The only way to make a difference is to stand up for what you believe in and protest peacefully! It amazes me that now two police officers have not been indited for the death of these two African-American men. In the year 2014 how could racism to this extent be so persistent? Police officers should not be above the law if an average person would have been in the officers place would they be indited? In my opinion I feel that they would. If that proves to be true than the question that remains is are we giving too much power to our officers to “enforce the law”?

How can someone who is looked at for justice and for help treat another human being this way? I am so angry and so confused and frankly I do not want to live in a world where this is okay! These families are left with out their love ones not to mention the holiday season will be spent in mourning. They will never see them again. I know what it is to deal with grief first hand and I would not wish that upon my worst enemy. My heart goes out to these families and the best way we can help them is by demanding justice through peaceful protests!

The topic I have chosen to write about is sleep deprivation more specifically how sleep deprivation effects college students and their low academic performances. I’m interested in this topic because it relates to me and to many of my piers. I find that there is less and less time for sleep as a modern day college student. Not only do you have to keep your grades up but, you must make time for academic clubs, jobs, internships, socializing, and of course time with your family. There is a struggle when trying to find the balance for all of these activities. The questions I really want to try and answer is are college students depressed or are they just sleep deprived? Are students being misdiagnosed? These questions will be the main focus of my paper. My audience will consist of college students from undergrad to graduate schools and the councilors of the colleges. The reason I choose this audience is because I think students should be informed that sleep deprivation is a serious matter and should not be taken so lightly. I also choose the councilors because it is my opinion that some councilors may be overlooking sleep deprivation as a factor in college students’ low academic performance.

So far I am still trying to narrow down my topic a bit I am extremely confident in my academic source but not so confident in my public source. My topic is sleep deprivation but more specifically sleep deprivation in comparison to depression in college students and there academic performances. The reason I chose this topic is because it is relevant to me at this time and frankly I have always wanted to know more about it. What most people think is that college students are depressed rather than sleep deprived and therefore are not getting the proper treatment for there problem or in that sense most are unaware that they are sleep deprived at all. I want to focus more on the quality of sleep rather than the quantity of sleep because my argument ultimately is that how well we are sleeping affects our academic performance more than how many hours we are sleeping.

The question I have is am I narrowing my topic down enough? As for my counter argument I am having a hard time figuring that out. Should I compare all people to college students? Should I solely focus on non depressed students? I am also having a hard time finding sources and perhaps I am not using the databases correctly.

Overall I think I am on the right track but I still have some work to do. Ultimately I do not just want to talk stats and I think it would be smart to interview some college students at Baruch. (I hope I have the time)

When I imagine revising my writing is going back and rewriting my work. I know that once I complete a draft I need to get feedback and after I get that feedback and I know I am pretty much going to have to recompose my paper. In my opinion revision is not limited to school papers but anything really. Something as simple as a business email can and sometimes should be revised.

The few times I have found revision really helpful it was because I was not looking at it as something irritating but rather a tool for me to use to better my work. For example, for one my classes in college we were told to write a business memo. I followed the instructions and when I thought my work was complete I consulted a fellow classmate to give some feedback. Once I received feedback form him I realized that I misinterpreted the assignment and therefore had to go back and start from square one. He also commented on the structure and content of my email. I then put myself and his shoes and started all over again. Did I enjoy doing that? Not at all but had I never received his feedback I wouldn’t have done well on that assignment and I wouldn’t have reached a higher potential of writing.

Revising, editing, and proofreading are three different tools used in the writing process for the benefit of the writer. Revising is going back and rethinking certain elements of your paper. Perhaps even seeing it from a different point of view. It involves looking at the bigger picture. Editing is fine tuning sentence structure and making sure that each sentence is serving its purpose. While proofreading is the what I like to think of as the final sweep before handing in your piece. Here you are focusing more on the grammar and making sure everything makes sense.

Diethier’s piece was very relatable and eye opening to me. He made me feel that it was okay to be angry when someone gives you feedback that you do not agree with. The problem I realized I had after reading this is I usually see this a negative aspect that is not really helping me. When I realized that revising does make a huge difference in my writing it was an open door to success. This piece also really spoke to me because there were many steps that I didn’t even think to use. For example, beneath the understanding where he gave the steps to think of revision positively.(page 8) I never thought to ask the responder for further explanation but after reading this I know realized that it is okay to ask questions and understand there thinking. Diethier speaks about the resistance to revision I honestly agreed with all the bullet points but after reading what he had to say about revision I can now see what he meant. I think that is its okay to “rescramble a paragraph” and find different ways to make it work. I know realize that revision is crucial is being a successful writer. We need to find the time to revise and it may not be easy but essential.

