Author: a.moulier

As if the struggle of mentally losing my mom couldn’t have gotten any worse my family felt like it was falling apart with all the stress that fell on each of us. My older sister seemed to be the only one that could get my mom to come to her senses most of the time but when she didn’t things just split over and it was up to all of us to pick up the pieces. I didn’t have much time with work and school and the disconnection I had with my mom most of my life almost felt like there wasn’t anything I could d to make things better. My little sister was our eyes when neither of us were around she had to accompany my mom whenever she wanted to go outside and run small errands, like getting last minute groceries for dinner time. My dad worked overnight and slept most of the day.

I remember one day what we feared the most happened. My mom had a huge breakdown in the middle of the street. My older sister called me frantically telling me my mom has had one of her random episodes and the ambulance was on the way.

“But what exactly happened” I said confused and full of fear.

Although I had known my mom had a problem I didn’t quite know or ever experienced any of her outbreaks first hand. So when my sister called me I just envisioned the possibilities of what could’ve happened. Maybe she fell on to the pavement and began yelling out all sort of crazy things, or maybe she thought someone was following her and got into a dispute with someone.

“She just started a commotion about someone watching her and broke down, just get here as soon as you can” she said.

“Okay but who was with her”

I wanted to know more even before I got there, it was almost like I wanted to prepare myself for whatever was coming next.

My sister and I just had our minds in two separate places and it was almost hard to focus on the actual phone conversation.

“Your dad is on his way” she said with the urge to hang up so she can get focused.

“Okay bye” I said before I hung up still with no clue to why, how, or exactly where this nightmare took place.

Graduation day came and there was my mom, dad, and younger sister. My dad was holding flowers and my sister was just happy to see me. As for my mom she looked like someone snatched her soul, she almost forced a smile, dressed like a nun, and she just looked scared and lost. I knew immediately something was definitely going on with my mom I just didn’t know how serious it actually was. After the graduation ceremony we headed back to my dorm, which was now a suite and so I only shared my room with one other person but my roommate had already headed back home for the summer so it was just me. My things were already packed and ready to go my dad helped me bring them to the car while my mom just complained about how much she wanted to leave and she hated where I was.

My mom could just frustrate someone by the things she said because she quickly assumed most things but the things she was saying now sort of scared me for a minute but I quickly brushed it off.

“I saw a lot of evil at your graduation, lots of witches, and people wishing to do bad things,” she said as I looked at her completely puzzled.

“Jannette!” my dad would burst warning her to be quiet and snap out of it.

 

My dad always protected me and my sisters from things he thought we didn’t have to worry about or should even know. At that point I still didn’t know what was going on but it was only a matter of time before I found out.

“Mommy is in the hospital she snapped and broke down outside,” my older sister said slightly panicking over the phone.

 

I was speechless and still had no idea what was going on. As I approach the hospital with my dad it wasn’t your normal emergency room, all the patients seemed a bit different. Visits were in a big white room with windows facing the front of the hospital towards the parking lot. The visit seemed almost like a jail visit to me, my mom was in a big white t-shirt and oddly she was happy to see me. Couldn’t help but just to sit there and wonder what was going on because although this had all happened I still hadn’t known exactly what happened until my older sister decided she should tell me.

My mom was in a psychiatric ward and still I wondered how did this all happen and why does it seem like it happened so fast.

“Mommy has been doing bad mentally, your dad didn’t want to worry you while you were in school. You should look up psychosis so you have an idea of her condition because if she continues to refuse to drink her medication she is only setting herself up to get worse” my sister said very straight forward.

Psychosis as I found out after research is a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality.

My sister was very familiar with what was going on with my mom because she was studying psychology so she translated everything that was going on to me and prepped me on the best ways to handle it. A month went by and my mom was finally released I couldn’t help but to worry how my little sister must have been feeling or thinking witnessing all of this at just 12 years old.

After my mom was released she refused to drink her medication and now when she went out one of us had to accompany her at all times. We feared she would lash out and cause harm to somebody because in her mind she may think they were trying to do something bad to her. It all weighed heavily on all of us in different ways my dad with his already stressful job as a police officer, my sister trying to pay attention to her family and still be there for her mom, my little sister who doesn’t fully comprehend what’s going on, and me who still had to focus on finding a new school to attend while I worked and just didn’t have the time to babysit an adult.

As my mom began to speak about the people that were trying to harm her it started worry me, it was tough dealing with someone who didn’t want to help himself or herself. I tried to have normal conversations with her as much as I could but she would always bring up something so bizarre.

“They’re listening, turn your phone off so we can talk,” she would say to me while she pointed to her phone.

That’s when I realized I’ve lost my mom; there was nothing about her that seemed familiar to me anymore.

(NOTE: I still would like to add more dialogue as I read my own story over and over and slowly begin to remember more. However I wanted to post this to get some feedback and advice. I know my story has potential I just feel like I am overthinking the details I want to include and how I want to say them so they sound intriguing to the reader. Please comment with advice and thoughts on what I have so far (as far as the middle).)

There they go again…is all I can think when I heard my parents arguing outside my bedroom door. Sometimes it was about money, other times it was about my mom’s insecurities and every time I just wished they could get along. Every day my mind paced back and forth like a family member at the hospital waiting to hear back from the doctor about their loved one, except I was thinking of a master plan to get away from mine.

The first part of my plan was to hurry up and turn 18 already with only a year away even that seemed just a bit too far. I had to think quick on my feet I was growing, learning, and realizing that happiness was all I wanted. I wanted to explore what life was like whether I made mistakes or not, I was curious to see what my dad was keeping me away from. Most importantly I was over the bickering and the arguments my mom started whether it was with my dad or me.

I applied to a SUNY school and it was the best decision I made thus far, it fulfilled the curiosity I had inside of me and I was finally free to spread my wings. Its time to go and my mom wasn’t there to witness my first few steps as an adult but all that mattered to me was that my dad was there and I knew as long as he knew where I was and that I was attending school was enough for him.

• So I am having trouble on trying not to think about jumping from one idea to another because I’m focused on making my story interesting. Like for example I’m writing on the most difficult times of my life by chapter and I’m beginning from when it all started which was when I graduated high school. I want my story to bring the reader in but I don’t want to give away the good stuff right away, get me? I’m going to get into slowly discovering my mom had a serious illness for longer than I even knew and the separation of my parents after being together my entire life and the changes. Help