Task One: Support each claim you make with concrete, clear evidence.
For this task I used your comments and went through each claim after a quote or research-based statement. I tried to reword each follow up sentence so it didn’t steer away from the actual quote. I made it flow and only include the most important and necessary details that were connected to the quote.
Task Two: Organize the paper around a central claim that is not overgeneralized but gleaned directly from research findings and an attempt to answer the research question clearly.
For this task I also used your comments and tried to fix all the spots where you mentioned it was to personal or to vague. I fixed these spots by adding a piece of information that would connect it to my running theme of social media and mental health. I also moved around certain sentences that fit better after a quote to make my statement and understanding of the quote to be part of the theme instead of just extra information.
Task Three: Develop a more professional voice that uses nuance and specificity with its audience.
For this task I tried to look at the paper as if it was not my own. I read each sentence as if it was its own and then read it as a whole in the paragraph. I changed key words to change them from personal or formal. I tried to make the statements generalizations instead of claims. Then I went back and made sure each sentence was part of a whole, that each one followed the one before and it flowed with a constant voice.
After going through all of my revision tasks and rereading my essay multiple times I had noticed that some parts felt as if it was more personal then research based. After realizing this and finding a common theme it was clear to me that if I change this the essay would flow better and a common theme would come out. Developing a more professional voice was harder than the other two tasks because this is topic is close to heart and something that I wrote about in Eng 2100. It took multiple times of rereading and trying to fully disconnect from the topic and only look at it in an editing sense.