“Thus, at the very moment I dreamed of the greatest happiness, I found myself most miserable: and it seemed as if fortune wished to give me this taste of joy only to render the reverse more poignant” pg. 53
Equiano’s personal accounts of slavery as a boy is interesting because he is experiencing many things. Because he traveled so much, he spoke more languages and grew an understanding of other cultures, some being similar to his own. As he gets sold and passed around from town to town, he goes through different treatments from all his masters and wives. From bad to amazing, Equaino is shocked of his personal experiences and what he witnesses outside. With one of his master’s, he was perfumed, washed, and prepared for a meal with a mistress and her son. He was treated as one of their own, speaking the same language, wearing the same clothes, and eating the same food. It doesn’t sound very slave-like or at least not how most slaves were treated. He has done a lot of work for a boy and has finally received some special treatment considering he was a slave. At times, he forgot he was a slave. Although he felt happiest at those times, he still had despair deep down hidden away. He knows that there shouldn’t be any enjoyment with getting along with his master and family. He was crying because of his separated sister and here he is enjoying a meal with his owner’s mistress. He feels conflicted with his temporary pleasures vs. separation of his family. Their is guilt in his new pleasure. The more time spent enjoyed as a slave, the less time is spent with what is really important: getting back to the family.
There is definitely a conflict Equiano has between enjoying his current life and trying to return home to his family. On one hand, he describes his good treatment which like you said, is uncommon for slaves. On the other hand, he longs for his freedom and his family because although he receives nice treatment, he is still a servant to his masters. However, at some point Equiano starts to realize that getting home might prove to be difficult or almost impossible. He over hears the people looking for him say, “the distance was so great, and the way so intricate, that they thought I could never reach it….when I heard this I was seized with a violent panic.” Equiano realizes that he may be stuck where he is as a slave.