So far on this assignment I have complete two proposals and a zero draft. At this point in my writing I am still a little confused as to how  to complete this assignment without taking a certain side. It has posed very difficult to me to not write down what I think and feel. I am learning more and more as I go. As far as the zero draft I have done an outline to kind of show the setup of my paper. i am hoping that once I receive some feedback from my piers and my professor I will know what to do next. I have currently faced with writers block but hopefully that will pass and I will be able to deliver.

Nicole Ingrati

October 6, 2014

High Student Loan Debt

 

Source 1 Lieber, Ron. “High Cost to Focusing on Student Loans Over Saving.” The New York Times. Web. June 13, 2014.   http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/14/your-money/student-loans/paying-off-student-loans-can-cost-you-in-retirement.html?_r=0
Reflections/Questions   I really like this article because it is extremely relevant to College Students. President Obama made a speech in order to help students decrease their college debt. He too understood what it is like to have student loan debt. I like all the statistics that the article has and the way they beak it down using numbers so you could understand how outrageous the debt is.	Notes/Summary   The focus of this article is to show that people are told they need to get an education but in order to receive that education they must pay a high price literally. The debt has become so high they for most students, in our current economy, will be paying off their debt for 20 plus years to come. This article also gives tips on what you can do to not come out of school which such high amounts of debt. For instance you could go to a community college for the first two years of your college experience. The most important thing that is being highlighted is the benefit of saving your money.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Source 2 Krupka, Elizabeth. “The Hunger Games: Student Loan Edition.” The Huffington Post. Web. September 6, 2012.   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elizabeth-krupka/college-student-loan-debt-_b_1858085.html
Reflections/Questions   I like how she made it entertaining and had a couple of jokes throughout the article. I also enjoyed the way she related it back to her life. She spoke of the high interest rate she has to pay and how she was trying to pay it off and ask questions but she was not treated the right way.	Notes/Summary     This article is more humorous and talks about trying to get answers when it comes to asking questions about your student loans. It talks about the constant struggle when it comes to paying your debt off. You get to see things from the perspective of the writer and how loan debt has affected her in her own life. She speaks about her ridiculously high interest rates.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Source 3 Harvey T., John. “Student Loan Debt Crisis?” Forbes. Web. April 28, 2014. http://www.forbes.com/sites/johntharvey/2014/04/28/student-loan-debt-crisis/
Reflections/Questions   I enjoyed reading this writer’s perspective because it put the debt in terms that I did not necessarily understand before. He opened my eyes and made me realized that the issue may not be in the debt itself but rather in our current job market.	Notes/Summary   This article talks about the student loan debt not being as bad as we make it out to be. In breaking it down you realize that it is not as terrible as you think in comparison to the Great Recession. He makes understand that although the debt is not as large as the Great Recession there are still a lot of things to worry about. The main problem in this day and age is that the job market is not as strong as it use to be and therefore it makes it more difficult to pay off your debt if you cannot get a job.

Source 4 Frankel, Matthew. “High Student Loan Debt Might Not Be That Bad.” The Motley Fool. Web. September 27, 2014. http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2014/09/27/high-student-loan-debt-might-not-be-that-bad.aspx
Reflections/Questions I learned some new things from this article. As a whole people tend to look at the negative of a situation but I never thought to look at the positive of more people getting educated and a willingness to learn. This article was yet another eye opener for me.	Notes/Summary   The focus of this article is to show that perhaps we are overlooking the positive of the increasing student loan debt. One of the reasons the debt has increased is because more people are getting higher level of degrees. People are going back to school and continuing their education. They are reaching higher for their education. Other reasons include expected lifetime earnings has increased, government payment plans have made loans more affordable, and finally once you graduate you invest in your future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Formal Proposal:

What I want to focus on for my Rhetorical Analysis paper is the increasingly high student loan debt. I want to break down and analyze why this is happening. The focus will be on the job market and the role it plays in the rising loan debt as well as what President Obama is currently doing to correct this problem. I will be analyzing two different articles with different points of view. One being that the student debt is a crisis and the other being that student loan debt is not as bad as we make it out to be.

