Task One: Replace overgeneralization with nuanced, supported claims and points. Leave room for disagreement. Identify trends instead of describing what “all people” do. Focus on talking about what the text suggests, instead of how life works.
For this task I first reread my paper and look for where I fix overgeneralizations. I started by changing the word we to the word you or people and adding information that was more text specific and cutting out anything that was suggestive. I changed the last paragraph about 13 Reasons why to relate only to the show and removed everything that was mentioned of the outside world. I also changed the last paragraph of the essay, to a more open-ended statement then making claims. Changing the words, we and our, to, peoples, you, and theirs.
Task Two: Add clear, analysis-oriented specificity. Use examples to support clear points. Break down the composition of key moments and details of your artifacts.
For this task I began to look where I can add more specific details. I first added details to Hannahs and Justin relationship and story plot. I added details about what was going on while they were hanging out, and how the mood of the screen shifted back and forth between her memory through the recording, and when the event actually took place. Then I added details about her situation with the boy and the poem. I added how they interacted with each other, how he stole her poem, and how the school found out about this poem.
Task Three: Develop a thesis that is about the artifacts. You can draw a connection between them—what they both suggest or comment on—and then (this is more optional for a thesis statement to work in this assignment) make a split—how they differ. Spill the beans from the very start of the paper. “They are similar but different” does not a thesis make: Say how, specifically.
For this task I added details that connected the show and the movie to each other. Instead of keeping them as two separate pieces, I forged them into one with different plots. Adding details how they relate to each other and how they are truly talking about one theme using different events.
Through my revision process I had realized I was caught between not adding enough information or adding information that was known to me from my previous essay. I reread my essay and tried to find every point where I was adding my personal opinion instead of what was actually going on in the show and in the song. I went sentence by sentence to find each point. I started with changing certain words and rephrasing parts to connect them to the plots and artifacts. Then I went back and started adding details about individual events that called for better descriptions and key moments. Finally, I made the connection between both artifacts to create a common theme instead of just having two separate ideas. I added these connections into the very beginning and then the very end.