ARRAF AHMED
Thesis 1: The power relationship of my workplace, Khan’s Tutorial, is one that is rooted in moving higher and contributing further to the wellness of the respective branch, but along with this responsibility comes the necessary discipline to run a small business.
Thesis 2: The relationship that exists between coaches and players in the NBA shows us that power in some instances can be used to drive a group to success, but it can also deviate from that path completely, in that the eagerness for power on both sides can result in a losing season.
I think both of your thesis topics are interesting and many can relate to them. However, you give two sides or points in each. This may be conflicting or seem indecisive when you write your body. Maybe you can focus on one of the points to make the thesis more specific and compact.
The first statement is very intelligent but I became confused on what exactly was the issue to be discussed between running a small business and how Khan’s Tutorial is either preparing you or hindering you from doing it. The second statement was also bright, straight to the point and seemed to be clearer to me because I have a good idea of the game you bring up which is the NBA. I also know what it is to work with others for a common goal and what it could result into. I think that this would most likely be the thesis that flows into a well-written piece of work naturally. On the other hand, I am very curious as to how the first thesis statement would develop into a complete work after understanding it better.
Karia Hill
Both thesis statements are very well developed and put together. Overall, I believe the second thesis statement is more effective due to the fact that it is very direct. It clearly states the way the greed for power from both team members and coach can lead to a loss. Without proper understanding on both sides, there is no way the two can cooperate and work together into a successful season. However, the first thesis statement is also great however, I think you could probably be just a tad bit more specific to clarify what exactly is the problem when working in Khan’s Tutorial.
Alisha Alex
While I do think that both thesis statements are well put together I do believe that the second one is much better. The second one has much more detail put into it and it is clear what the topic will be as well as the topic being fairly narrow. The first thesis on the other hand is much more broad and I found it confusing because from reading it I am unsure what exactly your focus is as it is not very clear from what you wrote. Overall I would focus more on the second or if you really wanna do the first develop it more and make it more clear.
Gary Bryanskiy
Arraf,
These both look quite interesting, but it (at least) seems to me that the first could end up being more specific, simply because this is more personally based. I agree with others, though, that the power play here is a bit vague, so you would need to be much clearer as to what that actually is.
The second is clearer in its intent, and could very well be specific, but you would have to add more secondary sources (on top of the Russell) and that of course would give you more work.