This topic is something that I can relate to and that motivates me to want to learn more about it and perhaps gain a new perspective and opinion on the student loan debt. I want to touch on what students need to keep in mind in beginning there college endeavors and some tips I can give them to lessen their overall student debt. Students also need to understand that it is not all bad when it comes to the student loan debt there are some positive aspects of this issue.

Positive things that come out of student debt is the fact that students and people in general are getting more educated. They are setting higher goals for themselves and getting higher degrees to be able to receive higher paying jobs. Because students are getting more educated they are also investing money in their future and learning new things to do with their money. Another positive thing I would like to touch on is the government funding and payment plans. The government realizes that student loan debt is a big issue and therefore is trying to help students to the best of their abilities with their funding programs.

Bitzer identifies that rhetoric writing deals with the context. The context can be developed through exigence, audience, and the constraints. He wants you to be able to identify the importance of a piece of writing, the target readers, and any limits the piece may have. The context can change as the piece goes on as will the audience with it. Writing is usually rhetoric because it is a response to some issue or problem.

I really enjoyed reading this piece but at times it was difficult for me to follow. Something I realized as I read that is order for the situation to work all the steps have to be done correctly. It is as if you have to meet a certain criteria to respond to an issue or problem.

Emma Watson’s Speech:

Exigence: The equality of the sexes. Ending the negative connotations that go along with the word “Feminist.” Tackling women’s rights to being paid equally and equal treatment in all aspects of life. The double standards men suffer because of their gender.

Audience: I think the audience she was targeting was really all men and women. I believe she was trying to target any person in any place because this issue touches on everyone. The misconception people have is that feminism is only about woman and it its not it deals with gender equality therefore anyone male or woman can be a feminist.

Constraints: In this speech I believe that constraint is Emma Watson herself. Many people may not take her seriously due to her profession. Also she doesn’t really discuss how to resolve this issue she just speaks about the campaign briefly.

 

Topic 1:

Why student loan debt is so high?

sources: nytimes.com and huffingtonpost.com

Topic 2:

Domestic Violence

sources: nytimes.com and huffintonpost.com

The Critic Inside Me by Nicole Ingrati

I completely re constructed my writer’s letter. The reason I completely changed

that was because I do not think I completely understood what the purpose of that letter

was. I then realized that we are suppose to talk about what our thought process was while

we were coming up with our story. This was something quite challenging for me because

I do not typically talk about my writing process. When I am writing something I usually

get stuck in the moment and I cannot always recall what I was thinking while I was

writing. I always like to take on new challenges so I think that this has helped me not just

act in the moment but really take time and think before I write.

I didn’t change my story at all because I felt as though the reader could

understand the message I was trying to send and could therefore relate to my piece. I

made small grammatical changes to the best of my ability as my fellow peers told me.

I am sure that their will always be some grammatical errors in my writing but I am still

learning and mistakes make who we are as writers and people. As far as the context of the

story that remained as the original simply because I as the author was very happy about

the way it came out and in my opinion if something isn’t broken you don’t fix it.

Also another big issue I realized I have in this piece (and in most pieces) is that

I write the way I speak. This can sometimes be a good thing but in this case I needed to

let my writing speak for itself instead over explaining or over analyzing. When I speak to

someone a sentence I would use is “What I mean to say is…” I think that I do not need to

write that because as I said before you shouldn’t have to explain the writing should speak

for itself.

The Critic Inside Me by Nicole Ingrati

Dear Lisa,

Something I really want you to focus on while you are reading this is that I didn’t

always enjoy writing until fairly recently. What I had in mind for my reader is that not

only talking about my journey as a writer but also trying to make them understand that

we all have a purpose for why we write no matter what we are writing about. It could be

anything from a school assignment like this one or a simple text message. The first

question I posed to myself was: When were you actually excited about writing? That is

where my story began, and of course that was in college. Once I figured out what

experience I wanted to write about it became a little easier to organize the rest of my

story. I stress a little!

Next I thought to myself what is the overall message you are trying to send to

your readers? I wanted to touch on the subject of students or people in general being their

own worst enemy or in this case their own worse critic. I thought about the many times I

told myself you can’t do this and I said to myself I am sure you are not the only one who

feels this way. I wanted to construct a piece that anyone who was reading it could relate

or at least the majority for that matter.

