Task : Replace overgeneralization with clear, nuanced, and supported claims. Don’t make large universal claims you can’t support or demonstrate via the text. Leave room.
I fixed some of the overgeneralized claims. For example, if I were to say, “everybody is obsessed with social media” , I would change it to ” the majority of people use social media in excess.” I also tried to provide more personal examples that I have seen in my own life and incorporate it into the text.
Task: Develop a clearer thesis that is explicitly about the works. Draw the works together under a central claim.
I have fixed the this to be more specific but also incorporate the names of all the artifacts that I used. I made it clear that depression and anxiety would be the main focus points of my essay.