyeliner, seriously Tafannum. Lipstick. I don’t even know where to begin with lipstick. CAN YOU JUST LEAVE THEM NATURALLY PINK? I hate the way lipstick smells Taf! Your boyfriend is not going to want to kiss you with that nasty shit you put on your lips. And I swear you have one hundred different red lipsticks that all look the same. It’s red. Who cares what hue or how vibrant it is? The lipstick is fucking red. One red lipstick is enough. Why do you need all those different shades? Buy a fucking book with that money you would spend on all that Mas lipstick. Or wait, is it called Mac? I don’t know what it’s called. Stop putting me through all that nonsense and pain and unnecessary torture every single damn morning. Just put a little lotion on me every morning to moisturize meand call it a day. I swear if you keep putting make up on me, I will make sure you wake up the next morning with seventy two pimples. Think twice now. Taf.