I tend to be very organized in many aspects of my life but something I struggle

with ironically is organizing my writing and making it easy to understand, but most

importantly, creating what I like to call the flow. If your writing does not flow chances

are that its not going to be easy to understand and therefore your readers will not want to

continue or even attempt to try and make out what you are saying.

Finally what I always seem to struggle with is the conclusion of any piece of

writing. I wanted to get my readers to continue thinking about there own criticizing. I

The Critic Inside Me by Nicole Ingrati

thought to myself how do I wrap this up in a way that is not boring and keeps my readers

thinking even after they have heard my paper? Do I summarize the main points? Do I end

with a question or a quote? These questions are still unanswered for me and I hope that as

I continue my writing journey I will one day figure out.

Writer’s Story:

Why do we read? Why do we write? The simple answer to that is because we

have a voice and because we all have our opinions. No matter what the issue or task is

you either agree or disagree. Once I realized this I let the critic in me loose. I had not

always thought of writing as a way of expressing myself and letting my voice be heard.

I use to despise any writing assignment I had to do no matter what it was. The day I

became a writer was when I finally understood that what I say matters. That of course

came in the middle of my college career.

I was in my last semester at Kingsborough and I was taking an English class

that dealt solely with Shakespeare. In the beginning of the semester the critic in me

thought how could your writing mean anything when compared to the great works of

Shakespeare? Lucky for me I was learning how to tune out that negative voice in my

head and I had a great professor whom I will never forget. Throughout the semester

we had to create and respond to blog posts that had to do with whatever play we were

reading. The professor would select two of use to pose a question or thought and let

everyone else would write a response and she would not get involved. This was the first

time in my writing experience that I had a real audience not just a professor. I liked the

idea of being to speak freely with my classmates. It was in that class that I began to let go

The Critic Inside Me by Nicole Ingrati

and write exactly what I thought and how I felt.

Throughout that semester I would respond to blog posts that my fellow classmates

started and eventually I got my own chance to create a thread. You could imagine

how nervous I was. Everyone in my entire class is going to not only see my writing

but also analyze and comment on it. The discussion I started was on Act 5 of the play

The Merchant of Venice. Although I was nervous I did not hold back and in the end it

paid off. Not only did the professor believe I brought up a good argument a lot of my

classmates felt the same. From this point on I had less of a fear of writing.

The reason I think I enjoyed writing those blog posts was because in my opinion

there was less pressure. What I mean to say is that when I know my professor is going to

read and critique my pieces of writing I become my own worst critic and tried to make

everything perfect. With the blog posts I was free to share my thoughts through writing

but not by trying to fit this idea of the perfect paper but rather by being myself and

expressing my thoughts to my peers.

The final turning point for me as a writer came in that same semester in

our final project. The task was as follows: we were to take one of the plays that we read

(our favorite) and cast the play. Once again this posed a challenge because there was that

little critic in my head that kept saying how could you write anything worthwhile? You

are no Shakespeare? Yet again I had to silence myself and think about the overall

message that Shakespeare was trying to portray and how it is still relevant today. I had to

cast the play and I was allowed to make minor changes as well. The important thing to do

was to explain why I did what I did. This was a big project and I had to break down piece

by piece. The play I choose to focus on was Othello. The reason I choose Othello was

The Critic Inside Me by Nicole Ingrati

because not only had we just read it (so it was fresh in my mind) but also I felt as though

it was still relevant today. I realized that not everyone was going to understand my

mindset so I really tried to write it in a way that everyone could understand so I set the

play in modern times. Doing this project helped me realize that as a writer you are

suppose to express yourself and not everyone will always agree with you and that’s okay.

The purpose of writing in my opinion is to relay some type of message and to of course

share your thoughts with your audience. As long has your message has been heard you

have been a successful writer.

My views of writing have changed and I am sure they are going to continue to

change as I grow as a student and eventually as I develop in my future career. The sheer

thought of writing use to cause me nothing but disappointment. I used to be my own

worst critic in trying to live up to an idea. When I finally realized that writing is about

expression I was able to silence that critic and help better develop my writing capability.

If it wasn’t for that Shakespeare class I highly doubt I would have had the views on

writing that I do today. I have come to recognize that although that little critical voice

in my head was negative it also pushed me to become a better writer. I wanted to prove

myself wrong and show that I was very capable of writing many great pieces.