I am normally not shy. I am very outgoing and feel energized when attention is on me. I like to discuss my opinions and support them with personal anecdotes, things I’ve read, or theories. In general, I’m not afraid to be outspoken. One beast stands in my way. He is the FADER. The Fader is experienced in rhetoric. Usually, he is angry and more often than not, he is convinced he is right. The Fader flays you verbally, causing you tons of emotional distress. But, he excuses his harshness artfully, saying, “Sonny, you are wrong. I’m just trying to help.” Your intuitive sense knows, however, that the Fader is not right. What do you do?
In this sort of situation, outspoken me flies out the window. I crawl into the fetal position, allowing the onslaught to wrap itself around me. I internalize it, thinking to myself, I deserve this. Instead of speaking up, fighting for the truth, I disagree and make my points against the Fader in the quiet of my own mind. It is something about the Fader’s tone which stops me from fighting back. It is the tenseness in the room, the coldness of his aura. When did things get dark? Light fades, when the Fader’s on the stand.
Why stay in the fetal position? I’d rather unfurl my legs, stretch out my arms, and jump to my feet. Stand. Face the Fader. Respond. But, I’m quite unfamiliar with this territory. I’ve tended, throughout life, to disagree with people inside my own head. Throughout, I’ve chosen to not voice my opinion when it opposes someone else’s. I’m afraid to make any person feel disliked, so instead I make no comments. And, I shy away from debate because I fear that I might argue for a premise that is incorrect. I would hate to look dumb.
One thing I’ve noticed about the Fader is that he doesn’t care if his words upset you or not. He only cares to be right. Although the Fader has caused me a significant amount of distress, he may be the man I desperately need to take a lesson from. Perhaps he can teach me to voice my opinion when I believe in it and teach me to not fear hurting the feelings of a friend for the truth. I hope to work on this during this semester. Stay tuned. -Adrienne